: So, you've decided to visit St Louis.

10-15-06, 10:48 AM
This is a copy/paste of an e-mail I sent to a friend this morning. [Edited for content.]


I asked for time off. Schedules for this week didn’t come out until Friday, and instead of giving me the day off that I requested, I ended up having to come in earlier. Therefore, we will not be hanging out during your visit.

Here’s a summary:

Buy a pizza from Imo’s. This is not optional. This is NOT optional. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL.

The WashU tour feels like an eternity. The campus is too god damn big, but very nice.

Go to the brewery because its cool.

Go to the arch because its obligatory.

Go to “The Loop” on Delmar. Its where all the cool people hang out, therefore not where I hang out.

Go to Forest Park

There’s a Cards game tonight at 7:15pm. Tickets are sold out so that sucks for you.

Soulard is the immediate south side of town where the world’s third-largest Mardi Gras celebration is held. Probably second-largest now since N.O. got raped. Otherwise, its home to the brewery and a farmers market.

Avoid the east side and north side.

If you feel like getting lost in little Italy and paying way too much for excellent Italian food, visit “The Hill.”

Laclede’s Landing is a tourist trap. Drive through it just to see the cobblestone streets but don’t waste your time walking around.

Statistics say crime is high, but all the crime is concentrated into the very obviously crappy parts of town that you’ll never go to anyway. So, in effect, crime is very low.

If you want to see the country’s largest concentration of middle aged moms with cell phones in oversized SUVs, go to Frontenac. You’ll also see a few exotic cars there.

On the Illinois side of the river you’ll find Alton, which is where a big riverboat casino is located as well as a shrine to Robert Wadlo, the tallest f***ing man to have ever walked the earth.

Directly east of downtown is East St Louis IL, arguably the worst place in the whole country, competing with Detroit for top honors.

Further east is Belleville IL, where I grew up. Except for the military population, its basically where catholics without a lot of money go to hide from colored people. Not so deep down inside, they want to build a fence with security checkpoints to keep people in East St Louis from moving in.
People with a lot of money just move to West County, where I currently live and mooch off parental resources.

Its probably too late in the year to get a frozen custard from Ted Drewes.

Ballwin MO is basically Little India. Anyone who is at least 50% Indian lives in Ballwin. I don't know why 1) they choose Ballwin or 2) why so many Indians choose to live in St Louis. Theyre all nice people and Ballwin is a nice town.

St Louis has the world's LARGEST population of Bosnian people. They are also very nice. I have no idea why every Bosnian refugee in the world ends up here.

Drivers are laid back and willing to cooperate, so you don’t have to “fight” traffic. Unfortunately, that also means the whole city will come to a screeching halt so an old lady can merge in her Lesabre at 20mph.

At the moment, MODOT is flush with cash because we directed all our gas taxes directly into the highway fund. Every single f***ing road is under construction. A lot of exits will be closed and you’ll end up taking unfamiliar alternate routes with poor signage. Don’t act smart and think you’ll just “find” your way to where you need to go. The city was planned by a toddler on speed. Buy a map or die.

When someone gives you directions, remember that there is no I-64. The federal signs say I-64 and your map says I-64, but we call it US40. That’s the way we like it. Remember this or you’ll get lost for hours like I did. If you choose to refer to highway 40 as interstate 64, you will eventually get beaten by an angry mob.

People are very chatty, easygoing, and friendly. Strangers will talk to you for hours about crap you don’t care about. Nod and smile, or rob them to teach them a lesson.

If you end up attending WashU, you’ll become inexplicably fond of the region. You’ll start telling people how much you love St Louis, people will ask why, and you’ll find yourself at a loss for words. The correct response is “RAVIOLI, BEER, AND BASEBALL”

After you think you’ve seen the whole town, you’ve only seen 10% of it.


10-15-06, 12:42 PM
I need tickets!

10-16-06, 08:07 AM
I want to go to Belleville IL and scare some people! :devil:

10-16-06, 09:53 AM
This is great timing. I leave Sunday for work to go to some advanced managers training until the 27th. I think I'll be getting pizza!

10-16-06, 02:37 PM
STL pizza sucks... Giordanno's or Uno's or die. :D

10-16-06, 03:51 PM
Wasn't that Robert Wadlow fellow like 8'11"?

10-16-06, 04:05 PM
yeah something like that. I remember him in a pic standing by a bus stop in the middle of a crowd. He was huge!

10-16-06, 06:38 PM
Hey Jesda, I was watching the History Channel, apparently St Louis is due for a massive earthquake within a couple hundred of years. They got on in 1812 that kept shaking from like December of that year to I believe March of 1813. It was crazy. Apparently the worst earthquake ever in the continental US, but not many people inhabited the area back then, so death tolls were quite low.