If I had to do it over again...

1483 Views 28 Replies 14 Participants Last post by Boombotz, Nov 1, 2005

EcSTSatic

Discussion Starter · Oct 31, 2005

I've read the "your age" and all of the "remember when" threads and I'm thinking okay...what can we learn from this?

So I thought I'd ask the question; "If I could do it over again, what would I do differently?". This isn't just for the oldtimers but for the younger ganerations too. Maybe something might come out that would help us to be better citizens, fathers, mothers, daughters or sons.
This isn't confession, just words of wisdom to pass on. From a son's point of view, I wish my parents would have urged me to go to college instead of me having to catch up after the military. As an adult I wish I'd taken school more seriously. I wish I would have accepted Officer Candidate School when it was offered to me.

So many "I wish I would have..." and "take it from me..." thoughts to share but who listens? After all it's 20/20 hindsight right? Should we just learn by the school of hard knocks or try and give someone a lift up?

1 - 20 of 29 Posts

mccombie_5

· #2 · Oct 31, 2005

Dont rush into marrage

I was married already at a young age and i had to divorce at a YOUNG age to marry my darling Claire

lesson: dont rush into big things like that.

Rolex

· #3 · Oct 31, 2005

I'm not much of a "what if" guy. Every road I traveled, good or bad, led me to the life I have today. I'm probably happier now than I've ever been.

Reactions: 1

Kev

· #4 · Oct 31, 2005

The two main things that would have made a difference in where I am today are these;

1. I didn't figure out until my last year of HS that all I had to do to get straight A's was pay attention in class and do my homework. I wish my folks had taken more interest in my education that way. I was very intelligent but lacked wisdom.

2. I wish I had learned to handle money and budget properly including regular disciplined savings. If that had been the case I would be in much more secure financial condition today.

These two things I would encourage younger people to work on.

RobertCTS

· #5 · Oct 31, 2005

Kev said:
The two main things that would have made a difference in where I am today are these;

1. I didn't figure out until my last year of HS that all I had to do to get straight A's was pay attention in class and do my homework. I wish my folks had taken more interest in my education that way. I was very intelligent but lacked wisdom.

2. I wish I had learned to handle money and budget properly including regular disciplined savings. If that had been the case I would be in much more secure financial condition today.

These two things I would encourage younger people to work on.

Good and valid points Kev. If you have kids try to pass those thoughts on.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. I have a gifted daughter. She was in the school gifted program and in the Honor Society. She enrolled in college and didn't last the quarter. She became a PIB(People in Black) and hung out with creeps. She really strained our relationship. She's now 27, works at Mt Carmel Hospital and getting a free 2 year education from Columbus State College. Getting A's in the medical field. Hell, she could easily have become a Doctor. Today she thinks her Dad has come a long way and is much smarter!

mccombie_5

· #6 · Oct 31, 2005

I think my kids are doing well for themselves at the moment, my older son is in University, in architecture, my younger son is in college doing courses in English Language (like his mother), graphics, Photography and Film Studies.

My daughter is still in School. She will also be going to college when she is 16.

My son did get in with the PiB as Bob put them, but he didnt have any issues at all and still did his work, they turned out to be, although funny looking sometimes, great, intellignet and very funny kids, much nicer than alot of people their age, he and his friends were given a room in our house, they were really cool kids, and alot of them are at his college and still visit. Although it was weird for them hanging out in Mrs McCombie's house! (My sons and daughter all go/went to the school my wife is the headmistress of!)

Kev

· #7 · Oct 31, 2005

RobertCTS said:
Good and valid points Kev. If you have kids try to pass those thoughts on.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. I have a gifted daughter. She was in the school gifted program and in the Honor Society. She enrolled in college and didn't last the quarter. She became a PIB(People in Black) and hung out with creeps. She really strained our relationship. She's now 27, works at Mt Carmel Hospital and getting a free 2 year education from Columbus State College. Getting A's in the medical field. Hell, she could easily have become a Doctor. Today she thinks her Dad has come a long way and is much smarter!

Sounds a bit like the "Samuel Clemens Parental Itelligence Meter Syndrome". lol

Bottom line is the individual must make the choice and live with the consequences good or bad. It helps to have good relationships with those who have the wisdom and experience to encourage and guide that individual in thee right direction.

Rolex

· #8 · Oct 31, 2005

RobertCTS said:
Good and valid points Kev. If you have kids try to pass those thoughts on.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. I have a gifted daughter. She was in the school gifted program and in the Honor Society. She enrolled in college and didn't last the quarter. She became a PIB(People in Black) and hung out with creeps. She really strained our relationship. She's now 27, works at Mt Carmel Hospital and getting a free 2 year education from Columbus State College. Getting A's in the medical field. Hell, she could easily have become a Doctor. Today she thinks her Dad has come a long way and is much smarter!

WTF is with the PIB thing? Kids wearing black clothes, dying their hair jet black, and hating the world....I guess I don't see the appeal.

RobertCTS

· #9 · Oct 31, 2005

Rolex said:
WTF is with the PIB thing? Kids wearing black clothes, dying their hair jet black, and hating the world....I guess I don't see the appeal.

Don't forget the black eye shadow. It's a sign of rebellion. They think it makes them look different and unique. But you go to the mall and you see dozens of the freaks. Fortunately she outgrew that phase and moved on. I think she will do well from this point. As you can imagine it's an ordeal for the parents.

ben72227

· #10 · Oct 31, 2005

I guess I don't see the appeal of being PIB/goth either. I mean, why hate the world and want to die? There's so much more to life than death. Death is facinating, sure, but its not something you should dwell on too much, or life will just pass you by:helpless:

Reactions: 1

mccombie_5

· #11 · Oct 31, 2005

It isnt always that for them....here anyway.....people expect goths to be the most depressed people, always thinking about death. They can be happy too! They are often the best people you cane ver meet and talk to, they are FRIENDLY!!!

Never judge a book by its cover! Someone help me out here im fighting this one alone

Krashed989

· #12 · Oct 31, 2005

Yeah I have a lot of semi gothic friends. They are just out to have fun.

If I had to do it over again, I think the only difference would be that I would not be as shy as I was. A lot of times in the past I lacked confidence, and that took away what could have been many great experiences.

addison_ii

· #13 · Oct 31, 2005

I wish my parents would have taught me financial responsibility. I have taught it to myself and while I am doing good if learned earlier I could have been a lot farther in my life goals now.

When a freshman in school in Louisiana, I made the Varsity Football Team!! I was a very good DT and only was going to get better but my mother moved(as she did a lot then) and when I got to my new school my interest had waned. so I also wish we would've been more stable.

I had to grow up way too early. My parents (dad) was and stil is facing drug addiction and (mother) is reluctant to leave a relationship(not my father)that isn't going anywhere fast. So since 94, I was the responsible one until I left home for good.

Marriage: Wow, that is a subject that makes me laugh. While my wife and I are doing great now, we have had our problems. While I'm thrifty(El cheapo as she calls me)she has a tendency to spend money like the Niagra Falls flow. It almost led to a divorce. So like MC5 I'll admonish everyone to carefully weigh your decision in this regard.

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addison_ii

· #14 · Oct 31, 2005

Krashed989 said:
Yeah I have a lot of semi gothic friends. They are just out to have fun.

If I had to do it over again, I think the only difference would be that I would not be as shy as I was. A lot of times in the past I lacked confidence, and that took away what could have been many great experiences.

I agree. That's another one of my do-overs. I missed out on some wild parties and experiences that would have given me more character.

I also would join the Navy as a Do-over. Reading Stoney's and other stories about military life makes me think I missed valuable experiences.

mccombie_5

· #15 · Nov 1, 2005

addison_ii said:
I wish my parents would have taught me financial responsibility. I have taught it to myself and while I am doing good if learned earlier I could have been a lot farther in my life goals now.
When a freshman in school in Louisiana, I made the Varsity Football Team!! I was a very good DT and only was going to get better but my mother moved(as she did a lot then) and when I got to my new school my interest had waned. so I also wish we would've been more stable.
I had to grow up way too early. My parents (dad) was and stil is facing drug addiction and (mother) is reluctant to leave a relationship(not my father)that isn't going anywhere fast. So since 94, I was the responsible one until I left home for good.
Marriage: Wow, that is a subject that makes me laugh. While my wife and I are doing great now, we have had our problems. While I'm thrifty(El cheapo as she calls me)she has a tendency to spend money like the Niagra Falls flow. It almost led to a divorce. So like MC5 I'll admonish everyone to carefully weigh your decision in this regard.

Although my circumstances were not as extreme as with yourself Addison, my dad did leave when iw as young, my parents appeared to have had an on-off relationship. He remarried, that relationship ended, he married again, that relaionship was with a much younger woman, and that also ended, he is on his fourth wife, and i can see that being on the rocks.

I was married at 17! We "eloped" to gretna green in Scotland to be married. THen we came home, set up house and we both knew it wasnt right. When i met Claire i was still married, and i left that marraige because i was in love with Claire. I left my car with my ex wife. She still drives it. Its a 28 year old car!!

Anyway, That is really the thing i would go back and redo, i am happy ot have helped my mother through during my parents divorce.

My finances were always well kept. My father felt guilt when i was about 15, and started to pay up, he gave me a 1961 Jaguar E-Type in 1973, and then had me give it to my mother as a part of her divorce settlement, that to this day, she never received the rest of. He also gave me money towards my cars, and helped me with my first marital home. A beautiful little house near to my mother. I can never forgive him for what he did to my mother and my sisters, and also myself by leaving.

Off track, sorry.

The past makes you the person you are.

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Kev

· #16 · Nov 1, 2005

mccombie_5 said:
It isnt always that for them....here anyway.....people expect goths to be the most depressed people, always thinking about death. They can be happy too! They are often the best people you cane ver meet and talk to, they are FRIENDLY!!!

Never judge a book by its cover! Someone help me out here im fighting this one alone

I think most kids that go Goth or PIB are just like most any teenager, crying out for recognition, acceptance. It's a fad like many others. It's intended to shock and thereby draw attention to the individual.

I personally don't think that the majority of kids in Goth are as obsessed with death as they portray. Most of them just need someone to show interest in them, to be genuinely concerned for them. Even those with loving, caring parents may feel that their folks misunderstand them.

It’s very cool to approach someone who seems to be wearing signs that say “Go away!” push past them and offer your friendship to them. I am often amazed at the life and brilliance found behind those masks.

mccombie_5

· #17 · Nov 1, 2005

Kev said:
I think most kids that go Goth or PIB are just like most any teenager, crying out for recognition, acceptance. It's a fad like many others. It's intended to shock and thereby draw attention to the individual.

I personally don't think that the majority of kids in Goth are as obsessed with death as they portray. Most of them just need someone to show interest in them, to be genuinely concerned for them. Even those with loving, caring parents may feel that their folks misunderstand them.

It’s very cool to approach someone who seems to be wearing signs that say “Go away!” push past them and offer your friendship to them. I am often amazed at the life and brilliance found behind those masks.

Thanks Kev, it shows ya it really helps if you dont let the appearence of people intimidate you. Some off the kids on the streets, particularly in this area, are real hudlams. Rioters. The goth/emo/insert style here kids are often the nicer ones, i know that all of my son's friends from school, were NICE kids, my wife told me so herself, she said these werent the kids that caused the trouble, otherwise she wouldnt let them into our house! The first time i saw my son's (now ex) girlfriend iw as shocked, array of piercings, black hair, make up on her face, the most unusual outfit i have seen on any person yet, and it turned out that she was a really nice girl, i saw her near my work recently, i had my hands full, she came and opened my car door for me, and alot of her pals came over to chat "This is Mr McCombie, Y'know, as in, McCOmbie's dad, hes cool :cool2:"

I got to relate to these kids, usually i might know their parents, and have a peception from that, but because they are from an array of different backgrounds (my wifes school is public authority, i would never put my kids in private education) They make their own impressions.

There is an area in Newcastle City Centre, where all of the Goth kids and such like hang oround, i know most of them! Whenever i walk past "the green" slot of them come and talk to me.

Anyway, my message is dont look at these kids as weird, they are people like you or me, just because they have black hair, eyelined, painted nails, piercings, tattoos doesnt make them bad people, and it certainly doesnt mean their thoughts are bad! Honestly, talk to someone who looks like this, as Kev says push past the masks, and see the brilliance of alot of these people.

*puts soap box back under table*

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ben72227

· #18 · Nov 1, 2005

My life has turned out good so far I suppose, the only things that I regret are that:

(a) I never got into sports at a young age, which I sometimes think COULD have been a good thing for me. I'm a big guy, so I could have probably played football, but I just was never that interested in it when I was younger.

(b) I've never been much of a student. I'm smart (or so they tell me [I made a 28 on the ACT the first time I took it]) but I hate school and I hate studying and doing homework, I think sometimes it may be because I have an undiagnosed case of attention deficit disorder, because I seriously have trouble sometimes paying attention or keeping awake when I should...

(c) I grew up WAY too fast. I know too much, I think sometimes. I've seen things that I certainly could have lived without seeing, and in some cases its really altered my views and perceptions of the world, but mainly of people. So, I guess I wish that I had been a bit more sheltered as a child, as they say "Ignorance is Bliss

"

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DVC-Don

· #19 · Nov 1, 2005

Over again? I would not have waited 10 years after marriage to have our kids. It sucks having active teens now and not being able to keep up with them in some activities due to my bad knees.

airbalancer

· #20 · Nov 1, 2005

DVC-Don said:
Over again? I would not have waited 10 years after marriage to have our kids. It sucks having active teens now and not being able to keep up with them in some activities due to my bad knees.

I am 48 I have hard time kepting up with grandkids:bonkers:
The one thing about having kids younge I can go drinking with my grandson when I am 59

What changes, studied harder, push one of kids to be a teacher( so would have been good)
Besides that not too much.

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