View Full Version : More man laws

11-22-06, 08:51 PM
1. If a man in bar says I love you to his male friend, it shall be assumed his male friend picked up his tab. If not, the first man must be red flagged and should not ride home with him alone.

2. A man asks a woman for forgiveness, not for permission

3. "Calling it" is an acceptable means of settling issues of ownership

4. It is never acceptable for designated wing man to leave the assingment

5. A man must not own a cat unless a. it's a puma, lion, tiger, or jaguar b. it has an awesome rep or c. it is named after an 80s cartoon character. example: lion-o

6. It is completely acceptable for a man to use his dog as a wingman or tailgunner

7. "Dude" or "Man" are acceptable references to be used in place of actual name.

8. A mans handshake should be no less than 3lbs of pressure psi

9. When men scratch themselves, a min of 90 seconds must past before you shake another mans hand

10. A man should never apologize or explain why he never called another man back.

11. A mans wife/girlfriend may not accompying him to a gathering consisting of all men

12. Men must not wear a popped collar unless named "The Fonz" or "Dracula"

13. A man shall never judge another man for the way he dresses, except when in violation of other man laws.

14. No man shall ever change t-shirts because "this one is wrinkled". instead, wear it or iron it while it is still on you. it is also unacceptable to point out a wrinkle on another man.

15. A man should never use the word "fabulous"

16. hats are never to be thrown away, only retired in your room, attic, or garage

17. Hats should never be worn sideways or backward position unless
a.) it's a rally cap
b.) your left handed. in which case the bill may be off center up to 10 degrees.

18. No man shall leave a bathroom without first creating suitable odor to ilicit cheers or tears from either current, or future occupants

19. No man shall talk to another man while using a public bathroom except in the case of no tiolet paper in their stall. also, if using a urinial... eyes forward at all times

20. No man is required to lower the seat unless dropping a duece. ladies, it is easier for you to put it down than it is for us to put it up. blame gravity

21. If an article of clothing doesn't look dirty, or smell dirty...then it is clean

22. Scratching of rear end is publicly acceptable so long as it is no more than 2 quick scratches. violations inlcude "going deep"

23. A man must have a firm and defendable stance on the designated hitter rule.

24. Pick a team, and stick with it

25. If your state has more than one professional team you can not cheer for both

26. A man who has decided to support a team in the playoffs/other big stage but did not follow them in the league stage....is not a fan, but a bandwagoner. thus, not a man

27. Conversation during sporting events must consist of sports

28. A man may ask what the score is, but never ask who's playing

29. When eating nachos, if a man picks up a nacho and it is connected to other nachos, it is considered one nacho.

11-22-06, 10:09 PM
Very cool post. I especially like the nacho one and the 3 psi handshake rule. :histeric:

11-24-06, 04:26 AM
Addition to above:
30. NEVER apologize for motor grease under fingernails, in knuckles or on the bridge of the nose.
31. Use of an umbrella is only acceptable when accompanied by and carried for wife, girlfriend or main squeeze.

11-24-06, 08:45 AM
14. No man shall ever change t-shirts because "this one is wrinkled". instead, wear it or iron it while it is still on you. it is also unacceptable to point out a wrinkle on another man.

I have been thinking of this for a while... I have never seen a warning on an iorn that says do not iorn clothes while on. Ive looked. I need opinions, do you think this can be my big break to get a settlement? I will take a discreate second degree burn to the chest for $2 million.

If that is too much of a given what about this... Habachi grills, been to a few, never seen a warning sign that says caution hot, do not touch, grills are not always hot and leaves a door for another potential burn to get a settlement. I think I could get over on Benni Hannas. The same holds true for Fondue resturaunts.

Let me know...

11-24-06, 08:08 PM
I think you have a good shot. Technically, there is no warning. Common sense says not to do it, but to hell with that!

Let us know what happens! :rofl: :D

11-25-06, 09:54 AM
Pretty funny! I'm in agreement with all of 'em except 18. I flush as soon as it drops to avoid any odors--more so in a friend's or relative's house.

JRau in central Iowa