1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't! want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why, you ask? Because you are my friends.
A good friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.