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2018 GMC Sierra, 1995 Jeep Wrangler
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Q: What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic corn-husker?

A: One of them shucks between fits.




Q: What's the difference between a woman in the bathroom and a woman in a church?

A: One of them has hope in her soul.
 

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See you in the funny papers
04 CTS-V, 05 STS, 07 SRX- All sold :(
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26,239 Posts
What's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket?

The pickpocket snatches watches.




What's the difference between the Rockettes and a 3 ring circus?

The circus has a cunning array of stunts.
 

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2004 CTSV
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1,133 Posts
What's the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun at prayers?

The nun has hope in her soul.

Just a modification of the original
 

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2004 CTSV
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1,133 Posts
Whats the difference between the girls track team and a bunch of pygmies hunting an elephant?

The pygmies are a band of cunning runts
 

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'87 Jeep, '10 Thruxton, '00 Duc 748, '01 748R (853cc)
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3,703 Posts
'How do you catch an Elephant'?


-First you dig a deep hole, and fill the hole with ashes.

-Then, you line the edge of the hole with peas.

When the Elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole...
 

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1992 Town Car Cartier & 2014 Accord LX MTX
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34,087 Posts
Three Jews walk into a bar.


Michael Jackson.
 

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2000 Black DeVille & 1994 Concours
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963 Posts
Cunning Linguistics aside....


What did the leper say to
the prostitute?

Keep the tip.:eek:



TomDeville

:cool2:
 

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Cadillac CTS, Black Raven. Name: Car-los
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3,201 Posts
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . . we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!
 

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1979 Phaeton Coupe, 1990 Brougham d'Elegance 5.7 liter
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4,416 Posts
What do you call a hooker with her hand up her skirt?

Self-employed.
 

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> BMUU
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14,388 Posts
Old one, but......

Why did michael jackson rush to walmart?



he heard kids' pants were half off!
 

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Super Moderator
2018 GMC Sierra, 1995 Jeep Wrangler
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Discussion Starter #16
Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?


A: Neil Armstrong actually walked on the moon.......and Michael Jackson has sex with little boys.
 

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courtesy of le internet...


Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
 

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1992 Town Car Cartier & 2014 Accord LX MTX
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What's the best way to pick up a Branch Dividian chick?



With a Dustbuster.
Ooh, very good, a Koresh based joke!

Anyone else think David Koresh kinda looks kinda like Warren Zevon?

 

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01 Eldo ETC, 02 Deville SOLD!
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So a good-looking redhead goes to her doctor and says "Doctor, every place I touch on my body hurts..." He says, "That can't be.." She says "No, look.." She touches her arm.."Ouch"...She touches her leg.."OWW!"..she touches her stomach.."OWW!"..on and on..finally the doctor stops her..

"You're not a natural redhead, are you" he says.

"No, I'm actually blonde..How'd you know?" she replies.

"Because you have a broken finger."

:histeric:
 
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