Well, Im at that magic age where, when you go see your doctor, he wants to get to know your insides...from the backside. My doc is a personal friend of mine and I have dreaded this day for a long time...nothing quite like a childhood friend plunging his spidery fingers into your ass. So there I sit in my paper gown sweating bullets about what is about to transpire. The lube is placed on the counter, the rubber gloves snapped in place and those dreaded words "OK, Florian, turn around and put your elbows on the counter. I feel for you women who have to get your insides checked out, it isnt much fun. My douchebag friend doc didnt even warm the lube up...just jammed me full of chilly wetness. Funny part is, I had a huge lunch and as he was...uh, retracing his steps lets say...he got a nose full of burrito! Well, lets just say, we are still pals (maybe closer now than ever before) and it was embarrasing enough to get my guts probed by a pal, but the worst part was the snail trail up my pants from the goo that mustve seeped out! EWWW anal seepage...does it get any worse? So I had to go home and change my pants (and wash my ass to boot to get that slimey shizzle out of my now violated crack).
:histeric: ahahahahaha, i havent laughed that hard in a long time. whew that was hilarious. sucks for you though. i talked with your doctor pal though and he said you scheduled another one for next week?
Florian said:
Well, Im at that magic age where, when you go see your doctor, he wants to get to know your insides...from the backside. My doc is a personal friend of mine and I have dreaded this day for a long time...nothing quite like a childhood friend plunging his spidery fingers into your ass. So there I sit in my paper gown sweating bullets about what is about to transpire. The lube is placed on the counter, the rubber gloves snapped in place and those dreaded words "OK, Florian, turn around and put your elbows on the counter. I feel for you women who have to get your insides checked out, it isnt much fun. My douchebag friend doc didnt even warm the lube up...just jammed me full of chilly wetness. Funny part is, I had a huge lunch and as he was...uh, retracing his steps lets say...he got a nose full of burrito! Well, lets just say, we are still pals (maybe closer now than ever before) and it was embarrasing enough to get my guts probed by a pal, but the worst part was the snail trail up my pants from the goo that mustve seeped out! EWWW anal seepage...does it get any worse? So I had to go home and change my pants (and wash my ass to boot to get that slimey shizzle out of my now violated crack).
I get that every year when I get a company physical. I told the physicians assisatant who does it that "I bet SHE brags to all her friends how she can lift a 200 lb. man off his feet with just one finger". Then commented how I hate this. She jokingly said, "It doesn't bother me at all". To which I responded, "Good, then you take off your pants and bend over this table". Come to think of it, I have a "date" with her next month. Ya had to remind me didn't you.
I'm dreading that day, I also know my doctor well. We're pals and I couldn't imagine him sticking his fingers up my rear end! Oh well, it's 14 years off...
The Stiffmeister recomends using 3 fingers. :thumbsup:
I had to get the back door exam end of last year.
I went into the ER (as a patient) with some severe belly pains. This is the same ER I have to make regular visits to for consults (to treat patients), so having one of the cute lady physicians (I have to otherwise see face to face) "check my oil" really wasn't too pleasant. If you live long enough it's going to happen though.
I'm sure your friend is a professional and won't ever make mention of "it" while you guys are golfing.
1 word,colonoscopy,untill you've had one of these you truely havn't been violated F.I have a vid if you want to see it LOL.I'm guessing you just had a prostate exam?Small potatoes.I laugh now but the night before the big C is pure helllll.They make you drink gallons of stuff that will make you go and go and go till you levitate off the toilet.Every 4 yrs guys after 40
1 word,colonoscopy,untill you've had one of these you truely havn't been violated F.I have a vid if you want to see it LOL.I'm guessing you just had a prostate exam?Small potatoes.I laugh now but the night before the big C is pure helllll.They make you drink gallons of stuff that will make you go and go and go till you levitate off the toilet.Every 4 yrs guys after 40
I'd have to say, any way you cut it, getting something stuck in your ass is not a desirable situation. Not looking forward to it. Hopefully by the time I need it, someone will have developed a less...invasive...method.
On further thought, if whoever doing it found it amusing in any way whatsoever, like the example of using two fingers and making a joke about a second opinion, I'd promptly defecate on them. Then we'll see who's amused.
I've had the Q-Tip and have been getting prostate exams since my mid 20s.. Fun, fun, fun.. No colonoscopy yet - but I hear it's not that bad anymore since you're basically "out" for the procedure... I think I'd have just let whatever was killing me go through with it before getting a procedure like that fully concious..
Why bother doing it? You can say NO to a doctor and let me tell ya, thats a big fu*kin HELL NO for me.
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