: If someone asked you these question what would you think?



MrSmith
02-09-06, 04:32 PM
Thoughts I never ask



How do you feel?

Do we just share a house and have no relationship?

Do you think its easier to talk to me in person, by letter, phone are not at all?

I have alot of things I want to say but when I see you or get ready to speak to you they wont come out.

When you hear my voice does this feeling come over you that causes you not to want to talk to me? Like your fine untill you here from me?

Do you feel like you would rather be away from me than with me?

Are you happy at all? or is it all pretend?

Is there anything about me that you like at all?

Do you see US in the future or just you?

Is the communication problem just me or is it both?


Just thought in my head I never share. Im asking for help but theres know one to talk to.

Jesda
02-09-06, 04:37 PM
Are you getting divorced?

nickc50310
02-09-06, 04:39 PM
what?? i dont get it. you can talk to me

LittleB
02-09-06, 04:44 PM
Yeah, we're here for ya....are you looking for advice on how to talk to your girlfriend/wife?

Communication is the key! If you are feeling this way, then talk to her...I have no clue what is going on, or what the problem is, so I can't really give you any advice except that you need to tell her how you are feeling.

MrSmith
02-09-06, 05:25 PM
Nope, not getting a divorce:thehand:

I just have a hard time talking. Theres allways an argument if we talk. The expressions on her face bug me. She has this I dont care attitude but at the same time you can see its a front. Getting a straight answer out of her is like asking Clinton did He do it. If I dont have a question, we wont have a problem on my part. If she has a question. Id better answer or theres gonna be consequences and repercussions.

We got into a conversation one day and sex came up. She continually says she doesnt think I want her anymore. I say, the reason I havent touched you is because everytime I do you say its the wrong time. So I wait for the right time. whats the right time you ask.http://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif I dont know I have to just take a chance. She loves the way I look when I take off my shirt. I see that I wanna get some look in her eyes. So I do it. Why I got to her Im not in the mood. when are you ever I the mood. one day she says with a smile on her face. {do you wanna stop having sexhttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif} That left me thinking. If I say yes shes pissed. If I say no then why are we not having it. When I see deep in her Eyes she wants me to say, You know I want you. to me shes playin games. F-The world is my deepest thought <----not really

{Love can make you madhttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gif.}

Who ever said its better to have loved then to have never loved at all needs to be shot in the heart. That probably feels better than Love.

I Feel like Cuba Gooding in Boyz N the Hood. Just swinging at the air:want:

Elvis
02-09-06, 05:26 PM
Sounds like the same pre-Valentine's day conversation I've had about a half-dozen times in my life.

Time for another breakup.

Sorry.

MrSmith
02-09-06, 05:53 PM
O.K. Listen Up! This is what I wrote to her. Did I make a mistakehttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif




I Really Love you. Deeply. I want you continually. I always desire you. But I have a problem communicating it to you.

I want you and I to see many more years together. Im gonna tell you reasons for my feelings. But first off the reason I dont share is fear. I fear that If I say the wrong thing I'll get into an argument. Im still wanting to know how to talk to you.

Everytime I think of sex I feel uncomfortable. The reason is, I dont know if Im gonna be shot down the day after.

I try something with you and it looks as if we are good, but a few days after you tell me we shouldnt have done it OR You hate when I cum in you OR the only reason you do it is because I want to.

If I told you those things you probably would'nt want to touch me.

One day you gave me this smile and said Do I wanna stop having sex? How was I suppose to take that? What if I said Yes we should stop having sex? would'nt you have gotten upset? So I said no. But the truth is I dont want to have sex with you if you dont want to have it with me. I dont want to be the only one wanting it. If I am Id rather not do it at all.

I always want you. Im just afraid of the outcome. I shouldnt be afraid but I am. Tell you this, Im afraid of what you say or think after reading this. But If communication is the Key I have to do it and face the consequences.

This letter is to say no more than I love you and to give you the reason for my issue.

You Have to remember {I didnt say you did anything to me}. And Im not trying to start an argument. Its just an Issue I have to learn to deal with. So I needed to say something.

Love you Much!



Now I dont care if yall pick on me. Just want to know what you think. Its Wifey, not just some chick I dont know. 7 years so far

LittleB
02-09-06, 06:00 PM
Nope, not getting a divorce:thehand:

I just have a hard time talking. Theres allways an argument if we talk. The expressions on her face bug me. She has this I dont care attitude but at the same time you can see its a front. Getting a straight answer out of her is like asking Clinton did He do it. If I dont have a question, we wont have a problem on my part. If she has a question. Id better answer or theres gonna be consequences and repercussions.

We got into a conversation one day and sex came up. She continually says she doesnt think I want her anymore. I say, the reason I havent touched you is because everytime I do you say its the wrong time. So I wait for the right time. whats the right time you ask.http://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif I dont know I have to just take a chance. She loves the way I look when I take off my shirt. I see that I wanna get some look in her eyes. So I do it. Why I got to her Im not in the mood. when are you ever I the mood. one day she says with a smile on her face. {do you wanna stop having sexhttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif} That left me thinking. If I say yes shes pissed. If I say no then why are we not having it. When I see deep in her Eyes she wants me to say, You know I want you. to me shes playin games. F-The world is my deepest thought <----not really

{Love can make you madhttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gif.}

Who ever said its better to have loved then to have never loved at all needs to be shot in the heart. That probably feels better than Love.

I Feel like Cuba Gooding in Boyz N the Hood. Just swinging at the air:want:

Interesting that you bring this up. We go through this as well (with the sex issues.) We keep the lines of communication open, and we definitely are still in love, and attracted to eachother, and we still have tons of fun etc. etc., but for some reason when it comes to sex we get weird sometimes. We used to (like everyone in the beginning) have a wonderful sex life. Now it's kinda sad. We have talked about it, and I think the bottom line is both of us come home from work, want time to wind down, and then by the time we feel relaxed it's late and we are both tired LOL. I know it sounds lame. He has said many times "I'd have sex everyday if I could" and my answer to him was "So why aren't we?". Part of it is he wants me to initiate it because he thinks it's sexy...well I think the same thing, so then there we are both waiting to see if someone is gonna start it up. There is also an issue with my sex drive. It has definitely gone down, and I am not just READY all the time like I used to be. I need a little physical contact to get me in the mood. I don't even mean sexual contact, even just him holding me helps me get there. Anyway I know how you are feeling and maybe you should just say "Honey, I love you and I feel like we need to communicate our feelings to eachother. I'd like to have a talk with you about us, without either of us getting upset, or playing the blame game. I want to keep you happy, and I hope you feel the same, so let's talk". Let her know that you would like to discuss this but not if she is going to get upset.

LittleB
02-09-06, 06:03 PM
O.K. Listen Up! This is what I wrote to her. Did I make a mistakehttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon5.gif




I Really Love you. Deeply. I want you continually. I always desire you. But I have a problem communicating it to you.

I want you and I to see many more years together. Im gonna tell you reasons for my feelings. But first off the reason I dont share is fear. I fear that If I say the wrong thing I'll get into an argument. Im still wanting to know how to talk to you.

Everytime I think of sex I feel uncomfortable. The reason is, I dont know if Im gonna be shot down the day after.

I try something with you and it looks as if we are good, but a few days after you tell me we shouldnt have done it OR You hate when I cum in you OR the only reason you do it is because I want to.

If I told you those things you probably would'nt want to touch me.

One day you gave me this smile and said Do I wanna stop having sex? How was I suppose to take that? What if I said Yes we should stop having sex? would'nt you have gotten upset? So I said no. But the truth is I dont want to have sex with you if you dont want to have it with me. I dont want to be the only one wanting it. If I am Id rather not do it at all.

I always want you. Im just afraid of the outcome. I shouldnt be afraid but I am. Tell you this, Im afraid of what you say or think after reading this. But If communication is the Key I have to do it and face the consequences.

This letter is to say no more than I love you and to give you the reason for my issue.

You Have to remember {I didnt say you did anything to me}. And Im not trying to start an argument. Its just an Issue I have to learn to deal with. So I needed to say something.

Love you Much!



Now I dont care if yall pick on me. Just want to know what you think. Its Wifey, not just some chick I dont know. 7 years so far

I think that was very good, and I really hope she doesn't get upset over it. There is no reason for her to. Keep us posted!!!

LittleB
02-09-06, 06:04 PM
Cheat on your wife before you get too old and have to settle for a raunchy cooch.

What a horrible thing to say :nono:

Jesda
02-09-06, 06:14 PM
Cheat on your wife before you get too old and have to settle for a raunchy cooch.

Thats not right.
















:histeric:

MrSmith
02-09-06, 06:56 PM
I think that was very good, and I really hope she doesn't get upset over it. There is no reason for her to. Keep us posted!!!



Damb! LittleB You alrighthttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif


You said everything the same way I think she and I see's it.

in all your posts hehehe

I~LUV~Caddys8792
02-09-06, 07:00 PM
Damb! LittleB You alrighthttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/%7Erb224/images/fonz.jpg

LittleB
02-09-06, 07:06 PM
Damb! LittleB You alrighthttp://www.cadillacforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif


You said everything the same way I think she and I see's it.

in all your posts hehehe


Awesome :thumbsup: I just hope everything turns out OK. I am sure it will, you just needed to communicate it, and you did so we'll see what happens!!

DopeStar 156
02-09-06, 07:23 PM
http://dana.ucc.nau.edu/%7Erb224/images/fonz.jpg
LOL! Nice.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
02-09-06, 07:40 PM
LOL! Nice.

I saw the opportunity and went for it :tongue2:

Jesda
02-09-06, 08:28 PM
Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......

tru504187211
02-09-06, 09:47 PM
You coooould just get rid of her temporarily for Valentine's day so you dont' have to buy her a gift...or just hold out and be good until she gets her tax refund...

Doesn't sound like shes worth keeping around forever if shes going to try to snap on you if she can't get you to snap first...too much bullshit...too many games...

Katshot
02-09-06, 10:01 PM
Seek counseling. You both need it. Sharing this on a friggin' automotive internet forum is sad IMO.

Elvis
02-09-06, 10:32 PM
If you send that to your wife and she rejects it, the marriage was over a long time ago.

Otherwise, she's damn lucky to have you.

Hope it works out for you.

SpeedyArizona
02-09-06, 10:40 PM
Elvis: There is no need for the bad language.


You asked for trouble, you've found it!

And you don't know the first thing about business, you don't even pay taxes yet!

LittleB
02-10-06, 01:31 AM
Seek counseling. You both need it. Sharing this on a friggin' automotive internet forum is sad IMO.

Why is it sad? He was just asking for advice about something. Many people do that on here...

Katshot
02-10-06, 05:45 AM
Oh gee, let me see....
It's sad that the guy doesn't have any close friends, family or a priest he could confide in maybe? Come on be serious. You don't understand that sharing things like this on an internet forum is sad? The guy definately has some issues to workout but THIS is not the place to do it. He and his wife need counseling by a professional.

MrSmith
02-10-06, 09:31 AM
Oh gee, let me see....
It's sad that the guy doesn't have any close friends, family or a priest he could confide in maybe? Come on be serious. You don't understand that sharing things like this on an internet forum is sad? The guy definately has some issues to workout but THIS is not the place to do it. He and his wife need counseling by a professional.


Your right. I dont have anyfriends to confide in. It looks as though the only people I can get a TRUE responce from are the people who dont know me personally. But thanks for your concern. If something ever took place with you and you dont want to share this way, then dont. I felt like sharing this way.

Tell me. Do you know who I am that this should embarsass me?

OffThaHorseCEO
02-10-06, 10:07 AM
i dont agree with you katshot, i have lots of friends, but theres so many things i wouldnt share with them that id she here. part of it, and no offense to anyone on this board, is the anonymity, noone on here knows me personally, so theres noone to feel awkward around after having asked a stupid question or after having come off as a loser.

also, theres some things about me i just dont want friends to hear from me, its not like a fake image type thing, call it personal. i assume they know certain things about me, but they didnt hear it from me and i like it that way.

back on the subject, what you wrote was good mrsmith and ill agree with elvis about her rejecting or accepting it

Elvis
02-10-06, 10:14 AM
Oh gee, let me see....
It's sad that the guy doesn't have any close friends, family or a priest he could confide in maybe? Come on be serious. You don't understand that sharing things like this on an internet forum is sad? The guy definately has some issues to workout but THIS is not the place to do it. He and his wife need counseling by a professional.

Maybe he just wants a little anonymity. He can ask for advice here without having to deal with someone he knows who might judge them.

axnguyen
02-10-06, 11:03 AM
I see absoultely nothing wrong with asking for advice on a message board. The advice he gets here would probably be similar to advice he receives from friends in real life anyways.

Advice you get from one source (Internet, friends, family, priests, etc) is not going to be all that different from each other. Why? Cause there's only so many options in a situation like this.

1) Give up and break up.
2) Try to ignore it all and just keep going.
3) Find the root of the problem, and fix it.

Needless to say, obviously most reasonable people would advise to option #3 and that's what you'd hear from mostly anyone, regardless of the medium through which you're asking.

Anyways, back on topic. You're attributing it to a communication problem. That is, you can't seem to communicate with her. But the problem is actually, WHY can't you communicate with her? It's because you're scared of what she'll think, or what she might say. You're both scared that the other doesn't want sex. To me, it's a faily clear problem - self-esteem & self-worth issues. The sex issue for sure is a result of fear of rejection on both sides.

What you need to do is actually make her feel wanted - put your pride on the line. You can't just write an e-mail saying how much you want her, and have her believe you.

A quick fix? Buy her some lingerie, she'll feel wanted, and make sure to make her feel beautiful when she puts it on. If she's serious about the relationship (It sounds like she is) she'll reciprocate your actions. She may not to it right away, and it will take persistence on your part, but eventually, when she DOES feel you want her, she'll open up again.

Best of luck.

Katshot
02-10-06, 01:15 PM
Your right. I dont have anyfriends to confide in. It looks as though the only people I can get a TRUE responce from are the people who dont know me personally. But thanks for your concern. If something ever took place with you and you dont want to share this way, then dont. I felt like sharing this way.

Tell me. Do you know who I am that this should embarsass me?

Embarass? You? Based on your "homepage" I doubt you embarass easily. And maybe that could be a clue as to why you're having relationship problems.

As for why I think that an internet forum is NOT the place for this kind of thing, ask yourself this question; how would my wife like it if she saw what I'm writing on the internet about our intimate details of our relationship?
Besides, how often do you read about all types of flakes hiding out in internet forums? You really want to be confiding in them and asking their opinions? If so, I think you're just as bad as the weirdos you read about.

axnguyen
02-10-06, 01:55 PM
Embarass? You? Based on your "homepage" I doubt you embarass easily. And maybe that could be a clue as to why you're having relationship problems.

As for why I think that an internet forum is NOT the place for this kind of thing, ask yourself this question; how would my wife like it if she saw what I'm writing on the internet about our intimate details of our relationship?
Besides, how often do you read about all types of flakes hiding out in internet forums? You really want to be confiding in them and asking their opinions? If so, I think you're just as bad as the weirdos you read about.

You're gonna get flakes everywhere. Just because the ones on the internet are the ones which are sensationalized doesn't mean a thing.

I have a few friends who would probably give TERRIBLE advice ("Screw it, let's go have some drinks, pick up some broads, and then your girlfriend will admit she's wrong").

Besides, it's just advice, what threat is that "weirdo" on the internet?

And I think, no, I KNOW my significant other would rather have me anonymously talking about our relationship troubles online, rather than going to friends, or even worse...family.

Katshot
02-10-06, 02:10 PM
I guess the definition of "freind" has changed over the years. I know you can't talk about intimate details with all your freinds but you should have at least a couple close freinds that you could. This is why I said I think it's sad. Sad if you have nobody in your life that you can actually talk to.

axnguyen
02-10-06, 03:18 PM
I guess the definition of "freind" has changed over the years. I know you can't talk about intimate details with all your freinds but you should have at least a couple close freinds that you could. This is why I said I think it's sad. Sad if you have nobody in your life that you can actually talk to.

I can talk to my friends about anything. Same with my brother or other family. Do I really want them knowing if my girlfriend and I were having sex problems? Not really. Would my girlfriend want them knowing that? Definitely not. Especially depending on what sort of problems they were.

For example, say your wife was going to her friends, giving them intimate details about you...let's saaaay, how you've become impotent. Do you really want her telling her best friend and sister that about you? Knowing you're gonna have to eat dinner with them next week? Or would you rather her get advice about the situation online with strangers you'll never meet?

MrSmith
02-10-06, 06:18 PM
Anyways, back on topic. You're attributing it to a communication problem. That is, you can't seem to communicate with her. But the problem is actually, WHY can't you communicate with her? It's because you're scared of what she'll think, or what she might say. You're both scared that the other doesn't want sex. To me, it's a faily clear problem - self-esteem & self-worth issues. The sex issue for sure is a result of fear of rejection on both sides.

What you need to do is actually make her feel wanted - put your pride on the line. You can't just write an e-mail saying how much you want her, and have her believe you.

A quick fix? Buy her some lingerie, she'll feel wanted, and make sure to make her feel beautiful when she puts it on. If she's serious about the relationship (It sounds like she is) she'll reciprocate your actions. She may not to it right away, and it will take persistence on your part, but eventually, when she DOES feel you want her, she'll open up again.

Best of luck.




Daaaamb! U Da Bomb 2


Good answer.:thumbsup: I was thinkin the same stuff, but I was being stubborn about it. I was going to get her something but I was going to stay as far away from sex as possible.:tisk: But reading what you had to say caused me to decide leave the stubborn alone.:want: <----Fighting the stubbornness

axnguyen
02-10-06, 09:05 PM
Daaaamb! U Da Bomb 2


Good answer.:thumbsup: I was thinkin the same stuff, but I was being stubborn about it. I was going to get her something but I was going to stay as far away from sex as possible.:tisk: But reading what you had to say caused me to decide leave the stubborn alone.:want: <----Fighting the stubbornness

Atta boy! Swallow that pride, and start showing her how sexy you think she is!

Let us know how it works out, but feel free to leave out the juicy details..:p

davc
02-10-06, 11:47 PM
Seek counseling. You both need it. Sharing this on a friggin' automotive internet forum is sad IMO.


i think this is why we're in The Lounge ..... dk hd ...

if you really wanna talk to car wennies, try a bmw site ....

Katshot
02-11-06, 07:43 AM
i think this is why we're in The Lounge ..... dk hd ...

if you really wanna talk to car wennies, try a bmw site ....

That was intelligent.

Jesda
02-11-06, 08:43 AM
...and Katshot ruins the thread.

MrSmith
02-15-06, 03:24 AM
OK. Nothing Juicy to tell, but we talked about some things and It turns out that she was being sarcastic with somethings. She hides her true feelings but after 7 years I can see through them. She took me out to eat but as a supprise I paid. {naturally} . She bought me a DVD portable for Valentines day I got her some nice Earrings. She wanted me to help her pick out shoes and of course without her knowing about it I paid. And a box of Chocolates to eat.

Nothing Mushy but we are fine for now. Ill let you know what happens next week.:suspense:

axnguyen
02-15-06, 10:05 AM
OK. Nothing Juicy to tell, but we talked about some things and It turns out that she was being sarcastic with somethings. She hides her true feelings but after 7 years I can see through them. She took me out to eat but as a supprise I paid. {naturally} . She bought me a DVD portable for Valentines day I got her some nice Earrings. She wanted me to help her pick out shoes and of course without her knowing about it I paid. And a box of Chocolates to eat.

Nothing Mushy but we are fine for now. Ill let you know what happens next week.:suspense:

Good start.:thumbsup:

Time to get mushy man! Paying for things helps, and is definitely thoughtful, but there's less expensive things you can do.

For example, yesterday I sent some flowers and chocolates to my girlfriends work...she was ecstatic, especially since none of the other girls received anything..haha. Then I surprised her with lunch - her favorite Chinese food, and while we were eating she told me I could return her Valentine's Day gift cause I had already made it the greatest Valentine's Day ever.

She returned the favor and then some later on...I'm telling ya, mushy always leads to uhh...more...better stuff...:bouncy:

MrSmith
02-15-06, 10:05 PM
Good start.:thumbsup:

:bouncy:


It good for now. we have our moments. arguments come and go. But I think the long run will be good.


Thanks for the talking people.:thumbsup:

JohnnyO
02-15-06, 10:54 PM
I'd just ask her can it wait until halftime and can you fetch me a beer?
Do that a couple times and she won't be around asking stupid questions any more. :mad2:
Men and women are different. Women think about the relationship all the time, it's what they DO, especially if they're insecure.
Men think about sports, sex, cars, and very little else. It's what we DO.

MrSmith
02-16-06, 04:34 PM
I'd just ask her can it wait until halftime and can you fetch me a beer?



Thats the kinda spit that gives us a bad name.:tisk:

I think of it this way. What ever you aint do'in for her, I will. {think about that}

Not saying I will but some one will.

JohnnyO
02-16-06, 09:03 PM
Lighten up man, I was joking.
Although I'm serious about how men and women are different. That isn't just fodder for comedians. We don't often understand them and they don't often understand us. Just because everything in the relationship looks okay to you, and it might look okay to her, doesn't mean she won't want to talk about it. Whereas with men if the relationship looks okay, then we're thinking about if the car needs an oil change.

MrSmith
02-16-06, 09:32 PM
Lighten up man, I was joking.... http://www.v6performance.net/forums/images/smilies/blah.gif http://www.v6performance.net/forums/images/smilies/blah.gif http://www.v6performance.net/forums/images/smilies/blah.gif ...... doesn't mean she won't want to talk about it. Whereas with men if the relationship looks okay, then we're thinking about if the car needs an oil change.

Yeah, thats true.:bigroll:

Tommy Deville
02-16-06, 09:46 PM
What is this Dr Freakin Phil???

ALthough I have to say reading the orginal post I think the same thing most times

LittleB
02-16-06, 09:52 PM
Hey don't be hatin' on my Dr. Phil :D God my boyfriend can't stand it when I watch that show AHAHHAHAHAA!!

davc
02-17-06, 12:37 AM
keep talking .... ignore the meaningless crap .... a lot of people just like to push buttons ... they can't help it, it gives them a feeling of control ... but only when you let it ..... don't let the silly games screw everything up ....

enjoy and relax .................. in ............. The Lounge