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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your @ss?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
 

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lux hauler said:
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
The first person to observe a hungry calf.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
Frank Perdue Senior.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
You mean the frozen bagel setting?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Expensive ones have both.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Because the Master's gone away.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Only if you can get the corpse to wave to the cop.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
He's too busy boinking MaryAnn.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
If they have to go bad enough they do.

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
You'd do better to ask where he goes...

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Different breeds.

What do you call male ballerinas?
Usually...primadonnas.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
He wants it fresh and warm.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testing.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Plants.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Well, the morons aren't excluded from the process, that's for sure.

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
No, Disneyland as well.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Same composer.

Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . .
Humming, actually.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Sure, same as when Americans eat Chinese alphabet soup.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your @ss?
An asteroid can knock you on your @ss, and hemorrhoid is Latin for speedbump.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
It's your breath!

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
If you push it fast enough, and enough times...no but you do feel better.
 
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