I am not sure why I am posting this since 99% of you are guys, but it's pretty funny :p :D

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,
CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Void Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM!

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries
and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued
to the survivors.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

But it's so cold....


Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

She uses most of the paper. :P


Class 3
Is It Possible To Void Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
It's very hard to hit it right away with sonar. You have to wave around untl you hear water on water.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Those hampers are spittin the clothes back out, I swear it.


Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM!
They get to the sink, but not much happens after that...


Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Never! Anyways, I find the nerdy stuff we both like faster than she does. :P


Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
She moves things on me. I can find it where I normally leave it.


Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
This one's true, she has a dozen pink roses at home right now. :P


Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Yahoo maps are all I need.


Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
You haven't seen her driving my Fleetwood. Took over 10 minutes for her to make it out of a parking space with it.


Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Last time it took 12 hours of malls, that just aint right when I can find it for less online from the comfort of my own recliner.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Not to be rude, but I know the smoke alarm is not a timer. Additionally, when there's flames coming up from my saute pan, I'm flambe'ing something, with her, an extinguisher is needed.


(Classes 11 and 13 are no comments for a reason.) :P

It's very hard to hit it right away with sonar. You have to wave around untl you hear water on water.


LOL

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.

Real men drive around for hours until they finally find the right exit or until they run out of gas. Maybe you should add another to your list:

Dating LittleB, the do's and don't
LittleB will be there in a bikini demonstrating the "how to's"

(Sorry couldn't resist)

Classes for Women (Julie and Megan, you have permission to curse my name :lildevil: )

Course 1
"How Not to Lie"
-You'll learn how to actually tell the man in your life when everything ISN'T alright, instead of saying everything is! Learn how what you say and what you mean should be the same thing!

Course 2
"Asking questions you already know the answer to"
-You'll learn you don't need to ask questions like "does this dress make me look fat" because you know already know how he'll answer! Even if you look like a fat cow in that black dress, do you really want the truth, because he'd like to tell you!

Course 3
"Shopping"
-Discover the amazing revalation that men don't like shopping! Fascinating! Learn how men would rather be enjoying a beer or sporting event, for good reasons!

Course 4
"Food preparation"
-In today's modern society, it is perfectly normal for a man and woman to enjoy cooking equally. However, you'll learn there are times when it is proper to bring your man a sandwhich."

Course 5
"Confrontation"
-Be amazed and learn how you can actually end conflict with another woman by talking TO her, instead of verbally ripping her to shreds behind her back for months!"

Course 6
"The Cave"
-The amazing truth that men need time to decompress, think about the day, and deal with problem, without you around! Learn how to make him happy; bring him a sandwhich, and go talk with a friend on the phone for a while."

Course 7
"Mood Swings"
-Discover the secret that when your mood changes, the man in your life actually does not become shit, therefore, it is unnecessary to to treat him like such.

Course 8
"Poker Night"
-Learn how your man needs time with his friends! He'd love to spend every second of his life serving your deepest needs, but he needs advice on how to put the toilet seat down and buy better-quality flowers, so he has to talk to his guy friends about this.

Guys, I know there's a few more courses I'm forgetting about, can anyone else post a few more?

ShadowLvr400.....:nono: excuses excuses.......pffffft!

SpeedyArizona-That's the only way you guys would come huh? ;)

Classes for Women (Julie and Megan, you have permission to curse my name :lildevil: )

Course 1
"How Not to Lie"
-You'll learn how to actually tell the man in your life when everything ISN'T alright, instead of saying everything is! Learn how what you say and what you mean should be the same thing!

Course 2
"Asking questions you already know the answer to"
-You'll learn you don't need to ask questions like "does this dress make me look fat" because you know already know how he'll answer! Even if you look like a fat cow in that black dress, do you really want the truth, because he'd like to tell you!

Course 3
"Shopping"
-Discover the amazing revalation that men don't like shopping! Fascinating! Learn how men would rather be enjoying a beer or sporting event, for good reasons!

Course 4
"Food preparation"
-In today's modern society, it is perfectly normal for a man and woman to enjoy cooking equally. However, you'll learn there are times when it is proper to bring your man a sandwhich."

Course 5
"Confrontation"
-Be amazed and learn how you can actually end conflict with another woman by talking TO her, instead of verbally ripping her to shreds behind her back for months!"

Course 6
"The Cave"
-The amazing truth that men need time to decompress, think about the day, and deal with problem, without you around! Learn how to make him happy; bring him a sandwhich, and go talk with a friend on the phone for a while."

Course 7
"Mood Swings"
-Discover the secret that when your mood changes, the man in your life actually does not become shit, therefore, it is unnecessary to to treat him like such.

Course 8
"Poker Night"
-Learn how your man needs time with his friends! He'd love to spend every second of his life serving your deepest needs, but he needs advice on how to put the toilet seat down and buy better-quality flowers, so he has to talk to his guy friends about this.

Guys, I know there's a few more courses I'm forgetting about, can anyone else post a few more?

Hey not all women are like this.....honestly ask my man! lol

Classes for Women (Julie and Megan, you have permission to curse my name )
Course 1
"How Not to Lie"
-You'll learn how to actually tell the man in your life when everything ISN'T alright, instead of saying everything is! Learn how what you say and what you mean should be the same thing!
Course 2
"Asking questions you already know the answer to"
-You'll learn you don't need to ask questions like "does this dress make me look fat" because you know already know how he'll answer! Even if you look like a fat cow in that black dress, do you really want the truth, because he'd like to tell you!
Course 3
"Shopping"
-Discover the amazing revalation that men don't like shopping! Fascinating! Learn how men would rather be enjoying a beer or sporting event, for good reasons!
Course 4
"Food preparation"
-In today's modern society, it is perfectly normal for a man and woman to enjoy cooking equally. However, you'll learn there are times when it is proper to bring your man a sandwhich."
Course 5
"Confrontation"
-Be amazed and learn how you can actually end conflict with another woman by talking TO her, instead of verbally ripping her to shreds behind her back for months!"
Course 6
"The Cave"
-The amazing truth that men need time to decompress, think about the day, and deal with problem, without you around! Learn how to make him happy; bring him a sandwhich, and go talk with a friend on the phone for a while."
Course 7
"Mood Swings"
-Discover the secret that when your mood changes, the man in your life actually does not become shit, therefore, it is unnecessary to to treat him like such.
Course 8
"Poker Night"
-Learn how your man needs time with his friends! He'd love to spend every second of his life serving your deepest needs, but he needs advice on how to put the toilet seat down and buy better-quality flowers, so he has to talk to his guy friends about this.
Guys, I know there's a few more courses I'm forgetting about, can anyone else post a few more?



Course 9
"Shaving the Beaver":lildevil:
I think you all see where this one is going!!


Just joking ladies! :getaway:

You weren't joking :sneaky:

The Cave is one of the best. before my kids were born I had my own little room. Chris Rock was correct when he talked about women being on you as soon as you walk in the door. All men know women ask how your days was not because they care but it is to open the door to diarrhea of the mouth for themselves!

Classes for Women (Julie and Megan, you have permission to curse my name :lildevil: )


Course 1
"How Not to Lie"
-You'll learn how to actually tell the man in your life when everything ISN'T alright, instead of saying everything is! Learn how what you say and what you mean should be the same thing!

We don't lie, you guys just don't listen when we take the time to tell.

Course 2
"Asking questions you already know the answer to"
-You'll learn you don't need to ask questions like "does this dress make me look fat" because you know already know how he'll answer! Even if you look like a fat cow in that black dress, do you really want the truth, because he'd like to tell you!

I am guilty on this one!!!
Course 3

"Shopping"
-Discover the amazing revalation that men don't like shopping! Fascinating! Learn how men would rather be enjoying a beer or sporting event, for good reasons!


I like to go shopping with the girls. If Tom wants to come he is welcome.


Course 4
"Food preparation"
-In today's modern society, it is perfectly normal for a man and woman to enjoy cooking equally. However, you'll learn there are times when it is proper to bring your man a sandwhich."


I cook every night and do all the preparring but I am also a stay at home wife.
Course 5

"Confrontation"
-Be amazed and learn how you can actually end conflict with another woman by talking TO her, instead of verbally ripping her to shreds behind her back for months!"

I'm a fighter don't talk behind anyones back. If I have something to say I say it, but I agree girls like to talk behind eachothers back.
Course 6

"The Cave"
-The amazing truth that men need time to decompress, think about the day, and deal with problem, without you around! Learn how to make him happy; bring him a sandwhich, and go talk with a friend on the phone for a while."

99% of the time Tom comes in I cook him dinner, he sits at the computer and does his own thing. Every once in a while I have something to tell him about that has been stirring in my mind, but otherwise I just let him be.
Course 7

"Mood Swings"
-Discover the secret that when your mood changes, the man in your life actually does not become shit, therefore, it is unnecessary to to treat him like such.

Never!
Course 8
"Poker Night"
-Learn how your man needs time with his friends! He'd love to spend every second of his life serving your deepest needs, but he needs advice on how to put the toilet seat down and buy better-quality flowers, so he has to talk to his guy friends about this.

He can go out and have a guys night but not usually to play poker. I also play poker and enjoy doing so.

Guys, I know there's a few more courses I'm forgetting about, can anyone else post a few more?

I'm sure we can come up with a lot more too.

The Cave is one of the best. before my kids were born I had my own little room. Chris Rock was correct when he talked about women being on you as soon as you walk in the door. All men know women ask how your days was not because they care but it is to open the door to diarrhea of the mouth for themselves!

Yeah that sucks for you guys...I wish the majority of women weren't like that...but they are. I take pride in knowing that I am not the stereotypical woman, and I alwys make sure my man is happy :D It's not just about me...

You weren't joking

I was joking! Jus trying to get a rise out of some people LOL

I was joking! Jus trying to get a rise out of some people LOL

mmmmmhmmm :p

Yeah that sucks for you guys...I wish the majority of women weren't like that...but they are. I take pride in knowing that I am not the stereotypical woman, and I alwys make sure my man is happy :D It's not just about me...

Don't get me worng. My wife is a good woman. She did what I spoke of before I married her so I knew what I was getting. Hell, I'm more than sure (I know for sure) I do things that get on her nerves. Like buying cars without talking to her, etc. She brings home shoes, I bring home cars!

mmmmmhmmm

:lildevil: :shhh:

Lesson 10:

Don't disturb us while we're watching football. Men work hard to support the women's weekly shopping trip, we deserve.....wait.......DEMAND a few hours to relax.

Don't get me worng. My wife is a good woman. She did what I spoke of before I married her so I knew what I was getting. Hell, I'm more than sure (I know for sure) I do things that get on her nerves. Like buying cars without talking to her, etc. She brings home shoes, I bring home cars!

I know isn't that funny! My boyfriend buys BIG EXPENSIVE toys, and I bring home a $200 purse and he makes a litle comment about it LOL...whatever. I support him in whatever he buys, he is a hard worker, and he deserves it. The double standard things are just a little funny somtimes.


Lesson 10:
Don't disturb us while we're watching football. Men work hard to support the women's weekly shopping trip, we deserve.....wait.......DEMAND a few hours to relax.

We watch football together :D it's fun!

You give your woman free shopping trips????? Wow.... I am missing out!!!

#7 in the original list is a good one, too. I'm always asked "where is my purse?" Like I'd know. Where are my keys? Where you left them, ding dong and nevermind we have a key rack just for that sort of thing. Oh, and that Coach purse you had to have but can't find, it's over there sitting on the floor exactly where it shouldn't be! Geez. I'd rather hear let's cuddle than questions like that. Drives me nuts.

I know isn't that funny! My boyfriend buys BIG EXPENSIVE toys, and I bring home a $200 purse and he makes a litle comment about it LOL...whatever. I support him in whatever he buys, he is a hard worker, and he deserves it. The double standard things are just a little funny somtimes.


That they are. My wife like to sneak her shopping in to the house most of the time. Like I can't go to BofA's web site and see what was spent. Oh well though. We all need things. I make comments as well but usually (read usually) just as a joke.

Now that's interesting...SHE is the one asking you where stuff is LOL!! Most of the time I know where everthing is, and he is always asking me where things are without looking, but even if I do lose something, I don't ask him where it is cuz he wouldn't be any help LOL...

That's sweet, it's nice to hear a guy say he'd like to hear "let's cuddle"!!!

Actually, I'd rather not hear questions or let's cuddle but I pick my battles. You know? To me everything has it's place and I put my stuff where it goes.

Id be on the phone with my ex-girlfriend awhile back and she would be asking me where her stuff was at and we were 10 miles apart!! She was NUTS :cookoo: though!

Id be on the phone with my ex-girlfriend awhile back and she would be asking me where her stuff was at and we were 10 miles apart!! She was NUTS :cookoo: though!

lol, think that's bad. i went out with my ex for just over a month, and if the circumstances we met under were different i probably wouldn't even know her real name :annoyed: . well, you get the picture :banghead:

You give your woman free shopping trips????? Wow.... I am missing out!!!

Well, not everday of course! But occasionally on her birthday or our "anniversary", I'll take her to the Scottsdale Fashion Mall and let her run wild. Maybe someone will explain to me why a woman needs two of the same exact purses' each in a different color? I really don't like to shop for clothes, so whenever I go clothes shopping, she's always along to tell me what "works" and what doesn't. Who knew that orange and purple never went together...

lol, think that's bad. i went out with my ex for just over a month, and if the circumstances we met under were different i probably wouldn't even know her real name . well, you get the picture


WOW sounds like she was a few french fries short of a happy meal!! LOL

WOW sounds like she was a few french fries short of a happy meal!! LOL

well, i say she has a wild imagination. but she was an extremely fun girl and she is the MOST beautiful woman i've ever seen, ever, ever, ever. and probably will ever see, so i'm trying to fix it. but i think it's beyond me at this point :crying:

well, i say she has a wild imagination. but she was an extremely fun girl and she is the MOST beautiful woman i've ever seen, ever, ever, ever. and probably will ever see, so i'm trying to fix it. but i think it's beyond me at this point

I wish the best of luck Pimpin Whity!

I wish the best of luck Pimpin Whity!

thanks, i'll need it. LOL:bighead:

and lesson number 11:
How not to make up stuff because you think it's funny at the moment (ie. LIE).
It really isn't all that funny and it's easy to get carried away!!!

Course 10: How to identify nagging and when to stop.
This course focuses on the identification of constant harassment(nagging) and the ways to stop it.

Course 11: Car Maintenance and its' benefits.
This course focuses on the rewarding aspects of doing your own cleaning,washing, and simple maintenance check of your own vehicle and not leaving it to the male in your life.

Course 12: Learning how to NOT purchase everything that's on sale and see if they are actually needed.
This course focuses on self-identification of necessary items for peronal/household use and not buying items just becaue they are on sale. Examples include: A christmas yard ornament is on-sale for a 75% reduction but you already have 5 of these do you really need 1 more?

Here you go again Little B - :stirpot:

Let me toss in one more class for guys:

Lesson 21: Female Math

A three hour seminar designed to help men understand how the base elements of mathematics change when women shop. For example, if an item (read "cute shoes") retails for $100 and is marked 50% off, the woman is obligated to buy 4 of said item in order to SAVE $200. The more she buys, the more she saves, and if there are lots of colors, she could save a fortune. Class includes discount/savings slide rule for instant reference.

Here you go again Little B - :stirpot:

Let me toss in one more class for guys:

Lesson 21: Female Math

A three hour seminar designed to help men understand how the base elements of mathematics change when women shop. For example, if an item (read "cute shoes") retails for $100 and is marked 50% off, the woman is obligated to buy 4 of said item in order to SAVE $200. The more she buys, the more she saves, and if there are lots of colors, she could save a fortune. Class includes discount/savings slide rule for instant reference.One of the most dreaded lines for a man to hear is when his mother-in-law comes back from a shopping trip with his wife and gleefully states; "Oh, guess how much money your wife saved you today!" :eek:

Of course, I only want to know how much money she had to spend in order to save.... :suspense: