: What should I do about my friend?



I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-22-06, 08:48 PM
I got this friend, I've known him for quite a while, hes a very funny guy and hes always been there for me, but lately hes been getting very annoying and very very clingy. For example, he called me once 9 times in 1 hour. NINE TIMES in an hour!!! I dont call my best friends 9x in a week, much less an hour.
He called his GF 40 times in a night once! He thought she was at a party "cheating on him" (yeah right..) she never picked up, and he kept calling her until she turned her phone off

And lately he's been getting very paranoid about his girlfriend cheating on him with his friends. He also has very high standards for his girlfriend. For example, he called her when she was watching a movie, and he told her to call him back when it was done, and she said she would. So after the movie she went to the bathroom or something and then called him. Well he found out that she didnt call him back 1st thing, so he got really mad and they got in a fight. Then they didnt talk for a week, so they got in a fight about that too.

Lately he's been showing signs of Bipolar Disorder or Schizophrenia. He'll be on top of the world one day, and the next hes depressed, and saying suicidal things. Also, he has these illusions that his friends up at UMD are conspiring against him.

I feel bad for him because he never gets to see his girlfriend because shes away at college at UMD, and his car is a royal piece of shit. He bought a 1991 Eagle Talon TSi AWD, one of his dream cars, about a half year ago, when he was almost 19. He didnt have a car before that. You could say he's a "late bloomer" to the car owner group. He loves his Talon when it runs. It's everything he wanted, but it never ever runs anymore. First he had a oil leak of Exxon Valdez proportions. Basically, every gasket on that car went to the shitter, and when they tried to fix it, it would never seal correctly. Then his ECU went, they got that fixed, now thats broke again, and lastly, the Fuel Pump went, and he tried to get that fixed, and it was the wrong fuel pump or something.

His family life is terrible too, his mom and dad are divorced and both are technically "alcoholics". His Dad is never around, I guess he's with his girlfriend or something all the time. And his mom....well I dont know about him mom very much. His little brother is incredibly annoying, hes got a terrible case of ADHD and tyrets.

He tells me he's very unsatisfied with his job, and believe me, I used to work with him, it sucks! He's a bakery clerk at a grocery store around here. And I guess he brings in pretty good money there, but I guess they're kicking him out of the bakery and hes gonna be a bagger or something, and they're gonna cut his hours in half! This makes no sense at all because he's been in the bakery for like a year and a half and hes very good at his job. He always gets his job done ahead of schedeule and its always very clean.

Because of his car problems, he has no ride to class. He's a pretty smart kid, but he has no way of getting to class daily. I didnt mind giving the kid a ride here or there, but lately it's getting out of hand. And it's not just that, hes very depressing to talk to because all he ever talks about is how his GF is cheating on him, and how many problems his car has. And I cant afford to constantly be going back to home to pick him up and take him to school, plus I have a life of my own. And he even tried to turn my best friends against me, telling me that they werent my "true friends" because they dont IM or call me constantly. Now this is bullshit, and it REALLY pissed me off.

I wanna help him, but I dont want him to rely on me too much or become even more clingy...what should I do?

Jesda
01-22-06, 08:58 PM
Damn! If I was a girl, I'd cheat on him too.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-22-06, 08:58 PM
LOL thats what we say..If it was any other girl, she would have dumped him by now

Stoneage_Caddy
01-22-06, 09:11 PM
what a mess , i can relate to some of that hes going thru ....

he needs help , you need to find him some counciling , hopefully he can get a conceilor that he can trust and open up to , once that happens the problem will start to sort itself out , but if he feels he cannot trust the concilor then it wont do much good ...

thats all i can think of to do with this guy , he may need medicated

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-22-06, 09:27 PM
Yeah we think we should somehow get him a psychologist or something to help him out.

Stoneage_Caddy
01-22-06, 10:16 PM
Thats the hard part ...

At one point i had that issue , it was after 6-8 months of sheer hell , i mean litterally everyone had turned on me. Turned out they had turned on me for a bad rumor , after all the time that way and everyone against me i was VERY paranoid , and had spun out of controll. Even after the rumor was cleared and everything was fine i was still paranoid, and full of rage. After i had knocked my boss out with a hand tool they had to have me stright jacketed and tossed into a police car and transported to a mental health facilty. For months everyone wanted me to go on my own , sevreal tried to trick me (you cant trick someone who is paranoid)...but it took raw phisical force and dragging me litterally kicking and screaming to get me in there.

It took a year or so to put me back together to where i could function , and another year to eliminte most of the temper ....all done without drugs ...

Even when you get him in it wont be an overnight change , its like learning to walk all over again ....

I still have moments , read into stuff too much , but i have surronded myself with people i can trust and bounce things off of (not hand tools but thoughts)

His case however doesnt result from something that happend to him per say but from his childhood....that will be a big problem , and they may never be able to get rid of it , ive seen what some call "scar children" ...Just dont give up on him , dont turn on him , but at the same time draw the line , calling 9 times in one day isnt right ...

noahsdad
01-22-06, 10:27 PM
Chad - move slowly and cautiously. Do what you can to help him, but don't let yourself become part of his problem. The best thing you can do for him is take him for a long ride and talk to him man to man. Tell him you're concerned about him, and don't want to see him struggle. Suggest that he should go talk to someone; a clergyman, or a crisis center where they could suggest a counselor whose fee is based on income. Offer to go with him the first time so he doesn't feel like a nutcase.
Everybody, and I mean everybody, faces struggles in their lives. Character is defined by how we meet those challenges. Remind your buddy that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but it takes standing up and being a real man to admit you need help.
If he blows you off, gets pissed, or otherwise doesn't listen, you'd be wise to gradually put some distance between yourself and him. Harsh as that sounds, you're not abandoning a friend, you're simply protecting yourself. You sound like you have your shit together pretty good for 18 years old. You have a own future of your own to build.
You'll meet many people like this in your life, some will sink and some will swim, but you can't save them all.

Rolex
01-22-06, 10:59 PM
I agree with what's said above. Don't get too caught up in his chaios. I'd recomend you talk to him and gently point out that you believe he has a serious problem. With his lack of funds I recomend you try finding some information [before you confront him] about counselors for him. Start at your county health department for information and to find what is available locally. Care is usually free there, or at least very low cost and its' likely they can put you in touch with some low cost resources that may help him.

His new strange behavior could very well be emerging schizophrenia. I'm no mental health professional but if I recall the disease emerges in males younger than 40. His behavior may also have other organic or metabolic causes that can be adressed medically. You may also consider illegal drug use as a cause. :o

At any rate, I'd let the guy know you care about him and that you're very disturbed by his declining health. Provide him some info/resources to obtain low cost care, and lastly distance yourself from him a bit. Keep in mind the saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." Some people with mental disorders prefer the high and low mood swings and untimately prefer not to treat their disorder. Keeping these people as friends will just drain you mentally, physically, spiritually, and sometimes financially.

Good luck buddy.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-22-06, 11:17 PM
Well thanks again guys, this has really been a help to me!

I had a problem like yours Stoney, all my friends at work conspired against me and made me the laughing stock of the workplace, oh man when I found out...the shit hit the fan in my book...I was mad, but it pretty much blew over about a week after I found out...I'm still holding a grudge against those that did it, not talking to them anymore...

Noah'sdad--I think your idea about telling him face to face in a nice way, and thank you for that excellent compliment "you sound like you have your shit together pretty good for an 18 year old" That made my day :)

I think I'm gonna talk to a counselor or something casually about him..see what they say. Lord knows I have enough to be worried about at this point in my life. I don't even know what I wanna do when I get out of college, I mean I have a general idea, but I'm not positive yet. And I have to get loans for college and keep up on homework and later on I have to find a place to live and stuff. All I can think about right now is women ;) and what car I wanna get next.....

davesdeville
01-23-06, 03:45 AM
Footnote: Tell him to avoid buying DSMs.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 11:08 AM
hahaha yeah we've both learned that lesson!

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 06:36 PM
Well, I can mostly agree with what everyone else says on this, but sometimes, and I stress sometimes, it pays to outright tell him that he needs to see a doctor. The parental situation probably isn't helping, when I have to deal with this kind of thing at school, we usually have at least one co-operative parent.

Isn't there some sort of mentor service at the school? We have one here at my school, and it works with the students, allowing them time to talk to a mentor if they have any trouble.

I think you'd be wise to follow everyone's advice here.

Claire

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 06:50 PM
Yeah thanks again for the advice y'all

I saw him at school today, I kind of tried to avoid him, he asked me if I wanted to hang out and I told him I had to go to class, then he asked me if i wanted to go to lunch (hes really clingy) and I told him I didnt have any money, and then he said something else but I was walking away by then.

I feel really bad about this, but I know it's probably for the best if I dont hang around with him anymore.

Right?

I know that if I keep hanging out with him, he'll probably end up dragging me down too. I remember when I used to hang out with him alot, I would take on a lot of his mannerisms, like for example he reads too far into things, and I used to be terrible at that, but now that I havent seen him much anymore, I dont read in too conversations as much.

The really sad thing about this is it seems as though he may have 2 distinct personalities. The one thats always happy and eager to please his friends and joke around, and the other personality thats depressed, needy and very pessimistic.

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 07:00 PM
It may not necessarily be a Bi-Polar disorder, or split presonality. This is a general sign of depression, it's what makes you depressed. You're happy one day, and the next you're terrible.

He is likely to need medication, and possibly a stay in a mental facility to straighten him out.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 07:14 PM
Yeah, but does the paranoia indicate a certain type of disorder?

Playdrv4me
01-23-06, 07:25 PM
I suffer from issues a little bit. It prevents me from being able to have the relationship I want with the girl I like alot because I always over-analyze everything she does or says. But geeze, this guy is INSANE.

I suffer my problems but I suffer them in silence when I go home at night, I certainly try not to let any of my friends see it or let it affect my work life too much.

They put me on some mood stuff and Ive been on it for about 2 weeks but so far it hasnt done much, guess it takes time.

Your friend needs to seek help before he hurts himself or someone around him. You need to keep a cautious distance from the situation.

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 07:34 PM
Yeah, but does the paranoia indicate a certain type of disorder?

Is often assosiated with depression. Paranoia is a conditition in itself, but there is Paranoia-Depression, this isn't my field, but I have received some training for helping kids.

I recommend looking in to Paranoia-Depression. Remember to maintain a safe working distance, you can still help him, just not get involved.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 07:39 PM
I occasionally will get "the blues" for a couple of days..maybe a week at most, but nothing like my friend's case.

Like Ian, I will just keep it inside of me, and I found out that going for a nice long drive or going for a run always helps me.

So you guys think I should pretty much avoid my friend?

(boy am I glad I'm not dating a girl with problems like these!!)

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 07:41 PM
I occasionally will get "the blues" for a couple of days..maybe a week at most, but nothing like my friend's case.
Like Ian, I will just keep it inside of me, and I found out that going for a nice long drive or going for a run always helps me.
So you guys think I should pretty much avoid my friend?
(boy am I glad I'm not dating a girl with problems like these!!)

If you can help him without getting to involved do it, if you cannot, simply don't. I think if you were seeing a young lady with these problems you would be able to help her better than you can with your friend.

Claire.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 07:54 PM
Thanks Claire!

(where have you and your husband been lately?
We havent seen you around much.)

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:02 PM
Thanks Claire!
(where have you and your husband been lately?
We havent seen you around much.)
Craig is in hospital right now, he's quite poorly. I've been keeping myself busy with the Internet.
He had a bit of flu last week, and it got prgressively worse, he threw a fit on Tuesday morning, on Thursday he stopped going to work (first sick day in 19 years), and on Saturday morning he went into the hospital, he threw another fit on Sunday night, and they're taking him for a CT scan as soon as he is allowed to go.
I have to go and pick his new car up on Friday, he's down that he can't do it himself. Hopefully he'll be out of hospital soon. I can't be there very much, he doesn't like me to be there too long since he says it will make me depressed.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 08:14 PM
Ouch...

Well tell Craig that I and all the other forum members wish him a speedy recovery!

PS. What kind of car is he getting? The Jag?

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:19 PM
Ouch...
Well tell Craig that I and all the other forum members wish him a speedy recovery!
PS. What kind of car is he getting? The Jag?

We're getting a Seafrost Metallic Jaguar XJR.

I posted a full set of computer graphic pictures in the "Future Cars" thread.

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c249/mccombie_5/Car%20Pictures%20-and%20other%20random%20crap%20i%20need%20to%20host/JaguarXJRnew.jpg
With 19" Custom Alloy Winter Wheels

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c249/mccombie_5/Car%20Pictures%20-and%20other%20random%20crap%20i%20need%20to%20host/JagWheels1.jpg
With 20" Sepang Alloy Summer Wheels

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 08:22 PM
Oh yeah I remember seeing that car in there, but I didnt put 2 and 2 together :p

You guys sure go through cars fast!

Did you ever figure out what you're gonna get as a sporty car?

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:23 PM
Oh yeah I remember seeing that car in there, but I didnt put 2 and 2 together :p
You guys sure go through cars fast!
Did you ever figure out what you're gonna get as a sporty car?

Well, I've decided I am going to drive the XJR this year, as my car, Craig has his VW, so he doesn't mind too much.

Next year, I'm pooling my resources and buying a Bentley GT.

I would have liked a Tuscan though.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 08:29 PM
GT...very nice, very nice!

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:34 PM
GT...very nice, very nice!

My husband has his reservations about them though, he says they are the cheap car for those who can't afford a real Bentley. I want either Black, Silver or Red.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 08:35 PM
Black with saddle leather interior! :thumbsup:

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:37 PM
Black with saddle leather interior! :thumbsup:
That's the one I like, although they do a beautiful metallic red.
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c249/mccombie_5/Car%20Pictures%20-and%20other%20random%20crap%20i%20need%20to%20host/Picture241.jpg

Playdrv4me
01-23-06, 08:38 PM
Wish Craig a fast recovery.

Hes sort of half right about the Bentley GT. It may be a "budget Bentley" but its still based on the same platform that underpins his Phaeton, so its certainly not cheap in any other way.

mccombie_5
01-23-06, 08:42 PM
Wish Craig a fast recovery.
Hes sort of half right about the Bentley GT. It may be a "budget Bentley" but its still based on the same platform that underpins his Phaeton, so its certainly not cheap in any other way.

That was what I said, although the Bentley has the W12 he doesn't have.

I love the big Bentleys, but I couldnt use one every day, I could use a GT daily without trouble.

Destroyer
01-23-06, 08:55 PM
Stop hanging with him. Seriously, life is tough enough. Cant spend too much time worrying about other people's problems when we have our own to deal with. :banghead:

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-23-06, 09:45 PM
Yeah, I feel its best if I dont hang out with him anymore, as sad as that is to say.

I'll still talk to him if I see him in the halls or something, but I'll probably take him off my buddy list so he cant IM me and stop calling him, and stop answering his calls to my cell...

But he has a problem of calling my house if he cant get a hold of me on AIM or if he calls my cell more than 2x w/o me picking up..

This feels so wierd, but I know its for the best..

Anyone else had to do something like this before?

Boombotz
01-24-06, 12:25 AM
Craig is in hospital right now, he's quite poorly. I've been keeping myself busy with the Internet.
He had a bit of flu last week, and it got prgressively worse, he threw a fit on Tuesday morning, on Thursday he stopped going to work (first sick day in 19 years), and on Saturday morning he went into the hospital, he threw another fit on Sunday night, and they're taking him for a CT scan as soon as he is allowed to go.
I have to go and pick his new car up on Friday, he's down that he can't do it himself. Hopefully he'll be out of hospital soon. I can't be there very much, he doesn't like me to be there too long since he says it will make me depressed.

Wow, I knew he had the flu but not that it progressed to this. Send him our wishes and tell him to get better soon.

davesdeville
01-24-06, 06:14 AM
THE hospital. Sorry.

mccombie_5
01-24-06, 01:34 PM
Thanks, I'll pass the well wishes on. I haven't been in today.

LilaGirl72Eldo
01-24-06, 09:06 PM
he sounds depressed, and on his way to a big breakdown to a new low. or maybe its not his first, but i think it sounds like syptoms of loosing your self to depression as life leads into the hopeless.

he probably needs to just go to that point of breakdown as hard as he's going and from there, find his ability to repair, recoup, and realize his true nature and energy by his own bootstraps on the other side.

ON the other hand, in the situation that i just described that i witnessed, suicidal thoughts totally came up and nobody should get ditched the day the want to OD or see their own blood.. just think about how feeling crazy is part of life and its his struggle, you dont know if he can really snap out of it in his state.

i don't think you should be mr sympathy and let your patience fizzle at all. maybe write a serious email saying the most important things : lose the girl so you can find some peace of mind, try to pick up a bus schedule and figure out the school route because that's where all buses end up any damn way, and don't call me when you are doing it for selfish reasons and have nothing to say that warrants a call, out of respect for a friend. let him know you want to be in his plans, but choose a party or bar once in a while and really have a kick ass time.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-24-06, 09:44 PM
Well I think if he split up with the Girlfriend, his life would pretty much be over. Shes really all hes got going for him, and its really the only good thing in his life. They have been going out for almost 2 years and they love each other very much. Shes really a very nice girl and will never cheat on him.

Lately, all he talks about when we hang out is his GF or his car or how work sucks. It gets old very fast, and I'm sick of listening to him, but he doesnt have many other friends to talk to, atleast none that I know of.

Oh BTW, 1972 Eldorados are cool caddys :)

LilaGirl72Eldo
01-24-06, 10:11 PM
yeah you sound like you read his act pretty clearly, and if his girl is a keeper than he is just an annoying boyfriend, he needs to cut that jealousy shit out.

im the kind of person who looses contact and kinda disapeers and changes my cell# often, and i don't even have a clue what motivates needyness and clingy behavior in some kids, but then all my friends really hate how i never call back or communicate. so eh.

hey i like 72's the most, so did Raoul Duke and his attourney.. you need to pick up a 72 Lincoln Mark IV and we'll be the two-member crew of the insanely nice looking rides gang that no 71 or 73 can join. or something cocky like that, yeah

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-24-06, 10:12 PM
This is buddy profile on AIM....I didnt change or edit any of this.

"-do you ever wonder why someone does something random, and out of the ordinary, that you, or often others find mean, stupid, or immature....well that person has the guts, the will, and the maturity to stand up for what is his/hers and doesnt care what others think, which in reality puts them above others.
-The moral of the above exerpt is that in this generation, majority wins, with all the stereotypes, and RUMORS/LIES, the individuals who are different becuase they like to be, these people are the ones who live shitty lives...so say and act how and whever you like, and maybe the world will understand that they are ungrateful and spoiled ****s, who need to die, becuase life is a priviledge, and those who make fun, or insult others use their life to put others down, so...for lack of a better phraze..."if you dont like something i do, then go fist yourself in the ass"
if you want to know, or find out about someone ASK, dont assume"



My question:
What do you think of this?

This is away message now:
http://web.olivet.edu/~jsinclai/hitler.jpg
all day today hes been putting creepy pics up on his away message

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-24-06, 10:17 PM
but then all my friends really hate how i never call back or communicate. so eh.

Yeah I have a friend who does the same thing, Shes told me she never calls back, and her friends have told me that too, some people are just like that, no big deal. We have no problem talking face to face or on the phone or online, so I know shes not just doing it to me or anything.

LilaGirl72Eldo
01-24-06, 10:27 PM
i rarely make any effort to plan things or get in touch and email around but i am definately the most likely to show up and rage with everyone all night till they start to drop :) but then i can only say that of my crew for the recent couple years, eveyone i knew from school i lost since i moved to Brazil for a year and never announced it. i do regret that a bunch, but at the time i was just going with the flow.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-24-06, 10:33 PM
Yup, sounds just like my friend...except the Brazil thing

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-24-06, 10:35 PM
hey i like 72's the most, so did Raoul Duke and his attourney.. you need to pick up a 72 Lincoln Mark IV and we'll be the two-member crew of the insanely nice looking rides gang that no 71 or 73 can join. or something cocky like that, yeah

Whos Raoul Duke?
LOL yeah I would love to have a triple white '72 Mark IV....or a triple black '72 IV...well just anything as long as its not green or gold or silver!

LilaGirl72Eldo
01-24-06, 10:56 PM
the hunter s thompson novel fear & loathing on the campaign trail (the movie too) has a White Eldo exactly like mine that is named the white whale. they drive to vegas and run into some bats in the desert, it goes on...

i highly recommend it to anyone, the book, movie, or any HST writing is very badass reading.

i always expected to be in a black skylark, continental or eldo. i realize now this is the girl for me.

Jesda
01-25-06, 07:42 AM
You take the good. You take the bad.

You take them both and there you have the facts of life.

Jesda
01-25-06, 09:17 AM
Oh yeah, go to hell emo kid!

http://q45.spilky.com/gallery/d/741-1/fatkidintherain.jpg

I~LUV~Caddys8792
01-25-06, 12:07 PM
the hunter s thompson novel fear & loathing on the campaign trail (the movie too) has a White Eldo exactly like mine that is named the white whale. they drive to vegas and run into some bats in the desert, it goes on...

Yeah I saw that movie...it made no sense to me at all, I pretty much hated that movie, but yes they did use a 72 Eldorado convertible that was just like yours, but they trashed it once when they got high or something.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-15-06, 09:14 PM
Update!


Since February, I have pretty much cut off all ties with my former friend. I got sick of all the stuff and I wanted out bad.

I wont stand to be in the same room as him, thats how much I hate him.

LittleB
03-15-06, 09:27 PM
Update!


Since February, I have pretty much cut off all ties with my former friend. I got sick of all the stuff and I wanted out bad.

I wont stand to be in the same room as him, thats how much I hate him.

That's good. You should never let someone bring you down...who wants to be around all that negativity? Not cool. I hope you let him down easy. Don't hate him, just feel sorry for him.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-15-06, 09:45 PM
Thanks Meg, its nice to have someone tell me that I was right in doing so, so I dont feel like a douchebag.

I didnt say anything to him when I turned my back on him, I just stopped calling him, quit returning his calls and blocked him on AIM. My best friend, who was friends with him too did pretty much the same thing too, just not to that extent.

It sucks because my best friends are kinda friends with him too. But they pretty much feel the same as I do.

LittleB
03-15-06, 09:53 PM
Some people can handle that type of stuff...I, for one, am with you. I can't stand to be around people like that. As long as your friends don't feel like they have to choose sides it should be all good. Maybe they'll get fed up with him, or maybe they won't. If you ever have to be around eachother just keep it civil (which I am sure you would.) Be friendly to him, but keep a big distance so that you aren't leading him on LOL.

Jonas McFeely
03-16-06, 02:53 PM
Hellyeah dude,you gotta worry about yourself.If that kid is all messed up,you shouldnt let that drag you down.Ive had a similar thing happen,you just ignore them and they usually go away,they find someone else to be crazy around.It sucks for him,but for real,you gotta worry about yourself.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-16-06, 03:50 PM
Yeah he's dragging down another one of our distant friends now. Like this friend hes got a hold of "Ned" we'll call him was a gamer and stuff..just hangs around and plays video games or computer games, now he hangs around with my ex friend "Edward" and drinks and probably does drugs too. It's sad.

As my friends say, "the leech has found a new victim and is sucking him dry!"