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1992 Fleetwood S&S Hearse, 1993 Buick Roadmaster
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567 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I've decided to do something that has been pressing on my mind for some time. I've decided that I have to do a review of the Ford Fiesta. Why? Several reasons actually. Firstly, the people DEMAND to know! Secondly, my son is using the TV right now, and I'm bored. Okay, really just the second reason.

At my place of employment, we do deliveries of auto parts to commercial customers. Our current delivery vehicles are both Fiestas. Not really sure if they're both 2014 models, or if the last one we got is a 2015. But trust me, it REALLY doesn't matter.

Have you ever wanted to drive a car that launches from the line like a bullet, that is full of comfortable amenities, that handles like a precision racing machine? Yeah, me too. And it sure as hell ain't gonna be found in the Ford Fiesta.

"But Ratmonster," you say, if you're even still reading this drivel at this point, "surely you didn't think that the economy offering from Ford was going to be some kind of racing legend or something. Surely you're smarter than that!" Well, first of all, I never said I was smart. That's your screw-up. Secondly, I didn't expect that much from the little booger. But good Lord above, it could have given me something good!

Our Fiesta was almost a 17,000 dollar car. For similar money, you can get some other econo-crap-box that at LEAST has power windows. Yup, I said NO power windows. The car came with hideous, out-dated hubcaps that look like something off of a 1998 Taurus. The interior is cramped, hard, unattractive, and cheesy. No, not actual cheese. Actual cheese would have been FRIGGIN' AWESOME!!! Can you imagine a cheese dispenser in car? Delicious cheese whenever the mood strikes? And maybe a cracker vending machine - okay, we're getting really off-topic. And now I want cheddar.

Now we'll jump in the drivers seat (not too hard, you'll break it) and go for a commercial delivery drive. Once you start her up, naturally you'll want to turn on the radio. Well, good luck with that complicated piece of crap. Also, you can select audio pre-sets, but who puts a digital radio in a car without an adjustable EQ these days??? I know why they did it though. If you crank up the base, the car will just vibrate off the side of the road. So we turn out of the parking lot onto the main street and hit the gas. Feel the power! Can you feel it yet? No? Okay, give it another couple seconds. Still not feeling it? Okay, how about the nice, firm shifts? What do you mean it feels like someone is forcing lumpy Jello through the transmission? That's just insulting. Surely the powerful roar (whine) of the engine (hamster wheel) has you on the edge of your hard, plasticky seat? What do you mean I'm a douchebag?

So, in short, the Fiesta is an amazing car, if you're not really into cars. If you want a bland, uncomfortable appliance to slowly, lumpy-ly, shaky-ly, and unimpressively not-so-spirit you about town, RUSH to your local Ford dealership and pick one up today! Trust me, they'll have plenty of them sitting there. Even the Nissan Versa makes this thing look primitive.

Let me know if you enjoyed this at all, and I'll find more stupid things to review when my kid won't give up the TV.
 

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2013 ATS Performance 2.0T M6, 2016 Mustang GT Performance Pack, M6
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6,631 Posts
Go for it.

I drove a Fiesta ST (which is quite a bit different than the base Fiesta) on an autocross course last year. Ford did a traveling event. The course was designed to make driving easier for newbies. You never got out of 2nd gear and the few slow parts barely benefited from downshifting. It was a fun car to drive, possibly the best handling FWD car I've driven.

My son had a foot race against a very well used first gen Fiesta when he was around 8 years old. It took the Fiesta a good distance to catch him.
 

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06 CTS Sport/Luxury package
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9,804 Posts
One of the trucks that is used at my company, installing solar panels. The truck has power locks, windows and mirrors. 5 speed auto with tap shifting, on the shifter. It has some good take off speeds to boot.

BUT!!! No radio, it's just a space with two pockets. Though there is an USB charging port, go figure.

KOT
 
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