: Because I am a MAN.



Elvis
10-23-06, 03:04 PM
Ladies, if you understand this, you’ll get along a lot better with us.


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is not a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
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This has been a public service message
for women to better understand men.

Benzilla
10-23-06, 03:18 PM
lol, so true. But I can't even be relied upon to get any food anymore, I always get the wrong brand of milk, WTF, it all comes from the same place!

AznPrydeRegalRyde
10-23-06, 03:23 PM
Great post, although I didnt read most of it once I realize it wasnt about sports sex cars or sex. :)

OffThaHorseCEO
10-23-06, 03:35 PM
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

add to that ill jiggle stationary objects under the hood test the looseness haha

gary88
10-23-06, 03:59 PM
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control (http://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/#) in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).


So true. I don't think i've ever watched TV without the remote either being in my hand, or balanced on my knee.

90Brougham350
10-23-06, 04:24 PM
The reason a man watches TV with a remote in his hand is so when a commercial for "Queer Eye" comes on he can change the channel that much quicker.

P-Funk
10-23-06, 04:25 PM
That was great (and true).

I'll hit ya with some points when I can.

dp102288
10-24-06, 10:32 AM
I do the same thing with the engine. Pop the hood, wiggle the battery terminals, and shake the washer fluid tank. The car then starts right up.

ShadowLvr400
10-24-06, 01:31 PM
I'm having to question my manhood now... When I go under the hood of my car, things get fixed... When I go grocery shopping, weird stuff comes back. (Chef, so that may be why) The remote sits on the armrest. On the getting sick.... I'ma a true man, if I get a cold, I'll ignore it, if I get the flu, I'll ignore it. If I sever my arm in a chainsaw accident, and any of my buddies are around, I won't scream, I'll jokingly tell them to toss it in the cooler and put a beer in that hand. That way, when we reattach it, I'm prepared with a nice cold drink.

STScadillac
10-24-06, 01:32 PM
These are so funny yet so true....

RobertCTS
10-24-06, 01:40 PM
Gloria Steinam wants your balls Elvis!!:rant2:

Brings back memories of Helen Reddy's song, "I am Woman, here me roar!"
Where's Boomer?!

Elvis
10-24-06, 02:59 PM
Gloria Steinam wants your balls Elvis!!:rant2:

Brings back memories of Helen Reddy's song, "I am Woman, here me roar!"
Where's Boomer?!

Mine are in a jar on a shelf in my wife's closet. Every now and then she lets me play with them.

SpeedyArizona
10-24-06, 04:11 PM
Hahaha, those are very true:histeric:. Nice work Elvis:thumbsup:.

CadillacGurl
10-25-06, 08:20 AM
Haha the whole remote think is so true. It is always in my dad's lap and if we hide it from him he freaks the fcuk out! My brother got grounded once since he accidentally brought the remote in his room and left it there. Quite amusing...