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Discussion Starter #1
I drive up to my athletic club, yet on the way, the display reads "Battery No Charge" yet I still drive it to the gym (Idiotic teenager v). So, finding that my battery was dead, a friend and I got out the jumper cables, and, making one of the most rookie mistakes. I crossed the cables and realized it after about 5 seconds, rip them off after 10 seconds.. fix the cables up, and go back to my car. i turn the key, the computer seems to be working, speedometer jumps all the way up and slowly comes back. I get the engine started, and as my friend pulls away, I notice that the computer is not displaying anything, no temp, no display. I put it in reverse, and it shifts very rough, put it in drive and it shifts roughly to that, I pull out on the road, to try to get it home, yet when I try to gas it, it tries to stall out, the only thing that the engine will do is idle. I idle the vehicle for about a mile and it dies. I think the battery died again (no charge). Is my vehicle as good as gone, should I check some fuses in any certain place? I know I'm dumb and I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice on how to dig myself out of this hole. I appreciate any ideas, except smartass ones, I get enough of those at home.
 

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96 SLS
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you need to post model and year at least. I had something close to this happen in my Toyota. Car would idle but not drive. turn out to be spark plug wires. I didn't have the other problems with the gauges like you mention.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Of course I do, it's a 95 Seville STS, polo green. Yesterday was a long and forgetful day.. thanks for any help.
 

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'03 STS (RIP), '89 Eldorado, '13 Malibu, '89 Grand Wagoneer
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If it makes you feel any better I've done that before... I was drunk at the time (in my youth of course) and had the cables backwards. Nice little spark, a few explicatives yelled, and pulled them off immediately. Luckily there was no major damage but then again that car didn't have the amount of electronic doodads that your Cadillac has. I would certainly check your fuses first, that's why they're there. Hopefully it will just be a couple blown ones and you'll be on your way.
 

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I've done this once too... That was almost 30 years ago... Even then, most cars have a "fusible" link that protects the rest of the car if someone installs the battery backwards or jumps the car wrong too...

Step one, replace the battery. All of your symptoms could be cause by a nearly dead battery too.
 

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1997 SLS
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You might try disconnecting the positive terminal on the battery (do this at home in case it dies again), for about 5 minutes. Then reconnect and see if your computer module(s) reboot correctly.
 

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96' Eldorado, 00' Volvo 770 N14+ 525HP
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I had this same senario a month ago....(except for crossing the cables) If your battery and connections are good, Id bet your alternator is shot. Mine said the same thing when it died-Bat No Charge. I load tested my battery and it was good, threw an alt. on her and good as new. I doubt you hurt the computers on the car.

BTW if you do remove your alt. have them check it before replacing it, but Im 99% sure this is your culprit. And while your at the parts store get yourself some red 4 gauge cable with some battery eyelets and replace that wimpy alt. wire going to battery, I would replace the ground on the battery too.

Hope this helps.
 

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2006 STS V8 AWD, '95 Ford Ranger
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You're very goddam lucky that the battery of one car or the other didn't explode and spray sulphuric acid all over hell. That's usually what happens when the jumper cables get switched. The good lord protects fools and drunks.
 

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White Diamond '03 DHS (with DTS floor shift)
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Try disconnecting the battery like Greg suggested. Then pull the codes and check the voltage reading.
 

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1997 Eldorado, 2003 Audi RS6
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You might try disconnecting the positive terminal on the battery (do this at home in case it dies again), for about 5 minutes. Then reconnect and see if your computer module(s) reboot correctly.
:cookoo:

Disconnect the negative so that if your tool hits anything metal you don't get any arc welding action going in your engine compartment.

If you disconnect either side of a circuit, it will totally deactivate, and thereby reset it. Disconnecting the positive offers no advantage at all over the negative, and the added risk of arc welding...
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks fellas,
As you can imagine, that is all good news to hear, and yes, the good lord protects me quite frequently. I will try all of this, and get back to you guys. The battery is actually an Optima yellowtop, but it has obviously been through some torture, for it to be so bad, I will pull and replace it tomorrow, and see if that does any help, then move on to fuses (fusible link and others on the engine compartment (back seat, I have a feeling) and also the alternator. Thanks again.
 

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the battery wasnt charging at first and then the dashboard being blank .... is a sign of battery that is not charging.... meaning ur alternator is done... i've gone through 2 alternators on my STS 1995 and i've had the whole dash gone blank before..... since the battery's juice is practically drained..... i really doubt you fried anything....

good luck!!
 

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I did the same thing on a dark, rainy, foggy night and it was also pretty drunk out that night. I was as freeked out as you are but in my situation I had no response when turning the key at all. Turns out I just fried the fusible link and it was a minor fix......Whew!!.....was I relieved! Anyway I doubt you did any major damage. Good Luck!
 

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yeah i bet its the alternator i heard a story about that the guys cars computer was not working and things were messed up and he had the alternator changed, JUST LIKE NEW he said so im thinkin thats probably your problem
 

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2010 Cadillac Premium AWD CTS
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Caffeine, my Optima yellow top just died on me last week after 2.5 years.. just outta warranty. :mad: I never got a "no charge" message but all my lights still dim... does that happen with yours? Also, How long did your Yellow Top last?
Wow! I thought those battery were suppose to outlast regular batteries? My father owns a suburban and he has a delco battery in it that is over 5 years old with no problem.


David
 

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Discussion Starter #18
The Yellow top is a great battery, in my opinion. I don't think that I could kill it if I tried. It is not running quite as strong as it used to, after roughly 8 months of abuse, including the (non-capacitor) strain that a 2500 watt sound system puts on it. But I'm sure that, if I was to take care of it, an Optima; any top could last me five to ten years, I've tried to kill this thing to bring get a brand spankin new one off of warranty, and Batteries Plus keeps calling me back to pick up my undying battery.
 
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