: Daily True-isms!



90Brougham350
11-14-06, 01:12 PM
What are things we can simply assume in today's society? I believe there are general rules which can be followed. Keep adding to the list everyone!


The more a man talks about how big of a unit he's got, the smaller it really is.

The more a kid talks about how fast his Honda is, the less likely it is that he'll actually race it without making excuses.

The younger a teenager is, the more he'll claim his favorite alcohol is something like Guiness or 151.

The biggest bouncer in the bar drove to work in a Cavalier.

Everyone has a rich uncle.

Tennis shoes are all too often used for computer programming.

Elvis
11-14-06, 03:08 PM
Don't squat with your spurs on.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Kev
11-14-06, 03:27 PM
We aren't nearly as smart as we think we are.... nor as good looking either....

.... but sometimes we're pretty clever ..... :D

EcSTSatic
11-14-06, 03:32 PM
Don't spit into the wind. Don't step on Superman's cape. Don't take the mask off the Lone Ranger and don't mess around with Jim.

Kev
11-14-06, 03:34 PM
Don't spit into the wind. Don't step on Superman's cape. Don't take the mask off the Lone Ranger and don't mess around with Jim... and PLEASE don't quote corny old songs!!! :p

EcSTSatic
11-14-06, 03:37 PM
.. and PLEASE don't quote corny old songs!!! :p

Sorry Kev, but I live by those words. :)

Elvis
11-14-06, 04:16 PM
It's NOT corny.

...even if you do got a two-piece custom made pool cue.

Florian
11-14-06, 05:01 PM
Its not how long you make it, its how you make it long....


F

Elvis
11-14-06, 05:22 PM
It ain't the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean.

Rolex
11-14-06, 05:31 PM
Don't sweat the petty things.......and please pet the sweaty things. ;)

Murphyg
11-14-06, 07:04 PM
Its not the sizes
Its how you slam it of the sides

RightTurn
11-14-06, 08:01 PM
Its not the sizes
Its how you slam it of the sides

:alchi: Huh???

TomDeville
11-14-06, 08:11 PM
I am not as think; as
you drunk I am:alchi:

:cool2:

RightTurn
11-14-06, 08:30 PM
I am not as think; as
you drunk I am:alchi:

:cool2:


My kinda guy, Tom. :alchi:

Kev
11-14-06, 08:45 PM
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the BONE!!!




Oh.... did I type that out loud?

OffThaHorseCEO
11-14-06, 08:53 PM
you dont work you dont eat, you dont grind you dont shine

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-14-06, 11:29 PM
Those who brag have less to offer.

The bigger the braggart (or ego), the more insecurities.

The bigger the truck, the smaller the penis.

Kev
11-15-06, 12:00 AM
We get what we give (and we usually get what we deserve)

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-15-06, 12:15 AM
Yep!

And one of my personal beliefs:

'What goes around comes around" Karma at it's finest!

OffThaHorseCEO
11-15-06, 12:36 AM
The bigger the truck, the smaller the penis.

i beg to differ, i get people all the time askin why i drive such a big car, is it to compensate

i say, no im tryin to create a theme here

big car,big speakers,big watch, big money, big xxx

Kev
11-15-06, 12:41 AM
The bigger the truck, the smaller the penis.i beg to differ, i get people all the time askin why i drive such a big car, is it to compensate

i say, no im tryin to create a theme here

big car,big speakers,big watch, big money, big xxxSo... what you're tryin to tell us is ..... you need more leg room?

OffThaHorseCEO
11-15-06, 12:43 AM
ahaha no, more headroom

Kev
11-15-06, 12:45 AM
ahaha no, more headroomLeg room, head room, what's the difference? :bigroll:

OffThaHorseCEO
11-15-06, 01:31 AM
a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

can someone explain that one?

railven
11-15-06, 01:36 AM
Yep!

And one of my personal beliefs:

'What goes around comes around" Karma at it's finest!

You do know that's not how Karma works?

JimHare
11-15-06, 07:39 AM
1) The other check-out line always moves faster.
2) You always think of the best retort after the confrontation.
3) The phone will only ring when you sit down to dinner.
4) Always check the Public Rest Room T/P status before you sit down.
5) Household batteries only go dead when you run out of spares for them.
6) Just when you think you're getting a little financial cushion, something happens to wipe it out.

And, from the computer programming world:

1) Variables don't.
2) Constants aren't

HITMONEY
11-15-06, 09:08 AM
My grand-pappy always use to say...

You can't polish a turd, it's shit all the way through.

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply,
because they will stop making it.

malcolm
11-15-06, 09:23 AM
My pappy said, 'Son, you're gonna drive me t' drinkin' ...
If you don't quit drivin' that - Hot ... Rod ... Lincoln!'

EcSTSatic
11-15-06, 09:46 AM
http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/flattery.jpg


http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/motivation.jpg

dp102288
11-15-06, 09:54 AM
Don't rush time, or you will run out.

Don't waste money, or you will soon have none to waste.




I love this thread, lots of good lines here!

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-15-06, 09:44 PM
i beg to differ, i get people all the time askin why i drive such a big car, is it to compensate

I don't think I've ever gotten that responce, which is wierd because I stand 5'6" and weigh in at a mighty 140! lol! IF I was trying to compensate for something, I'd be driving something the ladies like...like a sports car or big truck. Most women (that haven't seen the depression) aren't turned on by Cadillacs. LOL!




You do know that's not how Karma works?

It's not? Inform me!

Kev
11-15-06, 09:48 PM
Here are a couple more;

"The hurrier I go, the hinder I get." (kinda like dp102288's quote)

"Don't drink any more than you can sweat out 'cause you haven't got time to go to the bathroom!"

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-15-06, 09:51 PM
This is a good one from a song.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

90Brougham350
11-15-06, 09:57 PM
A little morbid but an excellent quote nonetheless! BTW the forums have taken a bit of a Pink Floyd turn lately, it's awesome!

Florian
11-15-06, 11:12 PM
my pops always told me: Never be in a hurry to get into trouble and Always respect power tools.



F

Florian
11-15-06, 11:13 PM
This is a good one from a song.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

How bout some Animals....

Just an old man, All alone and dying of cancer.........


F

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-15-06, 11:22 PM
I love how cynical Waters was! Kinda like me.

Some more from "Dogs"
-Don't spit into a fan
-Don't use/abuse people...you're gonna end up in the same place anyways.

Uhh! There are so many good life lessons in "Animals"!

Kev
11-15-06, 11:24 PM
How about;

"I only got two speeds, an' if you don't like this one, you won't like the other.."

TomDeville
11-16-06, 01:31 AM
That's when the two (2) speeds are
slow and stop.

Floyd was a trip; while,
taco & beer farts do rip.


Best Regards,

TomDeville
:cool2:

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 01:37 AM
dont let your mouth write a check that your ass cant cash

dont bite the hand that writes the checks, you might go broke

its always in the last place you look

Kev
11-16-06, 01:47 AM
its always in the last place you lookI certainly hope so!!!

Benzilla
11-16-06, 01:57 AM
Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut. ;)

He why smelt it delt it.

People don't do what they want to do, they do what you let them do.

Don't get high on your own supply.

It may be small but it fits 'em all :D

LittleB
11-16-06, 01:59 AM
Don't get high on your own supply.

It may be small but it fits 'em all :D

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!! :histeric: :rofl::LittleB:

TomDeville
11-16-06, 02:02 AM
Big or small.
Thick or thin.

Vaseline will
get it in.


TomDeville:cool2:
:cool2:

LittleB
11-16-06, 02:31 AM
Big or small.
Thick or thin.

Vaseline will
get it in.


TomDeville:cool2:
:cool2:

:worship: :banana:

JRau
11-16-06, 08:01 AM
Here's a few:

A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Nothing separates the men from the boys like the cost of car insurance.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Anybody driving slower than you is an idiot. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. :rolleyes:

JRau in central Iowa

Elvis
11-16-06, 10:22 AM
Went to a funeral the other day. 80-year-old man, WWII vet, brilliant chemist, pilot, sportsman, adventurer. A great life.

They passed this out at the door:

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
speak to me in the easy way that you always used.
Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.

Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)

dp102288
11-16-06, 11:05 AM
^^ Very nice for the funeral.

Tom...you are a true word god!

Kev
11-16-06, 11:15 AM
If common sense were truly common there would not be so much stupidity and foolishness in this world. On the contrary, it seems that common sense is extremely valuable and painfully rare. KRA

90Brougham350
11-16-06, 11:31 AM
Poor man's version = common sense ain't so common!

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 11:53 AM
hindsight is 20/20

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 12:50 PM
hmm, thanks for the points on that, whoever it was..... Santa?

LittleB
11-16-06, 12:51 PM
You need to become a supporting member!!!!!

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 12:58 PM
im a poor mexican, i had to steal this laptop im on

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 01:00 PM
and i built my home pc out of old radios (circuitry),stale wafers (ram) cd stacks packed tightly into tiny cases (harddrive) an old typewriter and an etch a sketch is my monitor


btw my mouse is furry...

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 01:03 PM
remember that 3d cts model,i did that on my laptop, the home computer is more powerful so i use it to do more complex 3d modeling like this
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/89000/89089jOQN_w.jpg

behind-bars
11-16-06, 01:04 PM
a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

can someone explain that one?

http://humanities.byu.edu/elc/student/idioms/proverbs/bird_in_the_hand.html

LittleB
11-16-06, 01:04 PM
im a poor mexican, i had to steal this laptop im on

Oh please!! I remember you talking about those nice slacks and white shoes you bought....You ain't poor!

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 01:09 PM
damn,you got a good memory, what you didnt know is i spent 2 years salary on that

LittleB
11-16-06, 01:30 PM
:lies: :bsflag:

EcSTSatic
11-16-06, 01:44 PM
:yeah::histeric:

LittleB
11-16-06, 01:50 PM
ANDDDDDDDDD you were even talking in the other thread about hooking your girl up with a sound system so HUSH! :D

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 02:09 PM
thats in another thread not this one, and plus i was talkin about keepin it below 100 dollars, which ive been saving up since i bought those shoes

LittleB
11-16-06, 02:10 PM
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhm. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. :D

OffThaHorseCEO
11-16-06, 02:13 PM
hehehe fo real

Murphyg
11-16-06, 08:07 PM
I hate PEOPLE
All PEOPLE
I think PEOPLE are ass holes

Thats why Im glad Im a PERSON

Dont be like ALL OTHER PEOPLE
Dont be an ass hole

Be YOUR OWN PERSON

Kev
11-16-06, 08:11 PM
Well .... alrighty then ...... :suspense:

gothicaleigh
11-16-06, 08:20 PM
The younger a teenager is, the more he'll claim his favorite alcohol is something like Guiness or 151.

I honestly like Guinness. :(

Murphyg
11-16-06, 08:33 PM
The more you chew it the wetter it gets
The wetter it gets the more you chew it

You all know we're talkin bout bubble gum right

Cause then eventually ya gotta blow it till it pops

Murphyg
11-16-06, 09:42 PM
The best thing to ever come out of England
Was the road to Ireland
DOHHH :stirpot:

Hey....Im a Murphy :thumbsup: what do you expect :alchi: :alchi:

Murphyg
11-16-06, 09:59 PM
Second place is just a nice way to say
Your The First Loser.

LOL

Im not a loser.....Im A WINNER.

Winner Winner We Have A winner

LittleB
11-16-06, 10:01 PM
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.-Peter Ustinov

Murphyg
11-16-06, 10:02 PM
Never be so nieve to believe that your friend is actually trying to throw the M&M peanuts into your MOUTH

Now thats Comedy lol

LittleB
11-16-06, 10:04 PM
LOL that's funny!

Here's another one:
If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

Murphyg
11-16-06, 10:10 PM
Shit always flows down hill
Unless you have a pump....

Ha Ha plumbers rule.
But If brick layers lay bricks then what do plumbers do ? Lay pipe ?

Murphyg
11-16-06, 10:12 PM
If you think Im going to get down on my knees
Then you had better get down on your elbows

Benzilla
11-16-06, 11:21 PM
Some of my favorite quotes.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
--Andy Rooney

If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
--Rita Rudner

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
--W.C. Fields

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse
--Dennis Miller

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
--Tom Clancy

Murphyg
11-16-06, 11:48 PM
Measure twice
Cut once
Throw it all away and start all over

Kev
11-17-06, 12:11 AM
Never enough time to do it right the first time but always time to do it over......

JRau
11-17-06, 10:20 AM
Here's a few more truisms:

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
At my age, "gettin' a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
You know you're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know until the 4th of July.

Keep in mind that I work at a retirement community, so some of those have made their rounds around here!:)

JRau in central Iowa

Elvis
11-17-06, 02:28 PM
At my age, pulling an "all-nighter" means not having to get up in the middle of the night to pee.

Kev
11-17-06, 07:42 PM
At my age, pulling an "all-nighter" means not having to get up in the middle of the night to pee.Here here! I can't remember when I've slept uninterrupted!

90Brougham350
11-17-06, 07:46 PM
I'm 21 and I get up every night to pee! This isn't good.

TomDeville
11-18-06, 12:51 AM
Age is not the issue for you
it is most likely attributable
to the booze before bed.:thumbsup:


:cool2:

dp102288
11-18-06, 11:41 PM
I posted this a while ago...

"Never have one girlfriend while you are in school. Zero is the best number, but never 1. Aim for at least 2. That way you can't fall in love and drop out. The other one(s) will kick your ass first, and the one you love will just leave you" -My father.

Jesda
11-19-06, 01:16 AM
http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/8609/1141196776fh0.jpg
White girls taste like candy.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
11-19-06, 01:30 AM
LOL! Where'd you find that? Was he photoshopped in or was he put there to please the affirmative action *******s?

90Brougham350
11-19-06, 01:33 AM
Jesus, where did you find that? Jesda, you never cease to amaze me. Tom, you might be right on the booze before bed, but then again, I can't breath through my nose (guess that should have gone in the "things we didn't know about you" thread) due to a deviated septum so I wake up several times a night with a dry mouth. If I drink too much water, I wake up again to pee, with a dry mouth. And my back hurts. I'm an old man in a young man's body.

dp102288
11-19-06, 08:52 AM
http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/8609/1141196776fh0.jpg
White girls taste like candy.


I wouldn't be shreiking! I would be smiling, like this-->:D

Kev
12-11-06, 09:19 AM
"Honest as an adjective to politician is an oxymoron." - KRA -

dp102288
12-11-06, 10:19 PM
^^ I love it!

Damn I heard a good one recently, but I can't remember...(I am too young to be losing memory. ahahah!)

JRau
12-11-06, 10:27 PM
Jesus, where did you find that? Jesda, you never cease to amaze me. Tom, you might be right on the booze before bed, but then again, I can't breath through my nose (guess that should have gone in the "things we didn't know about you" thread) due to a deviated septum so I wake up several times a night with a dry mouth. If I drink too much water, I wake up again to pee, with a dry mouth. And my back hurts. I'm an old man in a young man's body.

Dude, that's rough! Have you checked into sleep apnea? Go to a sleep specialist and have 'em run some tests on you. It's painless, and you'll sleep alot better.

JRau in central Iowa