View Full Version : George Carlin


SpeedyArizona
07-02-06, 11:23 PM
Anybody watch this guy? I love his material:thumbsup: ! There's more, but I thought this was the most appropriate.


"I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail.

But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.

I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!"

Florian
07-02-06, 11:27 PM
LOVE George...that guy is the greatest. Bought my first Carlin album in like 79...guy just keeps gettin better.

F

MacKiNBacK
07-03-06, 04:05 AM
Ive been catching quite a bit of him on HBO with help of the tivo! I love his openers.. Non-stop for like 5 minutes! Plus his material is great! Lol.. Did you catch the 'You are all diseased' one? Saw it the other day. hah. Another fav of mine is Mind of Mencia. Only problem with that is it's on Comedy Central and edited. =(

MacK

JimHare
07-03-06, 08:28 AM
Carlin's been a favorite of mine since about the late 60s - I remember seeing him on the old Steve Allen show, Carson, etc. etc... Anyone else remember "Al Sleet, the hippy-dippy weather-man" ??

He doesn't pull too many punches, I'll say that for him.

noahsdad
07-03-06, 07:05 PM
Carlin opened his show at Carnagie Hall with this line...

"Ever notice how most of the women who march against abortion, you wouldn't f#%k in the first place?"

The starched collars in the front row almost blew a gasket!!!

Read his book "Braindroppings" for a non stop laugh...

tstach
07-04-06, 05:20 PM
The starched collars in the front row almost blew a gasket!!!

It's funny you say this.

My wife and I had second row seats for the Carlin show in Cincinnati earlier in the year. (Taft Theatre) He wasn't even 10 minutes into his spiel when the "starched collar" couple in front of us got up and abruptly left. F em, we had a better view after they left anyway and more room to set our Newcastle empties.

Carlin is getting up there in age and is still brilliant. I didn't realize just how many years he has been in the business.

Funny as hell...

70eldo
07-05-06, 03:17 AM
Man, first time I saw him on video I laught tears in my eyes and pain in my abs! This guy is brilliant!

hardrockcamaro@mac.c
07-05-06, 04:11 AM
I've got a load of his stuff on mp3.
His bit about airline announcements was great because I listened to that before I ever went on a plane so when I was in the airport and on the plane, I kept thinking of that and couldn't stop laughing. People must've thought I was mad...