: Divorced Guys



Closet Boy
02-05-06, 09:47 PM
A Cali divorce is pretty damn expensive after 10 years marriage. And these past years have been financially rough. Going from everything, to almost nothing, is quite depressing. However, I continue to keep my head up, and walk tall. From time to time, I think of persons whom have influenced my life thus far...

My father - "The hardest decisions you are going to make in life, are doing the right things..."

DS, BT a long time ago - "M#ther f#cker, start PUSHIN! SUCK IT UP, jackass!" ;-)))

Coach C, HS baseball - "If you strike-out, keep your head up. Don't ever look down."

DaveDeVille
02-05-06, 10:07 PM
Not to offend but, why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it. I'll be hoping it goes well for you during and after. I've been there twice. (Twice divorced and twice bankrupt!) I still think of number two every day but I know I had good reason to leave. It was a very sad thing but after 8 1/2 years, it doesn't bother me so much anymore. I'm happy now, alone, and have a decent job and no debts. Keep focused on the future, buddy. PM me if you want to talk. Dave

ibmer
02-05-06, 10:54 PM
Being the product of a "broken marriage", fortunately I've avoided the whole marriage (& divorce) scene. You have the right attitude though: Just keep your head up and know that you've got "friends" here to listen to you. I realize that most of us may be complete strangers to you, but sometimes that makes it easier to vent and to get an unbiased opinion.

Cheers~
Rick

Florian
02-06-06, 12:25 AM
I too am part of the divorcee club, and damn happy I did it. I was 28 when I got divorced and she took me for EVERYTHING. I did get the house and the dog, but she got 50K (after only 3 years) and all the furniture/artwork/appliances. Needless to say, I was broke. I was making 18K a year and to top things off, I had to refi the house. It took me nearly 10 years to get back on my feet, but in the end....
IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!!!


F

gdwriter
02-06-06, 12:36 AM
Ironically, my ex-wife moved out a year ago today, leaving the master bedroom looking like Cindy Lou's Who's house after the Grinch came calling ("all he left on the walls were some hooks and some wires"). I had thought it was—and had been calling it—a trial separation, but behind my back she had already been to a divorce lawyer, and I was served papers three days later—an extremely crappy way to find out your marriage is truly over.

My divorce cost roughly $10,000. The only good thing about my IRA mutual fund shares being worth less than they were when I bought them in 1998 was I could tap those funds to pay my attorney fees.

My ex-wife came to our 1999 marriage with no assets and essentially left with none. I had owned a home in Arizona for six years prior to the marriage, and my attorney and I successfully argued that the equity I had going into the marriage had to count, even though we had sold that house in 2003 and bought one in Oregon. So I got to keep the house—and pretty much everything in it—and didn't have to pay her a dime.

Also, my ex-wife had been through a bankruptcy prior to our marriage, so all the assets were in my name. Unfortunately, so was all the debt, and she spent money like Congress on crack. I'll admit to about 1/3 of our combined debt, but she spent way more than her job brought in. I once told her that her income couldn't cover her half of the household bills, her car payment, etc., and she got all pissed off because she thought I was implying that she wasn't pulling her own weight. I wasn't implying it, I was saying it.

As a result, I ended up having to file Chapter 13 bankruptcy, getting in under the old law. I have to pay back a portion of the debt for the next three years, but the good news is my ex-wife also has to pay me what's called an equalizing judgement under Oregon law. Once the bankruptcy is discharged in three years, we'll call it even.

Although it was a very painful process, it could have been much worse. I still have my home and my '64 Impala. I had to sell my '99 Accord coupe, but it's now my niece's first car. And I made out decently with my '91 Cadillac, which I like more than I expected to. She took the dog (the cats were mine before the marriage), but my divorce attorney told me about Hoover, the wonderful Yellow Lab I have now. Between the settlement she negotiated and the dog I ended up adopting, my attorney earned her fees.

I still have good days and bad days. Although I don't like being alone so much of the time, I hardly miss my ex-wife. We got married too soon and only learned after it was too late that we had little in common. Neither one of use could be the spouse that the other wanted or needed and eventually, we stopped trying. I wish her well and hope she finds the happiness she didn't find with me. And I'd like to remarry if I found the right woman, though I'm not counting on it. If I do meet somebody I'd want to marry, I'd definitely want to try living together first. No sense making an expensive mistake twice.

My family and friends got me through this past year. Although my parents and my sisters are scattered across the country, we're still close, and we exchanged a lot of phone calls and e-mails. I also have four close friends that I've adopted as brothers. Only one of them lives in Oregon, but like my sisters and parents, all four were unswavering in their love and support.

Sorry if I've rambled on too long; I hope it helps.

I'll end with a little humor. The best line in the Dukes of Hazzard was one of Willie Nelson's many jokes while riding in Boss Hogg's Eldorado:

"What do blondes and tornados have in common? There's a lot of sucking and blowing, then you lose your house."


Good thing my ex was a brunette. :histeric:

Jesda
02-06-06, 01:22 AM
My mom gave me some solid advice. In Missouri there's no common law marriage, so I can have a girl live with me indefinitely and she could never make a claim on my shit.

boricuacaddy
02-06-06, 12:24 PM
I too am divorced, and as many divorces go it wasn't easy mentally and financially, it was a long and dragged out process. I ended up just conceding in the end, just to get it over with. Needless to say she ended up, very well off. I don't dwell on it because I have my great kids and I live my life now to the fullest!.Plus I ended up keeping my Cadillac:thumbsup:

David

lux hauler
02-06-06, 12:41 PM
It's been almost 36 years and no divorce.......but no marriage either. I guess I'd like to someday get married but I WILL only do it once.

Frost
02-06-06, 02:16 PM
20 years married and still going strong, but can certainly sympathize with anyone going through the roto-router job that a divorce entails.

caddydaddy
02-06-06, 03:37 PM
I'm getting married in June! Wish me luck! :)

JimHare
02-06-06, 04:47 PM
Well, let's see - I've been through two.

THe first one was relatively painless, most of the assets acquired during the marriage (9 years) were paid for by her (I was in school, or not earning much) so all I really did was sign the house over to her and call it quits. I got some personal stuff and my stereo, etc etc... no kids or anything to complicate matters.

The second was much tougher. I have an 11 year old son (he was six at the time of the div.) and thinking about how this all has affected him is the killer. We owned two houses, so I gave her the big one we were living in, and took our townhouse. We split everything pretty much down the middle, but she got (or I just let her keep) most of the furniture, the 52" TV that had been my Christmas present the year before, and she has 95% custody of our son. I also pay $135 a week in support.

Regardless of property and monetary splits, the most important thing in a divorce as far as I can see is the mental and physical well-being of any children. I'd much rather pay a million $$ out my butt than see my son hurt for any reason. He's a good kid, and I think he's understanding it all, but it still hurts that I can't be there for him ALL the time.

It's no fun.

illumina
02-07-06, 03:25 AM
Marriage isn't a good thing, and it will never happen for me. It almost happened a while ago, but all Hell broke loose and that was it for me. Some advice from me: never trust anyone at all costs!!!

illumina
02-07-06, 03:30 AM
Geezus!!! I'm tired of this forum skipping around on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the double post.

DBA-One
02-07-06, 08:56 PM
My mom gave me some solid advice. In Missouri there's no common law marriage, so I can have a girl live with me indefinitely and she could never make a claim on my shit.

Sure. I'd worry about your wife wanting half of one of the many cars you own with 3 million miles on it!

SpeedyArizona
02-07-06, 10:41 PM
Never been divorced, but one peice of advice that I have aquired over the years is "Never marry without a pre-nup" (unless I marry some wealthy:D). I wouldn't want someone to take everything I have worked so hard for, it just makes sense to me.