Well....

[DopeStar 156]

.....after making a really depressing post in another thread which I now wish I hadn't done I guess I'm forced to explain where I've been for the last few weeks and what's been going on......

My fience and I are no more.....

Through a long and drawn out three weeks of twisted events that I don't want to go into anymore involving her, myself, and someone who I thought was a close personal friend, it has come to a close with her and him together and me alone with two people who want me to be their friend......sick....

She and I had some honesty issues on my part, just stupid shit I made up about myself for the sole purpose of making myself more interesting. Being that I clinically suffer from social anxiety disorder and paranoia (diagnosed) I have next to no confidence in my ability to make friends or start relationships on my own without some sort of a mask. This would explain why most if not everyone on here knows me only as "DopeStar."

When she had found out that there were many things about the person she had been dating and was engaged to for two years were untrue she got really upset and the stability of the relationship was put in danger. I had introduced her to some old friends of mine from high school about a month ago and she had started to get close to one particular person in that group. They had a conversation that in the end had revealed my secrets. Once she was informed she approached me and interrogated me as to what was fact and what was fiction. She also decided it was the appropriate time to inform me of a few key points in the relationship that she was unhappy with which if brought to my attention two ****ing months ago I could've done something to address, but since I guess I'm a world renowned psychic I should have known all along.

Through out a week and a half of spending time apart she came to the conclusion that she didn't want to be engaged anymore, and eventually that she didn't want to be with me anymore, however she wanted to continue to see me as a friend. As expected I went off on her in a hail of verbal gunfire then apologized later for it and said I would give being friends an honest try. It lasted a good three days until I found directions to my so called friend's house on the floor of her car, and a bunch of text messages from him on her cell phone. One of the messages in reference to March 2nd heavily suggested that the two of them had sex on that day. What's so screwed up about that is that's the DAY AFTER she broke up with me. So as soon as the shackles were off she ran to his dirty ass.....

In all honesty there's nothing in the world I'd rather do than go to his house and push my thumbs through his eyes but I'm expected to keep my head (and my thumbs) in the right place. After trying to propose we start over and try the relationship again from the beginning, then later begging for another chance, she has informed me that even though she "still cares for me," there is no longer any love for me and she doesn't want to date me.

Since she's now with my so called friend I can't even hang out with any of them because she'll be there. When I'm at school I have no where to go because I can't crash at her house anymore. When I'm at home I have no where to go because she's most likely out with MY friends. I feel like she screwed me and took most of my friends with her. There's nowhere I can go to escape the torment that rolls around inside my head. Everywhere I turn there's a momento of her or our relationship that stares me in the face. Whenever I'm alone it haunts my mind and the image of him on top of her projects itself in my head and can't be blocked out. I'm starting to lose it almost every second of every day and my ability to function during my day to day routine has been demolished. I seek help around every corner and no one can give me what I want. My mind has warped into two parts, one that hates her and one that wants her back. I'm living my life and making decisions based on coin flips alone and I can't take it anymore. The thought of committing myself has come up at least two dozen times in the last 48 hours and it's gotten to the point where I have pamphlets on crisis centers and to top it all off my social anxiety/paranoia dessert combo is worse than ever and has left me in a state where I can't even talk to people so there goes my ability to "find another fish in the sea......"

The lesson here is don't make someone your entire world because they can take it all with them when they go......

[JC316]

Damn, I am sorry to hear that man. My advice here is to let it go. She obviously doesn't care that much about you if she would do this and your friends aren't friends if they would do that to you. I would NEVER do that to someone that I called a friend.

[NOT ON MY WATCH]

Dopestar. Really sorry to hear about your situation. Breakups are painful and life will suck for awhile - quite some time perhaps if your circle of friends has been impacted - but time will pass and one day you will meet someone else - someone better in every way. In other words, love will hit you upside the head with a 2 x 4 when you least expect it.

I realize you're probably not in the mood to hear this, but since you posted details - you have to expect older and somewhat wiser folks to respond (yes, I'm including myself in that batch).

The lesson isn't primarily about not making someone else your entire world - it's about learning to forge relationships based in honesty. Yes, we all tell little white lies to make the world go more smoothly, but making things up about yourself is not going to allow you to build a trusting and lasting relationship. When someone makes up lies about themselves and their significant other discovers it - it is a slap in the face and you are a very lucky person if they will forgive you fully.

Again, I know this isn't probably what you want to hear, but you need to focus on yourself right now and involve yourself in POSITIVE things - and things that will help you better yourself. You're still a young guy - plenty of time to focus on a new hobby or daily regimen (try something artistic, lift weights, study martial arts, etc.). Set some new goals for yourself and get disciplined about your daily routine.

Also, you might try writing things out - that helps a lot of people when they are feeling overwhelmed by events and emotions. Just the act of writing seems cathartic. Just don't obsess over things too much - you're young and have a whole spectacular life ahead of you.

Chin up, bud!

[ejguillot]

Whoa! Slow down and don't do anything stupid, OK? While having a relationship end like that sucks (and there's no way around it), it's not worth having it dominate your world from now on. Take it a day at a time, and remember that you have some good friends here on the forum.

While this is the first time I've replied to one of your threads, I do enjoy what you post and would say that you're one of the better forum members.

[RightTurn]

So sorry to hear this, DS. Take care of yourself, please. :gurl:

[nickc50310]

Damn DS sorry to hear it.

Youre much better than those dirtbags anyway. I know it hurts but just hang in there. It will get better, I promise friend!

If she is gonna pull some shit like that, that skag aint worth your time obviously.

If your friend did that shit to you he is just a worthless POS and will likely get his ass kicked pretty bad at some point. Personally, I would stomp him out if I was you.

[DopeStar 156]

Originally Posted by NOT ON MY WATCH

Also, you might try writing things out - that helps a lot of people when they are feeling overwhelmed by events and emotions. Just the act of writing seems cathartic.

In one day I completely filled a 5 subject notebook, cover to cover with my feelings and emotions expressed into words and depressed/enfuriated drawings....

I even wrote on the manilla colored parts.....

[dkozloski]

Give it a couple of days and the edge goes off. The day will come when you'll look back at this and be damned glad you got out with a whole skin. There could be kids or debts or the lord knows what involved.

[gary88]

Damn man, I'm real sorry to hear about that. Time heals everything, just keep your head up and make the best of each day.

[NOT ON MY WATCH]

Originally Posted by DopeStar 156

In one day I completely filled a 5 subject notebook, cover to cover with my feelings and emotions expressed into words and depressed/enfuriated drawings....

I even wrote on the manilla colored parts.....

Writing is great, but you need to make sure you're doing OTHER THINGS - POSITIVE THINGS.

Do not let yourself get sucked into obsession about this. Yes, I realize it sounds like I'm asking the impossible, but most if not all of us have been through at least one terrible breakup in our lives, and we all came out the other side. I also realize your emotional/social/mental challenges make this more difficult - you are likely at the point where you do need to talk to a counselor if you are unable to focus on anything else.

Whatever you can do to involve yourself in other activities is really important right now. Maybe there is a friend or relative you could hang out with for awhile - whether you talk about things with them or not isn't critical (might be helpful, but isn't critical). Getting your mind *naturally* (no doobies) into a calmer and positive state *is* critical.

[CadillacGurl]

I'm so sorry Dope. Similar to Notonmywatch said, focus on your job. Work you way up Also setting goals and getting a new hobby always helps out.

[Lord Cadillac]

It's bad, but it could be worse (as others have mentioned).. Hang in there....

[DLE]

Hang in there man, it'll get better! I promise!




P.S. Go to a titty bar.

[I~LUV~Caddys8792]

I remember when I got ****ed over by Samantha and Ellie about two years ago, you were there to help me Dope, and your solutions were great. So I know you've got it in you to get better and dig yourself out of this current emotional hole.

Sure, it'll take some time and it won't be fun, but I'm sure after a while you'll be 100% again.

The best of luck to you friend,

Chad.

[Destroyer]

Pheww, thats bad man and I'm sorry to hear it. I've been in your shoes though and I know the trauma you are experiencing. Make no mistake people this is a traumatic experience, worse I think than if a guy cheated on his girlfriend/wife. Of course the problem thickens with the fact that she is with your friend and that she is hanging with all your other friends because of it.

Thing is, IF you were ever to get back with her you would NEVER ever let her live this down, even if you promise her you will. What you have to do is man up, swallow it and pretend it doesn't bother you. Let her see it doesn't bother you and that it was her loss. Obviously you have to vent, you have to keep busy and keep your mind off it. I suggest working out, especially with a punching bag. In time you will find another girl, you are still very young. As much as this seems like the end of the world, it aint. No woman is worth what you are doing to yourself and your agony.