: Check this out



MrSmith
10-27-05, 11:13 PM
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . . "

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell'M ississippi'."
I'VE GOT $5.00! THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN

mccombie_5
10-27-05, 11:17 PM
LMAO

:histeric:

ben72227
10-27-05, 11:39 PM
I have a funny language joke too...

Two Al-Qauda's get off of the plane in Houston. They're estatic because they've made it into the country. They're walking through the airport and one starts talking in English. The other one smacks him across the face and says, "Hey, we're in America now. That means you speak SPANISH!":devil:

LittleB
10-28-05, 12:31 AM
LOL!!!!!!!! Both are hilarious!!!!

fast66
10-28-05, 01:28 AM
lol

Krashed989
10-28-05, 03:42 AM
Hahaha :histeric:






I'VE GOT $5.00! THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN


Where's my $5.00? :D ......... J/K :histeric:

Ralph
10-28-05, 04:00 AM
Hahaha :histeric:
Where's my $5.00? :D ......... J/K :histeric:

I want my 5 bucks too. It's going to add up.;)

CTS-VETTE 550HP
10-28-05, 01:41 PM
hilarious!!!
never a dull moment around here..

DeVillish
10-28-05, 01:44 PM
HAHAHAHHAH! :histeric: ah good stuff....

LittleB
10-28-05, 02:18 PM
I read it again LOL, so I owe you.

slk230mb
10-28-05, 02:46 PM
:thumbsup:

Kdirk
10-28-05, 03:16 PM
Ok, maybe we need a sticky joke of the day thread here or something. Here's my first contribution to the cause:

A newly married couple checks into the finest suite at a posh hotel for their honeymoon. Right about the time they are going to consumate the marraige, the groom takes his tuxedo trousers and throws them at his wife and says "here, put these on".

She's a bit puzzled by the request, but complies wishing to please her husband. After putting them on, she says "Well, I can't wear these, they're way too big on me." He repsonds: "Yeah, that's right, I wear the pants around here, and don't you forget it!"

Naturally, she's a bit miffed by his chauvenistic remark, and so she throws him her panties and says "Ok, you put these on." He tries, but since she is very petite, he can't get them up past his knees. He then says to her "Hell, I can't get into your panties" to which she replies "That's right, and until that attitude changes, you never will!"

And I won't even ask for $5.00, you get this one for free <chuckle>.

KDirk

DeVillish
10-28-05, 03:22 PM
AAHHAHAHAHA thats a good one!

ben72227
10-28-05, 05:59 PM
Here's another one:

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out." "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, not really I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and have a movement every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."

MrSmith
10-28-05, 06:27 PM
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 92 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words what happened
the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing, on my
front porch on a warm spring evening, when a
young man comes creeping up on the porch and
sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since
my Abner died

some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" so
I just laid down and told him "Take me, young
man. Take me!"

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fools!"
And that's when I shot him, the little !
__________________

ben72227
10-28-05, 09:45 PM
Here's some cool videos too:

http://media5.big-boys.com/content/blowuptank.wmv

http://media5.big-boys.com/content/microwave.wmv

http://64.237.40.51/media/mpg4/d/dunkcontest2003md.mp4?media=126ab98df75b7e66f8559c 8482500207

addison_ii
10-29-05, 04:28 AM
Here is the story of Mujibar Abmouhd, a young man who wanted to be a U.S. citizen.

Mujibar was taking his citizenship test at the INS Testing Center, after passing the citizenship test, the INS official comes and says to him. Mujibar well you have passed all your test but alas, there is one more test. Mujibar gets worried and says: what is it? The INS official says nothing much, just make a sentence using these words green, green, pink and yellow. then you will have finished and passed all tests and you will be a U.S. Citizen. Can you do this?? Mujibar is puzzled for a moment, then happily replies: I'm ready. He begins : The phone goes : green, green. Then I pink it up and say yellow.

Well, now Mujibar is a U.S. citizen and works at a Verizon Wireless near you.:histeric:

addison_ii
10-29-05, 04:40 AM
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