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okay, everyone tell a good joke!


A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel bulging out of his pants. The bartender sees this and says "Hey, pirate! Did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?!?"

The pirate says "ARRR! It's driving me nuts!"
 

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'05 Expedition
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What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

"Stand back, baby--I don't know how big this thing gets!"
 

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:devil: ADULT HUMOR :devil:
Fearful that their son saw them having sex the mom decided to talk to him. The mom explained, "You know how big daddies belly is, I was sitting on it, trying to flatten it." To that the little boy explained, "Mommy, you're wasting your time, when you go to work, the lady across the street comes and blows it back up!"
 

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SLS97 said:
:devil: ADULT HUMOR :devil:
Fearful that their son saw them having sex the mom decided to talk to him. The mom explained, "You know how big daddies belly is, I was sitting on it, trying to flatten it." To that the little boy explained, "Mommy, you're wasting your time, when you go to work, the lady across the street comes and blows it back up!"
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :histeric: :histeric:
 

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1994 Sedan Deville
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What about the one where the man has a sex change to become a lesbian?
or
One night a guy comes home from work, and he's feeling a little frisky. He goes to the bedroom and sees his wife in bed and proceeds to do the "Do". He gets all in to it, he sees his wife is trying to say something so he covers her mouth with his hand because she likes it rough sometimes. So he finishes up and goes into the kitchen to make a snack and he opens the refrigerator to take a look for some ideas. He didn't see his wife walk up and when he looks up she scares him and he slams the door.His wife says
would you keep the noise down, your mother is in our bed sleep.
 

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2015 Mazda3 S GT Hatchback 2013 Kia Optima SXL
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The little rascals are in class. Mrs Crabtree asks the rascals to say a word, spell it, and use it in a sentance. Spanky is the first to go. He says the word pretty. Mrs Crabtree asks him to spell it, and he does. She then asks him to use the word in a sentance, which he replies, "Darla is real pretty". Mrs Crabtree praises him, and moves onto Darla. Darla chooses the word ugly. She spells it, and says, "Buckwheat sure is ugly". Mrs Crabtree scolds Darla for speaking of her classmate in such a manor. She then moves on to Buckwheat. Buckwheat chooses the word dictate. Considering the difficult word, Mrs Crabtree gives him a moment to think about his choice. Buckwheat blurts out D-I-C-T-A-T-E. She is stunned that he could spell the word, and then asks him to use it in a sentance. He said "ask Darla how my dictate last night".

Don
 

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Wife came home one day and tells her husband she wants to have surgery to increase the size of her chest.

He says, You don't have to have surgery to increase the size of your chest.

She says, How can that be?

He says, All you have to do is wipe toilet paper between your breast everyday and they will get bigger.

She says, How does that work?
He says, I don't know but it sure worked for your ass.:histeric: :histeric: :histeric:
 

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94 FWB, 93 SDV, 94 FWB (sold), 90 Brougham (sold)
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Hahaha, that's a good one!

Did you hear about the latest from the Magic Kingdom? It's really pretty tragic, actually. They kicked Minnie out of Disney World! I guess they just got tired of the nonesense; she was f*cking goofy!

Brian
 

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94 FWB, 93 SDV, 94 FWB (sold), 90 Brougham (sold)
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How do you get a one-armed Polack to fall out of a tree?

Wave.

Why did the Polack break his legs raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

Why do the Polish bury their dead with their asses sticking out of the ground?

So the Germans have a place to park their bikes.

BTW, I'm neither German or Polish, but my woman is 40% of each, so I'm not just a biggot.

Brian
 

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Teacher asks each student to take a letter of the alphabet, come up with a word starting with that letter, then compose a sentence.

Knowing that dirty Eddie turned everything into profanity, the teacher was being very careful.

For the letter "A" the teacher was certain that Eddie would choose "ass" so instead she called on little Mary.

"A is for apple. The apple fell from the tree."

For the letter "B" the teacher knew that "bitch" would be Eddie's choice, so she asked David for a word and a sentence.

"B is for baseball. I want to be a professional baseball player when I grow up."

The teacher went through almost the entire alphabet until she reached the letter "R". She couldn't think up anything dirty that started with "R" so she finally called on Dirty Eddie, who had been straining to raise his hand to get the teacher's attention for every letter but this one.

"R is for..........R is for RATS!"

The teacher was relieved.

"R is for RATS, BIG ****ING RATS WITH DICKS THIS LONG!!!!"
 

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I heard this one at the hospital ..last friday i think ...lemme see if i can remeber

CIA is testing new recruits ....2 dudes and one blonde lady (no offense supa).....

They all passed there tests ...there was one last test for them all....Frist dude walks up and the instructor hands him a gun and says "as a test to see if you will follow any order given "here is loaded gun , go in there and shoot your wife"...First dude doesnt even think about it and says "HELL NO"....Instructor fails him ......Second dude gets the gun and is told "your wife is int here go shoot her" ...he goes in but comes out crying "i couldnt do it sir i lov her too much"...so he is sent home...last the lady walks up , instruct says "to see if you will follow any order we give you here is a gun , go in there and shoot your husband"....she marches right in and slams the door behind her .....you hear a scream and 10 shots are fired ..then more screming and pounding , several metallic claings and a few minuted later she walks out clamly covered in sweat and blood....Instarctor walks over and asks her "what happend" ..she said "you gave me blanks ******* i had to kill him with a chair"
 
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