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Man and wife, tired from driving all day. Stop at a likely looking hotel. Check in, get some sleep. Next morning, they go to check out and the manager hands them a bill...
Man : "$450! That's ridiculous. I'm not paying. Why is this bill so high for one night's stay?"
Manager: Well, sir, we have a luxurious pool and spa with our health club, and you were welcome to use it."
Man: "But I didn't use it!"
Manager "Well, you could have. Also, we had world famous entertainers here last night in our lounge, and you have taken in their show."
Man: "But I didn't go there!"
Manager: "Well, you could have. And, don't forget, we have a world famous chef in our kitchen, and his meals are known the world over for quaility and taste."
Man: "But we didn't eat anything!"
Manager: "Well, you could have."
Man takes a $50 bill out of his wallet and hands it to the manager.
"Here. This is my payment. I charged you $400 for having sex with my wife."
Manager: "But I didn't have sex with your wife!"
Man: "Well, you could have."
 

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1994 Sedan Deville
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This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes thru his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady".

They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pu$$y", to which he responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!"
 

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1994 Sedan Deville
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Answering that age old question, "Why Didn't He Call?"

Guys are born with a fundamental, genetically transmitted mental condition known to psychologists as The Fear That If You Get Attached to a Woman, Some Unattached Guy, Somewhere, Will Be Having More Fun Than You.

This is why all married guys assume that all unmarried guys lead lives of constant excitement involving hot tubs full of naked international fashion models; whereas, in fact, for most unmarried guys, the climax of the typical evening is watching an infomercial for HairinaSpray can while eating onion dip straight from the container. (This is also true of married guys, although statistically they are far more likely to be using a spoon.)

So guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take any steps that might lead to commitment. This is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking her, he often will demonstrate his affection by avoiding her for the rest of his life.

Women are puzzled by this, "I don't understand," they say, "We had such a great time! Why doesn't he call?" The reason is that the guy, using the linear guy thought process, has realized that if he takes her out again, he'll probably like her even more, so he'll take her out again, and eventually they'll fall in love with each other, and they'll get married, and they'll have children, and then they'll have grandchildren, and eventually they'll retire and take a trip around the world, and they'll be walking hand in hand on some spectacular beach in the South Pacific, reminiscing about the lifetime of experiences they've shared together, and then several naked international fashion models will walk up and invite him to join them in a hot tub, and he won't be able to do it.
 

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addison_ii said:
This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes thru his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady".
They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pu$$y", to which he responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!!"
LMAO
 

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1970 Eldorado.
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A Scottish farmer and an English farmer live nextdoor to eachother. Their backyards border. Every morning the Scottish farmer collects the eggs from his chickens in the back yard for his breakfast. This mornig he finds one of his chickens had crossed the fense into the English farmers backyard and laid an egg there. He sighs and starts climbing the fense, but the English farmer got to the egg and picked it up. Halfway on the fense the Scottish farmer calls to his neighbour "Oy neighbour, mind you that's me egg from my chicken that fled into your backyard".
"Well", says the English farmer, "it was laid in my backyard, so now its my egg".
The Scottish farmer suggested they should settle this as good neighbours, before a fight would end a good friendship. "Let's settle this how real Scottish men would settle this", he says. "We each kick eachother in the balls and the one who needs the least time to get up, may keep the egg. How about that?".
The English farmer didn't want to come accross like a weakling, so he takes the challenge. The Scottish farmer may go first, so the English farmer thinking he could kick him harder than the Scottish farmer would kick him.
The Scottish farmer takes a few steps back and comes charging in to the English farmer with his legs open and eyes closed, kicking him in the balls with all he had. The English farmer collapses to the ground holding his gems, rolling and screaming. It takes him 20 minutes to crawl back up.
"Ok, now it's my turn. Let me catch some breath here", says the English farmer.
The Scottish farmer taps him on the shoulder "nahhh, keep the stupid egg!"
 

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1994 Sedan Deville
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70eldo, the ole bait and switch tactic huh. LMAO
 

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1970 Eldorado.
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Chinese whisdom:

If you walk after car, you get exhausted.
If you walk in front of car, you get tired...

:hmm:
 

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94 FWB, 93 SDV, 94 FWB (sold), 90 Brougham (sold)
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The 2nd grade teacher was teaching her class about money and buying things and about exchanging money for goods and services. She was using the example of the 3 pigs to illustrate.

Teacher: Now the first pig wanted to build a house out of what, class?

Class: Sticks!

Teacher: Very good! Now, when you want something, what do have to do to get it? Do you have to buy it from a store?

Class: Oh yes, teacher!

Teacher: So the piggy went to buy some sticks to build his house from the store?

Class: Yes, teacher!

Teacher: So what do you think the salesman at the store thought when the piggy asked to buy some sticks to build his house?

Little Timmy, way in the back: I know, teacher, I know! He thought, "Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!"
 

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1970 Eldorado.
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Oh 90Brougham350, LOL!!!
 

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1994 Sedan Deville
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90Brougham350 said:
The 2nd grade teacher was teaching her class about money and buying things and about exchanging money for goods and services. She was using the example of the 3 pigs to illustrate.

Teacher: Now the first pig wanted to build a house out of what, class?

Class: Sticks!

Teacher: Very good! Now, when you want something, what do have to do to get it? Do you have to buy it from a store?

Class: Oh yes, teacher!

Teacher: So the piggy went to buy some sticks to build his house from the store?

Class: Yes, teacher!

Teacher: So what do you think the salesman at the store thought when the piggy asked to buy some sticks to build his house?

Little Timmy, way in the back: I know, teacher, I know! He thought, "Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!"
:histeric: LMAO
 

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1995 ETC, 75 Deville, Cad500 powered 73 Apollo, 94 Mark VIII
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Heard this on the radio today.

Why doesn't a rooster wear underwear?

Because his pecker is on his face.
 
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