Road Trip Rules and Etiquette

[Jesda]

I've covered 20,000 miles crossing the country in various directions, and I'm about to tack on another 2,000 miles this weekend. Its time I laid down some rules and guidelines for drivers and passengers.

Drivers:
1) Know the mechanical condition of your car! There's no excuse for a breakdown. In case something does go wrong, bring a decent set of tools, a flashlight, a service manual, and water. If you're mechanically ignorant, have the vehicle inspected before leaving. Bring a full-size spare and leave the doughnut at home, if you can spare the trunk space.

2) Stop at every hole in the wall location advertised on a billboard.

3) During the day, try to eat local food or at regional chains. Save McD's for late nights when nothing is open... unless you're traveling on couch change.

4) Always overestimate fuel expenses! Your calculator may give you a cost of $200 at 26mpg. However, when you're in the middle of Montana doing 120mph, that 26 will quickly drop to 12.

5) You will not arrive as early as you expect to. You just won't. 'Budget' yourself an extra day or two, especially if your road trip is taking you to an event with a specific date.

6) Subscribe to XM.

7) Bring a digital camera. Take pictures of every obscure, stupid thing in sight.

8) Stay with friends if possible. Save your money for souvenirs, tourist traps, and retarded little knick knacks.

9) Don't be afraid of cheap motels. Just because it costs $28 doesnt mean its any worse than a Howard Johnson (sometimes better) -- I stayed at a $120 La Quinta that had pubes in the tub and trash under the bed and sink.
With ANY motel or hotel, no matter how nice, do the following the moment you walk into your room: Pull the sheets off to check for bugs, take a whiff of the air in the room, and make sure the water pressure in the shower is decent.

10) Bring your own shampoo. Motel shampoo sucks, or sometimes it isn't provided.

11) Bring a WiFi locator tool. I use the PSP.

12) If an exit sign says "Scenic Route" or "Historic", take it.

13) Be comfortable. The people you see on road trips are people you will never see again, so don't dress to impress. In the summer, wear some cheap athletic shorts and a big, comfortable t-shirt.

14) Leave your cell phone off. Disconnect yourself from the outside world and use it only for returning voicemails or making outgoing calls (911, 411, hotels, directions, etc).

15) Be friendly to the locals and they'll be friendly to you. When you're the outsider in a small town, you aren't better than anyone, no matter how much you paid for your S-class.


Passengers:
1) You do NOT have ANY right to touch the radio or suggest changes to the music. Bring ear plugs if you hate the way the driver sings.

2) Pee at every stop, even if you don't think you need to. Do not tell the driver you need to pee at 3AM in the middle of South Dakota in the dead of winter.

3) When sightseeing on foot, the driver is still in charge. Obey the driver or buy a bus ticket.

4) Do NOT critique the driver's ability to operate a vehicle. There will be NO whining about speed.

5) Do not ask the driver to decide who gets the front seat. Figure it out for yourselves.

6) Do not use your cellphone for idle chit chat in the car. The driver would rather listen to music.

7) Do NOT use alone time in the car to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets. In the confines of an automobile, you may start to feel close to the driver and other passengers, but no one needs to hear about how you were molested by your uncle and had 'experimental' experiences with the local circle jerk club. Once the road trip ends, the closeness will wear off and things will return to normal; everyone will know you're a damaged, molested weirdo.

Most importantly, explore. Road trips are called adventures for a reason.

More to come.

[Florian]

Originally Posted by Jesda

I've covered 20,000 miles crossing the country in various directions, and I'm about to tack on another 2,000 miles this weekend. Its time I laid down some rules and guidelines for drivers and passengers.

Drivers:
1) Know the mechanical condition of your car! There's no excuse for a breakdown. In case something does go wrong, bring a decent set of tools, a flashlight, a service manual, and water. If you're mechanically ignorant, have the vehicle inspected before leaving. Bring a full-size spare and leave the doughnut at home, if you can spare the trunk space.

2) Stop at every hole in the wall location advertised on a billboard.

3) During the day, try to eat local food or at regional chains. Save McD's for late nights when nothing is open... unless you're traveling on couch change.

4) Always overestimate fuel expenses! Your calculator may give you a cost of $200 at 26mpg. However, when you're in the middle of Montana doing 120mph, that 26 will quickly drop to 12.

5) You will not arrive as early as you expect to. You just won't. 'Budget' yourself an extra day or two, especially if your road trip is taking you to an event with a specific date.

6) Subscribe to XM.

7) Bring a digital camera. Take pictures of every obscure, stupid thing in sight.

8) Stay with friends if possible. Save your money for souvenirs, tourist traps, and retarded little knick knacks.

9) Don't be afraid of cheap motels. Just because it costs $28 doesnt mean its any worse than a Howard Johnson (sometimes better) -- I stayed at a $120 La Quinta that had pubes in the tub and trash under the bed and sink.
With ANY motel or hotel, no matter how nice, do the following the moment you walk into your room: Pull the sheets off to check for bugs, take a whiff of the air in the room, and make sure the water pressure in the shower is decent.

10) Bring your own shampoo. Motel shampoo sucks, or sometimes it isn't provided.

11) Bring a WiFi locator tool. I use the PSP.

12) If an exit sign says "Scenic Route" or "Historic", take it.

13) Be comfortable. The people you see on road trips are people you will never see again, so don't dress to impress. In the summer, wear some cheap athletic shorts and a big, comfortable t-shirt.

14) Leave your cell phone off. Disconnect yourself from the outside world and use it only for returning voicemails or making outgoing calls (911, 411, hotels, directions, etc).

15) Be friendly to the locals and they'll be friendly to you. When you're the outsider in a small town, you aren't better than anyone, no matter how much you paid for your S-class.


Passengers:
1) You do NOT have ANY right to touch the radio or suggest changes to the music. Bring ear plugs if you hate the way the driver sings.

2) Pee at every stop, even if you don't think you need to. Do not tell the driver you need to pee at 3AM in the middle of South Dakota in the dead of winter.

3) When sightseeing on foot, the driver is still in charge. Obey the driver or buy a bus ticket.

4) Do NOT critique the driver's ability to operate a vehicle. There will be NO whining about speed.

5) Do not ask the driver to decide who gets the front seat. Figure it out for yourselves.

6) Do not use your cellphone for idle chit chat in the car. The driver would rather listen to music.

7) Do NOT use alone time in the car to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets. In the confines of an automobile, you may start to feel close to the driver and other passengers, but no one needs to hear about how you were molested by your uncle and had 'experimental' experiences with the local circle jerk club. Once the road trip ends, the closeness will wear off and things will return to normal; everyone will know you're a damaged, molested weirdo.

Most importantly, explore. Road trips are called adventures for a reason.

More to come.

Ah, these only come w/EXPERIENCE! Congrats on being able to see the US. If youre ever in Cleve, see #8 in the drivers Section, youre always welcome. Enjoy!


F

[Elvis]

If you're going to fart, please crack the window or sunroof.

[c5 rv]

I've traveled with my teen (now young adult) sons. More passenger rules:

- Eating: Don't unless the driver OKs it, you share, and you don't make a mess.

- Farting: Don't, even if you're asleep.

- Belching: See farting.

- Singing: Only along with the driver. Never sing along with your Ipod.

- Ipods: It is a personal entertainment device. If anyone else in the car can hear it, it is no longer personal. Turn it down.

- Legroom: Never ask the driver to move his seat forward. If you need more legroom, sit on the right side and front & rear passengers negotiate quietly. Strangulation of the front seat passenger is not negotiation.

- Shoes: Leave them on. See farting.

- Dashboard: Not a footrest or storage shelf for front seat passenger.

- Luggage: If you can't comfortably sit for 500 miles with it resting on your lap, don't bring it. As a courtesy, we may store it in the trunk if you follow all the rest of the rules.

- Behavior: Driver threats to stop the car and leave you out right here, right now are to be taken seriously. Whatever you are doing, stop it.

[nyyankeehater]

Don't forget:

• When you pee in the Mountain Dew bottle, don't get any on my damn seat!
• Co-pilot. Open that beer before handing it to the driver (oops, that would be wrong)

[DILLIGAF]

Am I the only one that stops at titty bars?Always,Always,take binoculars,gps and a fishing pole.I'll buy stuff as I need it.

[Florian]

Originally Posted by nyyankeehater

Don't forget:

• When you pee in the Mountain Dew bottle, don't get any on my damn seat!
• Co-pilot. Open that beer before handing it to the driver (oops, that would be wrong)

Excellent observations here, NYYH. When we used to travel on the team bus and the shitter was occupied, wed use the 2 liter bottle trick as well, but if the driver saw us, hed tap the brakes just to make us miss. Bastard!


F

[I~LUV~Caddys8792]

Good ideas guys! I can't wait to roadtrip next summer in the Cadillac! Out of the group of 6 guys I hang out with all the time, we have a '98 Wrangler (horrible road car), 98 Ranger Standard Cab 2.5 I-4 (excellent gas mileage, only a 3 seater), 93 Buick Century (good car, but a mini Cadillac), a '01 Accord EX Coupe (bad idea) a '93 Maxima SE (cramped inside, same MPG as my car) and my car. I think mine is the only sound choice, plus at 25 MPG, it's the most efficent of all of them

[Night Wolf]

Road trips are awesome! gosh I love driving, and the open road.

I've *only* been on 3.... the same NY-FL route, in all 3 of my different cars... and they weren't site seeing stuff.... but gosh its so much fun...

Aimee is looking forward to road trips too .

The Isuzu looks to be pretty much a go.... 22-25mpg in that (heh, better then what the DeVille was getting as of late), the top down, windows rolled down and sun roof poped open... means that has gotta be a fun little truck to cruise in.... plus, being a truck, it leaves the abailty to have some fun on dirt roads or other off-road terrarin when you pull off the highway.

[EcSTSatic]

These are great tips!

I may have missed them above, but I recommend:

1. Bring toilet paper. Truck stops and old gas stations can get nasty!
2. Ladies, may want to carry some of those flushable toilet lid covers. See no. 1
3. Bring a camera or other recording device for those kodak moments.
4. Don't follow construction vehicles. There's no telling what may fly out.
5. For the love of God, slower traffic keep to the right!!!

[UNCLLUIE]

I don't know. I always dress neatly for road trips. Figure it helps in case you get pulled over.

One thing I always do is charge anything I can, figrue it leaves a paper trail if I get abducted by aliens or some psycho. Also helps when road tripping abroad. Probably have about 100 dollars in coins from places like Estonia, Latvia, and other places I may never go back to and who don't use real money!

[davesdeville]

This is a good thread so I'm gonna bump it.

I've done about 7000mi worth of road trips (CT-NM, round trip to San Antonio, Tulsa, Austin, Phoenix 2x) in the past 2 years and these are all fairly accurate.

Traveling with my friends who are also dudes makes the 'courtesy rolldown' rule for any bad smell very important. It applies to burps as well, and is enforcable even if it is raining outside.

I wear sandals a lot of the time, then (because they haven't been stuck in shoes all day) my feet do not smell, so I can take them off when I please.

Bring one of those million candlepower spotlights (I bring a charger and my power invertor) - they're surprisingly entertaining on the road at night and useful if something goes wrong.

Originally Posted by Florian

Excellent observations here, NYYH. When we used to travel on the team bus and the shitter was occupied, wed use the 2 liter bottle trick as well, but if the driver saw us, hed tap the brakes just to make us miss. Bastard!

Thats the funniest thing I've read all week.

Which reminds me, if you need to make a trucker bomb, gatorade bottles are much more convenient than soda bottles. Plan this in advance when you're buying drinks, because if you drink something, you'll have to take a piss eventually.

[gdwriter]

Originally Posted by EcSTSatic

For the love of God, slower traffic keep to the right!!!

Amen! That drives me nuts. There are many times on the busy I-5 corridor between Portland and Salem where there will be a clot of 10+ cars clogging up the left lane. Fortuantely, that stretch has three lanes, so I can usually get past them all using the far right lane. But it's just so freakin' stupid.

_________________
If I had known this is what friends are for, I would have signed up as an enemy! -- Ethel Mertz

[addison_ii]

Originally Posted by davesdeville

Which reminds me, if you need to make a trucker bomb, gatorade bottles are much more convenient than soda bottles. Plan this in advance when you're buying drinks, because if you drink something, you'll have to take a piss eventually.

I agree Gatorade bottles are must easier to use because the opening is wider. Or you can use a nice half gallon jug if your going for ease of use and quanity. Also bring moist wipes(ie. baby wipes or Charmin Freshmates) for those times when tissue just won't do. (everyone knows what I mean). Try to bring cups with plastic lids or sports bottles for drinks bought from fast food restaurants. They can usually be closed tighter and can even turn over without creating a mess. Put all snacks into a ziplock bag. See preceeding sentence.

[90Brougham350]

Great tips! I like everything I've read. However, something nobody's mentioned yet, be polite and curteous to truckers. After all, you're spending a lot of time in their "workplace." Passing one and then pulling infront of it with 20 feet to spare will not make a trucker happy. They have CB radios, and they will let other drivers know if there's an out-of-state car on a trip being an *******. Always pass and leave plenty of room, and wave once in a while. Most OTR guys wouldn't mind a friendly hello.