[ShadowLvr400]

He weaseled out again. For those who don't know, my parents divorced 3 yrs ago, and since then, my deadbeat father has been trying to avoid fullfulling the promises he made in the divorce agreement. Today's was involving me directly.

9. Expenses for Philip The Husband shall pay the following expenses pertaining to the minor child Philip **** ****.

A. College Tuition

B. Medical and/or Graduate School Tuition

NOTE: College and medical and/or graduate school tuition shall be paid only from the existing educational fund established for Philip. The fund shall continue and be administered by the Husband. No other amount for tuition shall be due from the Husband. The Husband shall not deduct monies from said fund for purposes unrelated to Philip's education. The Husband shall forward all periodic banking statements for said fund to the Wife on a timely basis.

C. Routine automobile maintenance.

D. Automobile insuance to age twenty-one (21) or until Philip is no longer a full time student.

E. Clothing to age twenty-one (21) or until Philip is no longer a full time student.




There's more, but he is weaselling out under the "age twenty-one (21) or until Philip is no longer a full time student." clause there. At 21, I'm f%%%ed. So, anyone read it as his decision? How about my decision? How about, for someone who knows titling laws or statistics, the sets joined by "And" is an intersection, in which both variables must be true in order for the entire thing to be true. The joining of "Or" is a union of, and in that, one, the other, or both would need to be true for the entire statement to be true.
And: A B both must be true
Or: A can be true, B can be true, or A B can both be true

 

[AKPsiMC03]

i read it as a shopping list of things he needs to buy... err pay for. I see it as he is liable for all the things on the list

 

[Katshot]

Dude,
Get a grip and get on with your life. Stop whining about something that you think somebody owes you and go make your own way in the world. In the end you'll be better off.

 

[ShadowLvr400]

As a side note, he makes over 50k a month in pocket money. That's just what he declares. And so far, the only thing he's actually followed through with is the tuition. Though he has yet to show any statements of that acct.

 

[elwesso]

Im just curious...... What is the point of this thread?? Or is it a sympathy thread?? Are you looking for legal advice??

Obviously, there really isnt going to be any way to technically MAKE your dad pay up..... That is, without taking him to court....... Have you really tried talking with him......

 

[davesdeville]

You look big enough to kick some ass if all else fails..

 

[Elvis]

I paid for all that stuff myself from the time I was 19 on, and my parents are still married. (but they did give me a free place to live for as long as I needed it)

They celebrated their 40th just last year. I threw them a huge party to thank them for all they did for me. Paid for that myself, too.

 

[Ralph]

I say kick his ass, LOL! But seriously, try not to be consumed by this and go about your daily routine, and I hope your Mom is being treated ok.

What they have been doing up here for a few years is if there is a "dead beat dad" who is not paying, the spouce can get his drivers liscense suspended. One way to get even, I guess?

 

[Katshot]

I think that's if the dad is not keeping up with child support. This guy is HARDLY a child and should staop acting like one.
Elvis is right. The last thing my dad paid for was my first car when I was 16 years old. By 18, I was in the Navy and on my own. By 19, I was married and well on my way to building a wonderful life. Just because your dad has money, it doesn't mean he OWES you anything. As far as I know, once you're 18, you're considered to be an "adult". Along with that comes respect, a draft card, and responsibility. That responsibility includes handling your own affairs. It's not up to "mommy & daddy" to keep supporting you for as long as you feel they should. Your post makes you sound like a bitter divorcee for Christ's sake. Be a man, stand on your own two feet and quit WHINING.

 

[ShadowLvr400]

Not to be rude Katshot, but he's been failing to pay on a contract he signed. A legal, binding document, he's ignored for the past 3 yrs. I'm trying to let others know that this kind of stuff goes on, so if anyone else gets in a similar situation, they can defend themselves. I am irritated that he with the most money gets to bend and break laws as they choose, but I do have a life, and I am taking care of myself. But, I'm having to do things that, according to this contract, I shouldn't have to. Add to that, I'm also trying to defend my younger brother's rights, otherwise he'll lose his chances at college as well. He's not smart enough, nor driven enough to manage the way I am. As for anyone who tries to say I'm looking for sympathy, get bent. Sympathy is for pu$$ies. If you don't want to learn that it's not about justice, it's about money, your loss. If you'd rather just try to berate me for offering a little warning, have at it, I don't truly care. Been abused all my life, I'm used to it.

 

[AirJigga25]

Good luck with that man. Again, best of luck.

 

[SLS97]

Too much energy and time wasted by you on your father. If you don't like his actions and think he can bend the rules, I suggest you make an appointment with the judge who set forth the orders of the divorce and talk to him. Get on with your life and education. If you need to work, so be it. Many have!

 

[elwesso]

I can definitely see where he is coming from though (shadowlvr, that is)...... His father signed a contract saying he HAS to do this stuff, and nothing is happening..... Personally, I think taking him to court would be a waste, but if you could get some extra cash, even a nominal amount, it will help......

 

[the Sandman]

I don't hear ShadowLvr400 whining - I hear him being angry and frustrated and IMO it's justified. The anger I hear is definitely *not* only about the financial support - it's about a sense of being abandonned by his father. And if his dad is not going to be there for him, he should at least fulfill his obligations under the divorce agreement. Expecting him to do so does not mean that ShadowLvr400 is unable or unwilling to make his own way in the world - anyone who makes that assumption is making a judgement on someone which is unsupported by anything I've seen posted in this Thread. The fact that he posted such personal details of his life shows that he feels a great deal of frustration - strong enough for him to feel the need to vent a little. Seems to me he deserves support, not harsh judgement for sharing his feelings with this Community. What did he do that was wrong?

 

[elwesso]

Howard makes a very good point...... And a point well taken by myself.....

I didnt mean any harsh words, and I should have read his origional post more completely before I made a post........

 

[Ralph]

I agree with Sandman, and I'll make your point even easier in my words: His father should WANT TO HELP HIS OFFSPRING. The guy is a millionairre and I would support or try to help my kids despite any differences with my wife. Hell, I would give them some money anyway if I made that much. The family should not have to go through a lawyer. I understand Kat's logic in that it is important for anyone to learn to survive on their own, but I don't know that is an issue here, at this time. People with that kind of money can find a lawyer and find a lot of loopholes. The trick is to know of a few yourself.

 

[Katshot]

The point is that although the father "appears" to be acting rather badly, in the end for a father and son to be going at it over money is ridiculous and will/could permanently damage their relationship. The tiny bit of info that has been given to this group is but the "tip of the iceburg" I'm sure.
The guy is 20 years old for Christ's sake, he should be on his own by now, standing on his own two feet. The alleged court order for financial support should be seen as "gravey" and not something that is "owed" to him. The sooner you get the mindset of being owed something out of your mind, the faster you will get on with your life and maybe even someday establish a loving relationship with your father again. That chip is already getting heavy and will eventually weigh you down to the point of seriously stunting your emotional growth.
Life puts roadblocks in your way from time to time, how you deal with them will determine the path of your life.

 

[ShadowLvr400]

For those who say I should try to establish a loving relationship with my father, I'll give some more information. He's a "recovering" drug addict, has been neglectful my entire life until just recently, when he got more direct with his attacks. He's tried to have me arrested on tax fraud he committed, he's impersonated me to get my personal information, and to cancel my auto insurance, he's tried to run me down, and tried running me off the road. 911 vs Cadillac Eldorado, glad I drive the Caddy. He's a lying, adulterous, drug addict, determined to play power games. He's looking to make me crawl and grovel to get anything. What benefits can there be to me to try and have a relationship with him?

 

[JJhomer83]

Well here goes my 2 cents (Phil i hope this comes out right i apologize if it doesn't wording isn't my thing)

My view on the topic in discussion is that once you are over 18 you should not be dependant on ANYONE. Even if you are in college. Granite i still live at home at the age of 20 but I do pay rent, paid for my car, truck, and my toys, bought my first car at 16, started working at 14, fulltime at 17 while going to high school to help my parents pay the rent, cut the lawn, cook 5 days a week, watch my little brother, take him to soccer/baseball/football etc...., Keep on top of the matience of the cars in the family. I'm paying more for rent than most would think (25%) of my paycheck each month plus i take night classe while working full time. My father isn't the "model" father that everyone wishes for but he is still my father. Yes he has kicked the shit out of me a few times. Did i deserve it sometimes but still it happens. When my car broke down at 1 a.m. about a month ago and i called my dad to help me out. he hung up the phone with saying good luck good night god speed. I can't relate to your experience that well but life throws curve balls all the time you just have to read when they are going to break and catch them. Good luck with your current situation and i hope all goes well in the future.

 

[the Sandman]

ShadowLvr400 is not the engineer of his situation - he did not extract the agreement from his father. That's was/is entirely out of his control. What is it you guys are saying he should do - refuse the financial support? Release his father from the divorce agreement? I understand the concept of "tough love" but without the love, it's meaningless.

I reject the notion that accepting the support his father is obliged to provide will somehow lessen his ability to accept the responsibilities of being an adult.