People seem to enjoy when i tell my storys ...Ive been to alot of places , done alot of things....

So for the next few weeks, days, whatever ill tell some every night .....

Tonights :

Few years ago when i lived in alaska i worked on a target range. This wasnt any ol target range but one where the F-16, O/A-10 , F-15 and other aircraft in the airforce come out to shoot bomb and generally misbehave.

Well one day i had to go out and try to get the ice out of a cable type crane we had where water had pooled up in the engine area and froze. So i grabbed a couple of these huge Jet Fuel powered heaters and drug them out to the crane to began to get everything setup inside the crane. Supposedly the side of the range i was on was "cold". Cold means nothing is allowed to shoot or bomb in that area. So there i am working away and i hear this dull "thud" and right after a larger BOOM. Of coarse i promptly shat myself and got the hell away from the crane running towards the pickup. By that time i realized i was being bombed bagdad style. Praying like a monk in a electric chair i fired that damned old truck up and hualed ass back to base. In the process of breaking 4th gear i hear another dull thud and boom. Well the old peice of shit was only good for 80 mph so i kept it pinned and got back to the safe area. I get out of the truck and go inside to locate a new pair of shorts when my boss greets me. Colorful language aside he basicly thought i was hualing ass just to do it. I directed him to the CC TV of the area i was working. He turned white as a ghost and made a couple calls. Our freind (the pilot) was bombing from 35,000 feet IN THE WRONG AREA.

That night at dinner we all had a good laugh at the tape of me jumping higher than any man has ever jumped.

haha, i love it. see, next time i git pulled over for speeding, ill tell him im practicing, because someday... im gonna need to haul ass, and i wont have room to screw it up.

I liked your story it was very funny especially the part about changing your shorts. I think that I will like story time with Stoney.:thumbsup:

Theres one story thats funny as hell and scary in a way ....but its classified ... one of the only things i ever done thats classified ....

I don't want to know about stories I can't hear. Don't lead us on. I will patiently await my next story tomm.:yup:

thatll be tomorrow ....

well there was that one time i was drug under a sewage truck when the jack failed ...NAHHHHH

LOL, that was cool.

Was it a Ford? Ford trucks are cool... I woulda Baja'ed all over the place in the pick me up truck.

Ah well, pay no attention to me, if you want to know why I make no sense, listen to the song "All Jacked Up" by Gretchen Wilson :)

BTW, I dunno if I can make the 29th thing... I gotta go to Texas for a wedding, I think it is at that time.. that sucks...

I gotta recheck the dates

ah well...

Heres a good one .....

January 1rst 2002 (acutally december 31rst 2001). I threw a small party at my apartment in alaska. I invited everyone i knew as long as they brought beer (i was underage so i couldnt buy). So me and my buddies are all sitting around telling storys about life in the lower 48 and screaming (and talking) out the window at people walking by. Bout 2 o clock in the morning i wake up to a odd smell and the fire alarm going off (i passed out from drinking). Also at the time the drywall begins to fall off the walls inside my aparment by the door. So i get dressed and make my way to my door. Whats the first thing they tell you when your in a house fire? Feel the door right ? Not my ass , i grabbed hold of the sonofabitch and burned myself like a cup of starbucks. This was also the time i realized my apartment was on fire . Finnaly get out the door (only way out) and with a little help from my blanket i get thru these huge ass flames. At this point im shitting bricks that my place is on fire. So i get outside and find my best friend, he was sitting there when i got to him. Apprently he thought i was still inside and was burning to death. Nevertheless to say he was happy to see me. Thats when i found out why the drywall was coming off , he was trying to bust in to get me out when someone carried him off. What he failed to realize is he needed to be dressed to be outside. You see by dressed i mean , coat, boots all that shit. Because its -55 outside , and its alaska. This kids out there barefoot and shit. Kids freezeing to death out there. Meanwhile the fire dept arrived and put out the fire.

At this point i hand him the keys to my car so he can go get warm. Also i get a tap on the shoulder from the base cop , he says "you mike?". I said "yup" and was promptly arrested. I was detained overnight and i get handed the report the fire inspector made as im relesed. The night of the fire i had a bag of trash in the room , i was doing my usualy cleaning and found a pair of my underware had a hole so i threw them away. I guess before i passed out i set my trash outside my room as usual. According to the Firecheif that pair of underware caused the fire.

Which was also what was put in the news paper as the culprit ....

These stories get better everynight. Keep them coming.:p

yeah, these stories are good. but how does underwear start a fire? was it the only flammable thing in the bag?

According to the chief it caught fire somehow on its own as it reacted with the beer coming out of the beer bottles . I find spontainous Human Combustion to be a more probable event than his description of the fire ....

I late found out that someone acutally lit my trash on fire

Good stories Stoney. Storytime with Stoney: an instant classic:thumbsup: Keep'em coming.

You should write a book for everyone here to purchase and read to their kids at night.

the kids would have nightmares .....

the kids would have nightmares .....

yeah, but theyd be stoney nightmares.... those are way cooler

*subscribes*

LOL :histeric:

stoney-stories rock

more!

oooooooo a theme is being born: Stoney's Underpants

......I await todays installment!

Hey where is our story today????

sorry guys have to miss today , dont have time to do it , just catching up , then turning over my room to the grandparents , there car broke down in downtown tampa , so its fun with focus for me tonight

sorry guys have to miss today , dont have time to do it , just catching up , then turning over my room to the grandparents , there car broke down in downtown tampa , so its fun with focus for me tonightThis absence is excused for personal reason but next time mister you need to give at least 6 hours notice to let's us know there will be no storytime tonight.:D j/k Hope all goes well.

Alaska storys continued ....

Back when i lived in good ol fairbanks i had a few extra bucks. Alway looking for a new project i bought a dirtbike from a guy i knew. This thing was about a 1980 rm125(suzuki). Brought it back to my apartment and figured out what all was wrong with it (mostly a faulty clutch and a bad carb). Fixed the carb and clutch and taught myself how to ride it. After a few days of parkinglot DIY motorcycle instruction i decided it was time to go trail rideing. I filled the tank with 2 stroke and set off. I found where someone built some ramps and stuff to ride on and played there for about 1/2 an hour. No ricky Carmichel type tricks or anything but it did get old after awhile. So off i went to the trails on the backside of the base. Rideing along i found a kickass mudhole , if you knew me youd know i cant resist a good mudhole and some serious "getting dirty". I go into this mudhole full tilt booogy top side of 5th gear. Somehow i forgot 2 rules , never lift and always use a lower gear. Never the less i found myself engine dead in the middle of the mudhole. So i was looking around me and i found this Baby moose off to my left. I thought "this cant be good". Sure enough on the other side of me was "mommy moose", Mommy weighs probably more than your average catera and has a temper you would expect from something this ugly. Nautrally it was time to get the engine going. I kicked it over but nothing happend but draw attention about me being between mommy moose and moose JR. Mommy wasnt happy and began to charge. Most people would run like hell. But gearheads like me never leave a good machine behind. The moose chansed a dirt bike pushing stoney for about 150 yards before decideing i wasnt a threat and went back to her baby. Didnt stop me from running damn near a half mile before i decided the moose wasnt chaseing me anymore. Luckily i had a cell phone and arranged someone with a pickup to come get me and one dead dirtbike.

The dirtbike never ran again tho..... i sold it before i moved to tampa , lord knows what happend to that thing ....

I would have liked to have seen this in person.

haha, me too. mooses are scary.

Stoney Vs. Mama Moose. :histeric: You should really start a book of small story collections. These are great.

Ah well, pay no attention to me, if you want to know why I make no sense, listen to the song "All Jacked Up" by Gretchen Wilson :)

Goddamnitt...less than a minute ago I was thinking about how much I've grown to hate that song. It's on once an hour, every hour on the local country station. I liked it for about two days, saw the video, thought it was a great video, but its too damned much!! I can't stand it anymore...

I would have liked to have seen this in person.

:yeah:

What now seems like a long time ago i for some reason joined the airforce....

Had a good freind of mine up the street from my house , who among other things trained for UFC (like everyone claims to do nowadays). So for the 6 months prior to Basic Training he ran me as hard as he could to get me ready. Night before im suposed to head down for processing and ship out for boot camp he calls. "Hey get your ass outside and get into the car". Next thing i know we're hauling ass towards a well known bay area strip club and half a bottle of peppermint schanpps is doing its worst on me. At that time i had never even dated , with all the time i spent working or moving i never got the chance. So as you might imagine a young stoney was getting one hell of a show from the girls. My freind must have dropped 500 bucks on these girls. But i digress LOL.....

The problem with this late night out is i had to be ready for all the testing the next morning and be flown to texas and immedately into bootcamp. Basicly i had to be ready to be awake for the next 72 hours. Well i got home at 3 am , left home at 5am for my 3 days of "pre hell". By the time i got to the Military Processing place i was feeling pretty damned bad and still thinking of the girls. Guy across the table with the papers says "you been drinking?". I looked up chuckled and said no , then burped by accident. Next thing he says is "went a little heavy on the mouthwash didnt you son?" Then the rest of the hangover finnaly decided to show up. From what i understood they found me in the bathroom out cold. They had to call my recuiter in and scrape me off the ground and bring me home to momma.

Next day i showed up there ready to go clean sober and not hungover. According to the same guy that asked about the mouthwash i was the first one in years that was too hungover for bootcamp. He shook my hand and said "good luck"......

Moms never let me live that one down .....

Did they make your life that much worse because of the situation. I'm sur ebootcamp sucked, but I would hate to be the one coming in a day late.

Mom thinks so ...there were alot of "odd" problems that happend to me while i was in as far as the admin side of the airforce is concerned..i always felt i was beatter off not being there the first day ...I acutally made it thru boot camp only getting yelled at i think 4 times , 3 for not shaveing a spot wher ei had a moleand once for haveing a car magazine in my locker (totoally by accident but i couldnt explain it away).....

Stoney and the NightOut before BootCamp. Another classic. You have been through alot of funny situations. Makes me wish I would have went on and joined the Navy after high school. It looks like I would have had alot of stories to tell. Keep em comin Stoney.

Why does this remind me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer sold all of his stories to Peterman? You related to Kramer Stoney?

Keep the stories rolling! They're damned good!

Why does this remind me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer sold all of his stories to Peterman? You related to Kramer Stoney?

Keep the stories rolling! They're damned good!

I can see it now, the Stoney Reality Tour.

I can see it now, the Stoney Reality Tour.


GEORGE: Reality tour?

JERRY: The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality...Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld.

Just kiddin' Stoney! We lovem'!

Since were on the subject of drinking....

You see for somereason Intoxication at the wrong time seemed to be quite a pattern for me in the Airforce. I never knew why to be honest but it just seemed to happen that way. Back in 02 I finnaly got a chance to go to Afganistan , may sound crazy but i was chomping at the bit to get into the theater. Im a sucker for life experencens and knew this one would be hard to beat. So the call came for a firetruck/heavy wheel mechanic needed over there and i voulnteered stright away , and even to go earlyier than schedualed. Orders came down , and most of that is classifed on where i really ended up. Plane tickets said fairbanks to altanta , atlanta to ireland. Here is where the drinking problem came. Shannon ireland Intl is a pretty nice facility. Esp when you find where they have the guniess and kilians on tap. After 20 hours in the air ol stoney needed a drink. Well by the time i got to the bar , i needed 2. I grabbed TWO Guniesses (complete with the clover leaf in the foam). I slammed those and went back to complete my tour of ireland with 2 Killians. 4 Huge mugs of irish beer on a empty stomach is a quick way to end up passed out somewhere. I woke up at the gate , dureing final boarding. One thing some of you know about me is im very afird of flight and of coarse get airsick easily.

As the plane throttles up for takeoff i had to pee something feirce. I unstrapped by belt as the plane began its run . Stewardesses immedatly started yell towards me to get back in my seat. They had been pretty mean to all of us so to the cheers of the entire cabin is said "to hell with you , move or i piss on you". Nevertheless i made it to the bathroom and did my thing.

10 Hours later im really sick , some sort of advanced hangover im thinking. Mixed with the humid air of a island in the persian gulf where we stopped im about to hurl the rest of my internal organs into a trashcan. The plane and one very sick stoney had to await nightfall for the finial stop on the long journey.

By the time it gets dark and we land in the AOR , im pretty much dead. I woke up in a tent at 4 am dureing some sort of breifing we are supposed to get when we land. I missed most of that becuase i later woke up in a pickup with one of my buds telling the medic what i did in ireland. The medic replaied saying "i wondered which one of you would be the village drunk".I picked my head up and said "im the village idiot , the village drunk is my boss on the next plane".I eventually was placed in a nice tent where i slept it off.....

First time in my life when someone told me "this is an alcohol free installation" and it sounded wonderful. I was so damned sick i didnt even want to touch anything alcoholic for 6 months ...

Stoney and Hangover Vs. the Plane. :histeric: LMAO I had an experience like that with 24 double shots. Good stuff Stoney

Hey...I sure hope they weren't serving you "Killians Irish Red", the one with the horse on the bottle, the one that's owned and brewed by Coors Brewing Company...not that its a bad beer, cause I absolutely love it, but it's not really an Irish beer...Irish style, maybe, but not Irish. :) Just thought I'd throw that out there. Ahhh, I do have memories of myself drinking a whole lot of Killians while lieing on the beach at the river I used to live on in Sacramento, rather than going to class and learning whatever it was I was supposed to be listening to on that particular day. I sure do like Killians...

next time i go to florida, me and stoney are getting wasted.

Hey...I sure hope they weren't serving you "Killians Irish Red", the one with the horse on the bottle, the one that's owned and brewed by Coors Brewing Company...not that its a bad beer, cause I absolutely love it, but it's not really an Irish beer...Irish style, maybe, but not Irish. :) Just thought I'd throw that out there. Ahhh, I do have memories of myself drinking a whole lot of Killians while lieing on the beach at the river I used to live on in Sacramento, rather than going to class and learning whatever it was I was supposed to be listening to on that particular day. I sure do like Killians...
wish i could remeber it dude .....all i know is i asked for 2 guinesses and my next time i asked fo rthe best irish style beer they had , coarse they said "you had 2 of those" , so i ordered there second best , thought it was killains but maybe it wasnt .....

Killians is a GREAT Irish STYLE beer...just not real Irish beer...so you could very well be right! And, to top it off, its dirt cheap! I used to get six packs of it for $4.44 from the corner market when I was 17-18 years old, a freshman in college...then I'd go to the river, as I mentioned in the previous post...a very good beer. :)

Non alcoholic story ....

Back when i was in 11th grade i began takeing Diesel/Automotive engine classes at the vo tech side of the high school. After 2 years of small gas it was a neat step forward. About halfway thru the first month of class our teacher dropped dead at his home . Leaving us without a teacher. A shop full of welding and just about every automotive tool known to man isnt a good place to hold unsupervised young gearheads. Esp when the shop also had 2 Donated Chrysler Turbo cars ( a Shadow and Lancer). Of coarse the first day we quicky ran the sub off and got to work on the chryslers . First came the door ding competition. We parked the cars as close together as possible , then got in and opend the doors just far enough to stay off the catches. Then we kicked the doors open as hard as we could into the other car.

Well by this time the prinicpal caught us after the sub we ran off ratted us out. He told us to basicly never do that to those cars again. We took it as "fix it so they cant do that again." Soon after he left .....we welded the doors shut with the keys inside . More improtantly engines running with bricks on the acclerator pedals. There was no turning back.On a side note the engines ran longer than i thought they would with no oil or coolant.

With the chryslers smoking hulks of motlen alumium we went home.

Couple days later (we took 2 days off from class to go get breakfast at dennys). We came back. We had a new sub. Now she was diffrent than all the other subs . She was pretty ......Which kept us at bay for a good 2 weeks. But then the itch came again to destory. Well it happend when she told us to clean the classroom. Being the mechaics that we were we deicded that wasnt out job. But we went ahead and moved all the desks out of the classroom and shut the door while she read her book. She then barked something to the effect of "your mechanics why cant you fix the sqeeking door!!"That pissed us off , pretty or not we were done with her. We went and got the JB weld and opend the door. I remeber her asking "whats that?" we said , "it keeps the door from squeaking". We then ran a 1/4 inch bead of JB weld all the way around the door frame and closed the door. We also tackwelded to door shut fromt he outside. Being the only exit we had effectively sealed her in the room. But solved the squeek.

Now free to do what we wanted to we proceeded to weld each of the 36 desks into a nice HUGE ball it the middle of the shop. It took us 2 hours to comaplete our work of art.

And apprently it took the janitors 4 hours to get her out when they found out what we had done after school.

How long was the suspension.:bouncy: :histeric:

they never got me for it ....i got transfered to a community college autoshop for the rest of the year ....sorry i had forgotten the best part

wait .....we did have to seperate each of the 36 desks from the ball as the "punishment for everyone"

Glad I wasn't that teacher.

it was the first time in school board history that a class (diesel engines) was removed from teh school because no teacher would even go near the room ..

Couldnt blame them ...the ammounts of smoke coming from the shop when we were at our worst drew the fire dept ....

I heard comments about us that people would make , one made one of th ebest jokes i heard there...when the smoke would start they would point at the shop and say "look the little bastards have elected a new leader"

haha, sweet, running wild at school is always fun,
being a senior in highschool is some of my best memories. just strolling around like king.

I agree that was an awsome year.

I moved to a new school for my senoir year , there was no king of the hill for new ....big new ugly fish in the pond ....spent most of that year at the race shop, the brittish shop, or the junkyard ....

I'm sorry. That kinda sucks, but at least you made the best of it.

i made money is what i done ......thats basicly what i did all thorught school ...after a few bad run ins i decided i wanted nothing to do with the highschool crowd ....i went to school , then went to work ...no parties or anything ...

i did show up to prom .....i made it 10 minutes ....went home , put the tux back in its bag , and went to the race shop , finished putting a cage in a GTI

i did show up to prom .....i made it 10 minutes ....went home , put the tux back in its bag , and went to the race shop , finished putting a cage in a GTI

LOL....

i went to my senior prom. if i had a scanner id put one of the pics up, i had a sweet ass white and black tux with matching shoes. in fact ill try to find a scanner so i can git a pic up

Ahhh...high school war stories...lets see...My school was the Trojans, so of course, we made great use of the condoms...putting them over every door handle of our rival school...and under the trojans on the handles, they found a nicely superglued penny over the lock of each and every doorhandle we could find...then there was the time they came and poured diesel in the middle of our football field in the shape of a W, for Willows, EDIT: and lit it on fire END EDIT a few nights before the big game, so we made it back over to THIER football field, where the game was being played, and piled TRUCKLOAD after TRUCKLOAD of cow, horse and sheep manure on the homeside bleachers...being country folk, we had a LOT of manure which was all easily accessible...In the winter time, we'd all take our trucks to the mountains and bring back loads and loads of snow, pile it up in the parking lot, and have snowball fights for days...until it all melted down at least...the authorities were never too fond of that one...

Oh hell...and this didn't happen to me, but a buddy of mine from college bball told me that HIS arch rivals came to his school and cut down every single tree on campus...a bit excessive, I think, but funny as hell!

Ahahahahaha. Awesome story Stoney.

....where are the stories?

:yeah:

Didn't you get yourself into trouble on another thread with those "Yeah that"'s? :D

Ahhh...high school war stories...lets see...My school was the Trojans, Fellow Trojan here. Saginaw High School Trojans, MI.:thumbsup:

Stoney, you guys were baddd. OMG I would have pissed myself laughing so hard.:yup:

Didn't you get yourself into trouble on another thread with those "Yeah that"'s? :D

I did, But I didn't!!!:histeric: I never will learn.:nono:

P.S. I am always in trouble:lildevil: !!!

I did, But I didn't!!!:histeric: I never will learn.:nono:

P.S. I am always in trouble:lildevil: !!!LOL

There are a few things you have to learn by experence in the Alaskan winter.

I remeber one day in the middle of winter we went into town in my car to get the usual 100 bucks of meat , some charcoal and 100 bucks of alcohol. This was our ritual in the winter months. Every saturday regardless of temperature we Bar b Qued (our record was 55 below). While we are in town getting supplies we saw that they just opend a new car wash. So always wanting to try new things we ran the car thru the car wash. In most climates you wouldnt think anything about doing this. Well in alaska things are a bit diffrent. After we got the car washed we headed back towards the apartment. We roll up , turn the car off and go to get out. Cant .....Check the door locks ...yup there unlocked.....The doors are frozen shut !!!!! SO ARE THE WINDOWS!!!.....

Luckily i had my cell phone and made a call to work (fire department). I had them open one of the Garage doors there so i could drive in. I also had them drag some heaters out there to point at the car to melt the iced doors. 30 Minutes later the right front door poped. We got out of the car thru that door. To our horror as we got out the car was a damned chunk of ice . It took 2 hours to get the trunk open to get the meat out. Which was still just fine.

Then there are myths you hear about ....

Next day were outside , cooking the meat and drinking up a storm. One of my buds brings up the old myth that if you pee in the winter you pee will freeze before it "gets out". We musta stood there for 30 minutes dareing eachother to try it. It was the whole "im not gonna try it , you try it". Well the one that had to most to drink was (as you might guess) me.....So there i am , peeing ....i yelled back to the other guys "hey that myth is bullshit" , when i hear "sure is"...i look up .....base police .....

So there i was in my comanders office explaining to him why i was peeing on a fire hydrant (as i later found out) in the middle of the winter in alaska....

Luckily he laughed so damned hard he let me off the hook....

That was a good story Stoney.

Classic Stoney. If they are all this good I'm gonna need 2 a day.

alright, another good story. i was hoping we'd git one tonight.

How was the water not frozen? They keep it heated (think of all the steam) or use like methanol in it or something? Must add a lot to the cost of a car wash.

the car wash was "in doors" in one of the largets indoor car dealers in north america ...in a matter of speaking you drive into the showroom , into the car wash , and back outside ....

Few years ago when i was in highschool i decided id buy myself a second car. So i went to the auction and bought a old Nissan Pulsar , to go with the sentra i already had. So i paid 150 bucks for the thing and got it to the shop i worked at on a car trailer. So , after a day of working i had rewired the car and got the starter working. But the engine would run quite right. Cylander pressures were fine , everything was cheacking good. It was really looking like an injector issue. We had a new guy in the shop so we decided to teach him how to clean injectors on MY car. We hooked the pressureized canaister to the engine and started the car with the fuel pump shut off. Unforetunatly the new guy didnt get the canister ont he car right. As soon as it started the nozzle ont he can came loose and sprayed the already hot engine. Pretty much instantly caught the whole engine on fire. So whats the first thing the new guy does? Thats right , CLOSE the hood. By this time the bastard has burned the paint off the hood and is screwing up the windsheild. Got the extingiuher bound and determind ot save my 150 dollar car. Burned the hell out of my hands opening the hood , but i got the fire out.

2 more days rewireing and re pumbing the car , got it running again. It was running like a champ in the lot. Little did i know i had no working temp gauge. Cooked the engine , blew the headgasket. 2 more weeks , a new decked cyalnder head ,new gasket. Engine still wont run right. But it was a diffrent problem.

I worked for 4 more weeks after school on it , never got anywhere. I gave up and got in to drive it to the junkyard. Halfway there , the bastard starts running right. By the time i get there it ran like a brand new car. Now im real mad , so i still gave my freind at the junkyard the title. I go out and shut the car off. Theres the problem.....One missing bolt .......

And the damn junkyard owns the car........ :banghead:

Few years ago when i was in highschool i decided id buy myself a second car. So i went to the auction and bought a old Nissan Pulsar , to go with the sentra i already had. So i paid 150 bucks for the thing and got it to the shop i worked at on a car trailer. So , after a day of working i had rewired the car and got the starter working. But the engine would run quite right. Cylander pressures were fine , everything was cheacking good. It was really looking like an injector issue. We had a new guy in the shop so we decided to teach him how to clean injectors on MY car. We hooked the pressureized canaister to the engine and started the car with the fuel pump shut off. Unforetunatly the new guy didnt get the canister ont he car right. As soon as it started the nozzle ont he can came loose and sprayed the already hot engine. Pretty much instantly caught the whole engine on fire. So whats the first thing the new guy does? Thats right , CLOSE the hood. By this time the bastard has burned the paint off the hood and is screwing up the windsheild. Got the extingiuher bound and determind ot save my 150 dollar car. Burned the hell out of my hands opening the hood , but i got the fire out.

2 more days rewireing and re pumbing the car , got it running again. It was running like a champ in the lot. Little did i know i had no working temp gauge. Cooked the engine , blew the headgasket. 2 more weeks , a new decked cyalnder head ,new gasket. Engine still wont run right. But it was a diffrent problem.

I worked for 4 more weeks after school on it , never got anywhere. I gave up and got in to drive it to the junkyard. Halfway there , the bastard starts running right. By the time i get there it ran like a brand new car. Now im real mad , so i still gave my freind at the junkyard the title. I go out and shut the car off. Theres the problem.....One missing bolt .......

And the damn junkyard owns the car........ :banghead:

Now that sucks!!!! I love these stories.

Nice, keep em coming stoney.

^yeah that^

Tomorrow ill do ralphs favorite story , it involves me and a pornstar ...not alot of you know that one ...so it wont be a repeat

Tomorrow ill do ralphs favorite story , it involves me and a pornstar ...not alot of you know that one ...so it wont be a repeat

YESS!!!

YESS!!!

Caught my interest!

Caught my interest!

stoney could be talking about cloraphyl. hed probably have my interest. haha

Tomorrow ill do ralphs favorite story , it involves me and a pornstar ...not alot of you know that one ...so it wont be a repeat

Yes please!!! I never heard the whole story. And I know who you are talking about...

http://img356.imageshack.us/img356/2967/02ys.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Well now that im back from the meet and have Amy on the brain ...Ill get to tonights story...

For a year i lived 50 miles outside Los Angeles , at a firetruck tech school. A few weeks into my time there i kinda sorta fell for a girl i worked there with. So one weekend i rented a Town Car , and told her "lets go out". She said sure and next thing i know she says "lets go to Spearamint Rhino". The Rhino was as you might guess a topless strip club. Well this had me going, why would a girl im into want to go to a topless joint for our date ? So i eventually asked. She replied "because Jenna Jameson will be there and shes ***** gorgues". Now everyone here will laugh at me , i asked her "who the hell is Jena Jameson". I remeber everyone of my buds laughing there asses off. One says "ill be right back mike" , he comes back with ...as you might guess a porno. Well turns out Jenna is a porn star. Dont get me wrong , i had watched a few pornos before but i guess i never got to the point that i read the credits at the end of the film. Let alone remeber the blonde that got it in every oriface. Just never crossed my mind ....

So the night Jenna Came into town we got in the town car and drove out there. When the girl i took out there asked what i thought of Jenna , i said "shes friggin hot"(i dont like to lie). Apprently Jenna heard me or something because at the end of her "show" she came up and gave me a hug and said something that escapes me at the moment. The girl i was with said i had a silly look on my face for the rest of the evening.

she came up and gave me a hug and said something that escapes me at the moment.

You lucky bastard!!! :sneaky: It was probably her phone number that she wispered!!!!!!!!

You lucky bastard!!!!
Well , ones things for sure i havent had a boreing life :histeric:

Well , ones things for sure i havent had a boreing life :histeric:Noone should have a boring life.. you only live once.

Damn right ....one thing i leanred , always voulteer , never turn anything down ....they told me when i got int he airforce "dont volunteer" ...coarse i didnt listen .....sure i had to clean some toilets ...but i got to do and see alot of cool shit to by just saying "ill go"..

tho some things i still dont like to do ....like flying ...ACK

You lucky bastard!!! :sneaky: It was probably her phone number that she wispered!!!!!!!!

or maybe she was asking you a question. 'like what are you upto later?'
or maybe 'do you want to have sex?'
or maybe ' what is the cunuck ralph's phone number?'





...but probably 'what is that badass adumbs phone number?'

or maybe she was asking you a question. 'like what are you upto later?'
or maybe 'do you want to have sex?'
or maybe ' what is the cunuck ralph's phone number?'





...but probably 'what is that badass adumbs phone number?'
i dunno but i never thought of it ...something about porno brests smashed against you that kinda numb out all other stimuli (audio ,taste, speech,sight..)

sex with her ? you kidding .....id be a ball of nerves ....it would be like takeing AJ Foyt for a ride around Indy .....Id be giving 110% and ill id hear is "that all you got boy?"

or maybe ' what is the cunuck ralph's phone number?'



This one I could believe! :highfive: :cool2:

Muahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

Although it looks like she has some tatoos, which I don't care for, but I could let it slide...... :histeric: :highfive:


http://img360.imageshack.us/img360/4087/08uo.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

but you know its kinda scary at time ...cuz i tell these stoires and i think "crap whats going on right now thatll be a good story later" , i think that kept me doing what i do ...just wanting to make sure im not resting .....i dont want to sound like a retired old war hero in my 20s ....its cool as hell when your like 80 but 20s ...

Stoney you are one lucky bastard. Keep the stories coming. I'll tell you again that these need to be in print. :D

Stoney you are one lucky bastard. Keep the stories coming. I'll tell you again that these need to be in print. :D

addison!! you're back!!! :dance: :2thumbs: :banana: :band: :cheers:

and it looks like you brought Kevo with you. :bigroll: :p

Mmmm, still like the Jenna story......

addison!! you're back!!! :dance: :2thumbs: :banana: :band: :cheers:

and it looks like you brought Kevo with you. :bigroll: :p

Mmmm, still like the Jenna story......

Thanks for the warm Welcome. It feels like Cheers here. Don't know who's Norm though??:D Keeps me coming back day after day.

I remeber when i was in "the gulf" going into town to get some tires for one of my firetrucks. My first time ever out and about in a country other than the good ol usa.We got in the truck and headed into town. We drove a non descript locally bought Mitsu Diesel pickup. We are driving alongand as we get closer to town these spray painted markings start appearing. These werent gang signs , no these were very troubleing. Some of the ones that are still fresh in my memery said things like "DIE USA" and "666 = USA" and stuff like that. This was really the first time in my life i felt threatend in a area. Two good ol boys in a pickup running thru the heart of oviously a non freindly zone isnt my idea of safety. Ive been thru gary Indiana , Up crenshaw in south central visting a freind, ive been in some bad areas , but this my freinds was scary. As we get in town , the markings grow more intense , and people start driving right beside us stareing . Im tellin ya , that place was no place to screw around.

We make it to the tire place , and the owner of the place has a speical parking area set aside for us so no one screws with us or knows where we went. My freind that was with me had been dealing with this dude for some time. He told me "look dont ask this dude for the tires right away , that will ofend him". So this dude walks up , greets us boath like were his best freinds and introduces us to one of his wives. He then looks over ta her and says something and she takes off. He then takes us to a bathroom , and shows us this toilet. Now , this was your standard run fo the mill toilet , 1.6 gallon. I asked my freind "whats this about". Well apprently the tire shop owner heard we used a diffrent sort of recepticle to...relive ourselves in. He was showing us the toilet to see if thats how we set out bathrooms up in the US. I complineted him on his work and before i could leave he orderd me to take a test drive on it.

So after my test drive we go into his office . At this point his wife comes in with these little coffie cups. In them was the best damn coffie i ever had , i still dont to this day know how it was made. For the next 2 hours we talk about life in the US and how it compares to the country he calls home. Then finally we could talk tires.

What took me in the US 1 hour tops , took me one whole day in the mid east....But it was a very facinateing trip to get a set of tires....

LOL, probably Nabob "Tradition." That's the best coffee IMO.

What were you "armed" with going into this area?

LOL, probably Nabob "Tradition." That's the best coffee IMO.

What were you "armed" with going into this area?
standard issue 9 mil ....M16 under bench seat ....

that is cool. man that would be scary as hell though

that is cool. man that would be scary as hell though
at the time it was very scary ...i remeber thinking "i really dont want to be killed trying to get some tires for a firetruck"

at the time it was very scary ...i remeber thinking "i really dont want to be killed trying to get some tires for a firetruck"Hell yeah. I would have been locked and loaded. Nice about the guy conversing before business. Real laid back.

Hell yeah. I would have been locked and loaded. Nice about the guy conversing before business. Real laid back.
thats how they operate from what he told me , its customary to talk for AWHILE before getting down to business ...

If you all think i was lucky before .....

Watching one of my favoite movies right now , blackhawk down. Reminds me of another story.

For a year dureing my alaska tour i got the chance t work at that target range. You all have read my bombing story so you know about the place. But what you dont know is how they transported stoney out there. When i voulteered for the assingment i had no idea i couldnt drive one of my fleet trucks out there.

They said "show up at hangar such and such monday at 0700". They said "bring supplies for a week , to inculde food and clothes". So i did , i showed up with the biggest damned cooler you ever saw and one military duffle bag. I unload my Infiniti and headed inside the hangar. There waiting for me is a Airforce Pararescue Blackhawk. We had a small breifing on the flight and such and how landing and unloading was going to operate. We load the Chopper and i get in , they toss me into the gunner seat and i strap in. Normally i hate flying but i couldnt keep the exitement inside for this ride. They fired off the turbines and i let out a rebel yell thatd make any alabama resident jelous.

We taxi away from the hangar a little ways and then shoot stright up . You feel the chopper tilt a bit forward and off we go. According to a buddies GPS unit we were running close to 200 mph and were 150 feet off the deck. That still takes us 30 mintues to arrive on range. Being my "cherry flight" as they called it they play this nasty little trick on you. They fly right passed the LZ (landing zone) and the flight engineer guy screams at the pilot "you missed it dumass" to which the pilot grabs and handful of left stick and sends the chopper stright at the LZ at a angle and G force that makes you wonder if your gonna die. Every single light on the dash goes red and alarms sound all over the place, They then shut the turbines off and coast in (auto gyro). By the time wheels touch ground im to scared to even shit myself. Ay this time the pilot spins around in his seat to check the "cherry" out and then they all go into a gut busting laugh.

After that each commute out on the chopper seemed dull. Except when we got a "cherry".....I tell ya it is pretty damned funny to see the look on the new guys face when they do that ....

Lol.

Jesus...There are times I wish I WOULD have gone Marine...that would have been great, except I wouldn't fit in the damned chopper! :) Excellent story, as always, stoney!

Can't just turn the engines off on a helicopter unless you're real close to the ground. Autorotation from anything over a few dozen feet equals big repair bills.

Can't just turn the engines off on a helicopter unless you're real close to the ground. Autorotation from anything over a few dozen feet equals big repair bills.Sorry Dave, but you are mistaken here. Here are a couple of links to information on autorotation with helicopters.

http://www.copters.com/pilot/autorotation.html

http://www.helis.com/howflies/autorot.php

There is much more information on it if you are interested. Just do a Google on autorotation.

I'm a dumbass. If we haven't learned that by now we're not paying attention. I was completely backasswards saying autorotation has to start at a low altitude, I just think the higher you are the harder it becomes to prevent the craft from rotating opposite from the rotors. Also during the flare right before landing it is important to maintain a steady, level approach. Having power there is no net lift and there isn't much time to correct. I've only flown RC helis (and fixed wing aircraft) but I see no reason it wouldn't apply to the real thing.

I'm not researching it further since I will only ever fly fixed wing.

I'm a dumbass. If we haven't learned that by now we're not paying attention. I was completely backasswards saying autorotation has to start at a low altitude, I just think the higher you are the harder it becomes to prevent the craft from rotating opposite from the rotors. Also during the flare right before landing it is important to maintain a steady, level approach. Having power there is no net lift and there isn't much time to correct. I've only flown RC helis (and fixed wing aircraft) but I see no reason it wouldn't apply to the real thing.

I'm not researching it further since I will only ever fly fixed wing.That's OK, if you ever want a real kick in the seat of the pants take a ride on an Army chopper. Talk about catch 22! Those boys (and girls) are some of the most highly trained mental patients in the world!

belive me , they did autorote ALOT ....now i will admit those turbine dont completly shut off diuring the manuver , there spooling down to nil as we do that ....i would imagine the show throttle response and still being postively connected to the geartrain it probably was not a totally unpowered landing , but with all the alarms and the turbine gauges going red , and hearing them spool down , it aint like a normal landing LOL ....ive been thru alot of those too

I was working part time in a five-and-dime.. My boss was Mr. McGee.... He told me several times that he didn't like my kind.... 'Cause I was a bit 2 leisurely ...Seems that I was busy doing something close 2 nothing....But different than the day before ...That's when I saw her, Ooh, I saw her She walked in through the out door, out door
She wore a
Ras......

ever get a song stuck in your head ?

We had alot of exercises at the base (what you all may call war games) . One was called "cope thunder". This one Airforce units from around the world show up. Korean , Japanese , even her majestys airforce showed up. In addition many of our own show up , units like the B2 Stealths from Missouri ,AWACS, all kinda neat stuff.
couple days into "cope thunder" i was sitting at the firestation , eating a nice plate of spagetti (yes we do eat that much spagetti at the firestation). We get a call over the swak box that a plane went down over toawrds Eagle Alaska. I walked out to the 2 trucks that were to respond to do my tradition of making sure the trucks leave with no issues. Few hours later they come back , apprntly not much left but the did get the boxes and the body. Turns out it was a brittish airforce Tornado , no matter what goes down its a pretty sad deal. You hate to hear of that sort of thing.

Next day , Im once again at the firestation watching jerry springer when a fire breaks out at the officers club. Trucks roll , awhile later they come back. Apprently its brittsh tradition to get good and drunk and light a piano on fire when they loose a pilot. Unforetunatly they didnt tell us about this sort of thing . We lost a very nice piano and did some damage to the officers club. The good part is they did make a valliant effort to get the piano out the door before setting it ablaze.

I had a few oppernitys to party with the britts , but thats one i wished i didnt miss.....

the helicopter cherry popper and the flaming piano party. :thumbsup:

You gotta make a book out of these.

Another good story Stoney!!!! Keep them coming!!!

Ha, them Brits...

Another "Cope Thunder" Story ....

As a gearhead i have a weakness for cool mechanical things. So when i saw we had a couple B2 stealths at the base i decided one night me and the camera would head down there for a kodak moment or two. So i drove all the way down there to the lot behind the hangar they were staying in. Not thinking i walk under a gate thing and make my way towards the aircraft. I get to it and i walk around it , look at the wheels , wheel wells , how this whole thing is bolted together. I get my camera out to take a few pics , i snap the first pic off. I walk around to get a beatter shot and the next thing i know all i see is dirt. I also feel this cold metal thing on the back of my neck and hear a "click". At this point i also hear "what the **** are you doing?". I say to myself out loud , "this cant be good". I hear "your goddamn right it isnt smartass". I awnser back "what the hell is in my neck , its cold as hell". He replys "M16 , SAFETY IS OFF". Next thing i know im arrested (again) and in the back of a truck. Hour later ive got all these werid guys asking me questions on why i was there. All i could tell them is "that plane is badass and i wanted to look at it and take some pics to hang on my locker at work". One guy comes back and says "hes clear , i called his supervisor." He also says "technicaly he has the right security clearnace to be there too". All i could think of to say now is "oh man my boss is gonna kill me". The dude that talked to him said "your supervisor says you do this sort of thing pretty often , and he cant stop laughing at you". I looked up and said "yup , i guess this is normal".

I never did get my camera back ....

Nice, Stoney.

Yeah!

Reminds me of a story my cousin told me when he was on an SRT at a SAC base around 1982. An airman came back to work on a bomber sitting on the tarmac after lunch. The problem was that he took off his ID badge at lunch and forgot to put it back on. Security jacked him up for 4 hours kissin the tarmac, spread eagle, very hot weather. He had two M-16s and a 60, loaded, safety off pointed at his head the whole time. He never forgot his ID again after that.

Another story, same base, a full bird snapped a few neurons and decided to execute an unauthorized security drill by scaling a perimeter fence in civies. He was spotted by a security officer who ordered him to stand down. After repeating the order twice with no response he fired his weapon felling the colonel for the last time. The colonel was buried with honors, the security officer was commended for doing his duty and then transfered to other duty elsewhere as a reprimand for shooting an officer. :cookoo:

yah you dont screw around with base secuirty , sucking tarmac isnt a good thing ....that happens alot tho ....

yah you dont screw around with base secuirty , sucking tarmac isnt a good thing ....that happens alot tho ....Especially on a SAC base with bombers pregnant with nukes near the end of the Cold War........:bomb: :alchi:

oh snap .....yah i was post cold war .....by about .....9 years ......

The Moron Brothers ....

They are the moron brothers ,they dont get along with others - no fx

I was ont he way home today , i was feeling some good ol fashioned dead milkmen , misfits and nofx ....Song called Moron brothers comes on , couldnt help but think of a good buddy of mine. He and i were often called the moron brothers , we thought it was cool as we were named after the song. We really didnt get along with people . Were the sterotypical angry white guys ,smartasses and all that shit. We would sit around and drink thinkin of shit to do. In alaska we had to get creative , as after 4 days stright grand theft auto gets old.

One day we read his owners manual for his 4 runner. We liked the part about treading lightly. So we immediately got int he truck and went into the forest , useing his brushgaurd to mow down trees and anything else natural we could find. We also looked for that moose that chased me, we figured wed give the bastard a run for its money. Never did find it ...

Another day we were driving into town , bored as usual. We thought "wouldnt it be cool to screw with other people at stoplights". So the next light we did our very best to imitate two kids with down syndrome that took moms car for a joyride. We scared a few people , esp with the licking windows part....Ont he way home we were getting harassed by a honda to race him. So we got side by side , i hit the horn 3 times , he hits the gas , i slamed on the brakes. Got to the next light and rolled my window down , my buddy yells "damn your car is so fast , you blew our doors off"(the kid int he honda belives it). I yelled over "lets try again im gonna turn the a/c off" ...He revs back , light goes green and i smoked his ass.

Unforetunatly my buddy also found out my weakness for cealing fans when i got drunk. I have some sort of sick condition where i have to find stuff to throw in the fan . One morning i get a call from him , he was rather pissed , he found 4 bottle caps wedged in the wall of his apartment and gobstoppers everywhere. He didnt care so much about that as he did about his playstation controller , it was in half , one celing fan blade broken and the cord was wrapped around the motor , burning it out. I got him a new fan , he didnt put it up till after i left alaska.

Dureing the summer months there wed sit outside in the parkinglot of the apartments and make sure to talk to everyone that came in and out. If we got one that was as we called "stuck up" , wed make a point to get some sort of reaction out of them. No one got by us , and more than once we had a few girls at the table we set up thatd join us heckleing cars that went by, talking with strangers, and drinking our beers. You see that was one of our rules , if we got beer , everyones got beer. We always shared if they wanted to hang out. At the same time people leanred we told it like it was. We never lied , (well about serious stuff like how a girl looked). We were prone to serious bullshitting, had one kid belive i was really in vietman. He still does to this day , i aint gonna tell any diffrent.

One day we got a new member of our little club (he brought beer , thus instant member). We named him slilent bob , because the bastard never spoke , and if he did hed studder. He did a decent job of holding his liquor . But he wasnt immune to the "moron brothers" and what we do. Every once in awhile wed ensure he was totally drunk and send him down to the first floor to get us more beer. There was no elevators , just stairs, and every once in awhile youd hear a thump thump thump , and a muffled "d--d---dd--damn". Wed laugh for an hour , only way to get silent bob to talk was to send him down stairs drunk and listen for him to fall. Well we felt bad after the 3rd time we done it and so for chirstmas we got him a nice helmet to wear when he would go drinking with us....

I miss my freinds .....

Very nice story. Again. I'm starting to agree you should make a book.

Very nice story. Again. I'm starting to agree you should make a book.See I told ya Stoney. If I ever make my way down to Tampa or you find yourself in the Gopher State, we have to hang out. Remember the phrase for today is make a book:D

ive tried a dozen times .....formats an issue , then content , one was just so damn depressing ...i guess we could call that the blue perioid ....that one was really pathetic ....

I did write a suppliment to a technical manual once for airport tow tractors...does that count ?

...iguess

Hey Stoney! This fan's for you!

http://www.tlc-direct.co.uk/Images/Products/size_3/EN72123.JPG

thats pretty , how many RPM will it run ?

I wasnt the only one with bad luck in highschool. My car didnt fare much beatter, Esp a few dark days in november 1997.

One morning i jump in the car and head off to school. I had just gotten done with replaceing the front brakes the day before after a caliper had seized. I pull up to the stop sign at a intersection. I look to my left and see this old buick lesabre , prolly a 78 makeing a right turn . Well he kinda made a wide right turn , so wide he hits me head on. A car that big can push a little sentra pretty darn far. Once he gets stopped , he puts it in reverse waves at me to say "sorry" then takes off.

Coarse now im pissed. So i turn my beaten car around and go after him. As i get to him steam pours from the front of the car , i decided i was gonna take the buick out in a blaze of glory. I hit the horn and motion to pull over. They ignore me. I fall back a little , toss it in 3rd and pin the gas. I ramed intot he back of the car twice. Still nothing (cept less steam). I write down the plate number , and ram the car once more for good measure. Temp light comes on as i get back home, engine is ok. I call highway patrol , i give them the plate number. I asked "what happens next?". He said , "we have beatter things to do". He gave me the adress that the plate matches. Later that night , me and a freind go to the adress and find the car. We burned it to the ground right in his "driveway".

I patch the car up once i get home to go to school the next day. I get to school no problem. After school , i go to leave and there is a crash off to my right as you turn onto the highway. Then an opening in the traffic happens , thinking the car infront of me will go also i let out the clutch and go , so does she. But then she sees the accident , her car stops , no warning , no lights. I plow stright into it. She gets out of her car and runs to a kid in what is now the "first accident" , she kisses him and hugs him. I sit in my car , confused trying to figure out what exactly just happend. She then approaches me flipping out saying i almost killed her. I asked her "why did your car stop so fast" , her awnser "i used the emergency brake dumbass , its supposed to stop faster". I rolled up the window and proceeded to throw the biggest damn fit you every saw.

Few minutes later a cop walks up to my car and taps the window. I roll it down , he asks "are you calmed down yet". I said , "a little". He said "look kid , just go home , she told me everything". So i did, then went to work (at the junkyard) while at work i picked up some parts to patch up the sentra.

So i thought "ok thats just a coincidence i had 2 crashes in 2 days , tomorrow will be beatter"...I decided to go ahead and drive to school the next morning...

Once again a nice commute to school. After school i walk out into the parkinglot. For some reason toda i cant seem to remeber where i put my car. Standing in the spot wher ei thought i left my car i look around. I find my car , 40 feet away with rubber marks from something else where it had pushed the sentra acorss the parkinglot. The sentra put up a good fight , but was no match for the vechicle that was driven into it and used it as a soccer ball.

I picked up the peices of my car as i walked to it , put them in the trunk and went home. I decided , from that point on id just take the bus .....

As for the culpirt of the 3rd crash , i got a note stuck to my windshield wipers one day while im at work. The note basicly said "sorry about your car , it looked alot like my ex girlfreinds car and i was mad at her so i was trying to destory it".

OMG I would have tried to find that guy and proceeded to open a can of whoopass full strength. We can call this story trois miserables.

Sure glad I have a CCW... ... :) ah, not that it would be any good in any of those situations...oh, never mind...better to NOT have one there, I guess

wow!
sounds like a rough week.....good thing you were a balanced person.

People have been pushed off the 'ledge' for less.

you get used to this sort of thing after awhile when your me .....it doesnt phase me ...

'burned it to the ground' haha thats awesome. way to go stoney.

man....I can't even get myself to key a car....I can't imagine torching a car!
if you get busted that can seriously fk up the rest of your life there.......good story though!

edit: not trying to be righteous or anything. when I was young I did a bunch of risky things too.

;-)

when someone hits you head on and takes off , the rules of the game change for me ...

we used my buddys 83 town car to "take care of buisness"...not like it was a stealth mobile , it was the only one around with huge bullhorns on it , and no exaust

LOL!

That's a pretty scary car.

Maybe he thought, "if this guy tracked me down in a bullhorn toting no muffler town car and torched my ride....maybe its best if I stay inside till he gets his roll on"

most likely .....the car was quite scary

Dude, where's your Car?? ;)

Dude, where's your Car?? ;)
http://www.paulsharpe.net/attic/pics/curtisparty/charcoal.jpg

oh there it is :histeric:

Or, even better..."Dude, where's your Kahr!?" :D

As some of you know i had a real bad crash a few years ago in alaska , when my car went off a cliff.

I never did tell yall about my adventure in the hospital.

After the crash , i crawled back to the roadway where a few cars were waiting for me . They thought i had died and were looking at the car and talking the medics in from the main road. A couple people helped me to the curb and one started wrapping my head up trying to keep the skin on it and stop the bleeding. I couldnt really see or anything , just really dazed.

By the time im loaded into the ambulance im starting to get a bit tired. We roll away , and this dude starts pocking my arm like crazy. I yelled at him "****ing stop your not OJ". He told the driver to pull over , apprently he couldnt hit a vein to get the drugs going. At this point i blacked out , but i guess came right back. The guy asked how i was doing , i looked at him and said "ive never wanted to sleep so bad in my life". I guess thats the worst thing you can do becuse he didnt like that idea very much. He kept shakeing me to keep me from sleeping . We get to the hospital , i got a new bag for the IV and in a couple minutes im feeling pretty damned good. Strapped to a backboard for a few hours tho doesnt help , X rays were done and i was sent to operateing to be patched back together. Being a slow day they left me in recovery , alone. A bad thing when your dealing with me full of good drugs.

According to my supervisor , they had forgotten to get me something to wear , all i had on was my boxers. Which if i stayed where i was supposed to would have been fine. He said that i told one dude that i had to pee and thats the last he saw of me. They found me 2 floors up , half naked hitting on the nurses in the lounge. My supervisor said when he found me there i was asking one nurse if she thought my new scars were sexy. It took him and my Lt to drag me away from the nurses lounge , apprently i had unfinished business there. Wish i could have remebed doing that , or what the nurses looked like when my ugly ass got there. At any rate i guess i had a good time ...

half naked hitting on the nurses in the lounge. My supervisor said when he found me there i was asking one nurse if she thought my new scars were sexy. It took him and my Lt to drag me away from the nurses lounge , apprently i had unfinished business there. At any rate i guess i had a good time ...

Well at least you maintained your logic and good sensibilities!!! :alchi: :cool2: :thumbsup:

Another good story. I hate when you take a night off. It's like my bedtime story everynight.

its gonna be cool if i can ever pollute the owrld with my genes , my offspring will love this stuff

its gonna be cool if i can ever pollute the owrld with my genes , my offspring will love this stuff

haha, hell yea

itd bee cool to be drug to show and tell
"this is my dad , he cant be killed by anything"
he been :
zapped by 220
zapped by 110
run over 3 times
drug under a firetruck
survived 2 "house" fires
went to afgaistan
survived 6 car crashes
flatlined once
5 concussions
been bombed by an f16
been in one airplane crash
stabbed
crushed
lit on fire 6 times
blown up twice
....

wheres my list ...i know im missing something

Yes yes, keeping priorities straight in a situation like that is quite impressive! Good work, stoney! :D

Few years ago i was sitting at the firestation , mid winter in alaska. It was late , about 11pm . I was working on something (i really forget what i was doing). I get this message on my standby cell phone , something about a firetruck broke somewhere. I call them back , and get some idea on whats going on. The truck is down south of me , about 70 miles. Its in this shithole called greely for a military manuver. Since it was 70 miles down there , i called the guy that overseas all the shops in vehicle maintenace. He willingly goes along , in fact he drives. We leave the base at around midnight , temperature a blamy -40. We placed a "cold front" on the nose of the truck , which keeps air from getting to the radiator , preventing it from freezing as we drive. As we near halfway to greely the truck starts getting a little cold inside the cab. Turn the heat up to full max recirc. Still getting cold , and were now looseing engine temp (the trucks a deisel too). Looking at my gauge fastend to the mirror were getting an indicated -140. Now keep in mind were dealing with windchill from a truck moving at 70mph. The engine makes just enough heat to keep from freezing the coolant , no other heat is made. The cab goes dead cold , prolly about the coldest ive ever been. Luckily we had our coats so it was no big deal.

Get to greely , step out of the truck and asked whats going on. We are taken to the dead firetruck , it ran but it wouldnt hold water. Someone forgot to turn on the heaters that keep the pipes warm. Water froze in one pipe that leads to the pump , busting the pipe. The pipe doesnt get pressurized , if anything it might see a slaight vaccum. We ask "how important is it that we have this truck?". Guy says , "pretty important" and points skyward. 2 C130 aircraft full of paratroopers are circiling , awaiting clearnace to drop. The pipe leak isnt too bad so i decide to try to duct tape it to slow the leak. I get my roll of duct tape and try to peel off some. It peels just fine , i get a 3 foot length of it and go to stick it to the pipe ot begin to wrap it. IT WONT STICK , apprently duct tape wont stick at sub zero temps. However it is still pliable , it makes a nice rope and thats about it. The guy that came with me came up with a beatter idea and told me to get some latex gloves. We strecthed the latex goves around the pipe and tied it to the pipe with the duct tape. How? by tieing the ductatpe in a knot and useing it like rope. It pretty much fixes the leak , allowing the paratroopers to leave the plane and cute down to the ground.

It wasnt till i saw those guys "chutes open" that i realized i wasnt cold at all , i was down right nice and warm comapred to those guys ....

Pretty damn cold!!!!!!

We complain when it gets to -6 celcius here....

LOL!
Yeah, compared to a truck cab experiencing convective heat loss at 75mph at sea level those poor bastards are free falling in nothing but a jump suit from high altitude in who knows what kind of air speed.....wow.
i can't even imagine how that feels.

That "does it matter that she cooks" thread made me think of why i mentioned the "banging my freinds" comment....

Few years ago my best freind ,silent bob and i were sitting at our picnic bench in the parking lot doing our usual heckleing and drinking. Two girls walk up , new troops to the base. They had boath just moved into our apartment building and just wanted to hang out with us so they could meet people too. Me and one fo the girls hit it off pretty damned well. She was from jersey ,of puerto rican parents. As the weather got colder we all decided to hang out in my apartment (mine was fixed up pretty nice). She and i spent most of the nights curled up on the sofa , the rest sitting everywhere else. Wed sit and bullshit every night till 10 , everyone would then trickle out. She would leave for her place at about 11.

She had no car so i took her to work every morning , every morning shed kiss me goodbye and send me on my way to work. For the first time in my life i felt i had everything the way i wanted it. I was kicking ass.

Month or so later i get a call from my best freind. He says "i have a confession". I (jokeingly) said "lay it on me my brutha". I was known as "the revrend" in the military so i really thought it was just bullshitting. Then to sum it up he told me that she and him were sleeping together. She was really going to his place after leaving my place everynight. He honestly felt rotten about the whole thing. He then said "look i know your going to kill me so i think i need to tell you i am in anchorige right now (600 miles away)". I clamly told him "stay there , dont come back". He took 2 weeks of leave to ensure i had pleanty of time to cool down. When he came back i was the first person he went and viststed , he was really scared of what i was going to do.

Coarse i never did anything , we had a few beers , and bullshitted like nothing ever happend. Years later he asked me why i wasnt mad , i just said "bros before hoes" , and explained that i had just flat given up on that sort of thing.

Now i told you that story to tell you this one ....

Awhile back i met a nice girl where i worked at the VA , and had a good freind who was an ex marine. With this girl i decided id take things very slow and just let her make the first move. We all went to bars and stuff together , my marine buddy and her would go out and dance (im no dancer). I never feared him dancing with her ,he was happily married with a new baby. One day , my marine buddy disapers , and his wife is asking me who the girl was. After everything shakes out it turns out he was having an affair on his wife with my girlfreind.....

All i could do was Laugh , still one of the funniest things in my mind thats ever happend to me.....

what was that quote...... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." LOL

Oh harsh, its a good thing that you stayed buds with him though... I have done the part of the cheating, i was already married when i met Claire, it wasnt right for me, i was way to young and jumped in head first, im not proud of cheating on my first wife, but i love Claire, and knew from when i met her i did, i wasnt happy in my first marrage. It ended appropriately and i married Claire soon after.

It wasnt nice being in that position though

Hang in there Stoney. The right girl will come along and when she does you will know it. I can't believe the luck though.

and you aint heard the half of it ...if i told yall most of my "luck" with women youd think i was lying ....little b doesnt even belive i was maced in a parkinglot trying to give a woman the keys she dropped leaving the store

I believe it.

I believe it.I supose that could be taken poorly. Allow me to rephrase; I believe you Stoney. ......now wait a minute...one might get the wrong idea with that too... OH! I GIVE UP!!

poor ol kev , he went from a "proud union tinner" ...."to jes a dumb ol tinner"

growing old must be hell , it happend all at once to ya there buddy

poor ol kev , he went from a "proud union tinner" ...."to jes a dumb ol tinner"

growing old must be hell , it happend all at once to ya there buddyWell, I've always been dumb ol tinner and always union, proud of that so, I'm all of the above I guess. :)

LOL!
Yeah, compared to a truck cab experiencing convective heat loss at 75mph at sea level those poor bastards are free falling in nothing but a jump suit from high altitude in who knows what kind of air speed.....wow.
i can't even imagine how that feels.

I made my share of winter free falls back in the day... wearing thermal skivvies, jeans & my leather motorcycle jacket under the jumpsuit. Even though I was jumping in temps not below 25F, moving through the air at 100+ MPH with all the accompanying adrenaline, believe me when I say, "You do NOT feel the cold until after you're under canopy!"

The worst thing that ever happened to me on a winter jump was the collar of my jacket getting out from under my jumpsuit during free fall & having it slap my cheek at a furious rate for about 5-6 seconds. Everyone else on the jump was looking at me while I'm trying to tuck the collar back in, hanging about 10 feet away. :cookoo: Had a nice red triangle on my cheek by the time I landed. :yup:

, moving through the air at 100+ MPH with all the accompanying adrenaline, believe me when I say, "You do NOT feel the cold until after you're under canopy!"

:
never thought of it that way .....interesting

LOL....I guess being cold is the last thing on your mind when you're freefallin while being bitchslapped :)

stoney
i've been reading the tread and i find myself...
with a strong feeling of respect for some one who has a close up
of charcoal on his hard drive.

jspano

stoney
i've been reading the tread and i find myself...
with a strong feeling of respect for some one who has a close up
of charcoal on his hard drive.

jspano

I thought that pic meant his car sort of "ended up on the rocks" so to speak?

I remeber as a kid dad dragging me out into the garage to work on the racecar he had. He made me do all sorts of things to it growing up. Then i was drug to the track , and sat there and watched him run,crash,blow up and all that. Id get sunburned all to hell and be out there helping reset clutches or whatever to get ready for the next session. When i turned 16 we had talked about putting me into the car. Working 2 jobs , bad grades and everything else the plan never came to fruition. There was since then this underlying grudge between us as to who would be the best driver. Over the years i estabished myself pretty well in the illegal street stuff. Where he was a properly schooled racedriver. So a Couple years ago we got the oppertunity to go to a Mazda event that was basicly an autocross. We would run in equal prepped cars against the clock. After some words from the organizers we were set loose in the mazdas. He goes out first and sets a pretty low lap time. I came out , beat him and set the low lap time. We went back and fourth over several runs damn near all day. The old man was pretty damned surpised i could hang haveing never seen track time in anything. He sets low lap time before my last run. By this point i had the car figured out pretty well , i began my run got to second gear, then downshifted back to first and broke the tranny. Being the guy i am i still didnt give up , kept my foot in it and with the bouncing off the rev limiter and tons of wheelspin i brought the car in , with the worst time of the day and one hell of a lot of smoke. They couldnt say i didnt go down in a blaze of glory.

Still didnt fix the problem , we each think were the beatter driver to this day......Me breaking the car didnt help .... :histeric:

haha, what did mazda have to say about the broken car?

not as much as i thought they would , they started to make a big deal out of it , but then they realized its a tiptronic , so it was really the cars fault

One day , I was sitting there at my shop in the desert. Me and a couple of my buds are kickin back , smoking cuban cigars and talking about the states. Base commander even walks up and chats right along with us. Pretty slow night , ive got one truck down awaiting parts. After a long converation about the war he picked up and left to go to bed.

Everynight this girl would "entertain" a dude across the dirt road in the gazebo we built. Normally we let this go , but sometimes it got pretty noisy over there. A few a few nights of this and none of us getting any for ourselves we decided to put a stop to it. So we finished our cigars and and walked into the shop and started the firetruck , made sure it was full of water. We then drove it out of the shop and across the road full lights and siren stopping right infront of the gazebo. This of coarse got the lovers attention , i pulled the bumper turret valve open and gave them a nice cold shower. Coarse by this time the base commander got a little curious as to "where the fire was". Living 60 feet fromt he gazebo he walked up just in time to see the lovebirds sopping wet missing there clothes . Niext night he came over and talked to us again , basicly saying he cant approve of what we did but that it was damn funny.....he left telling us not to do it again and toteing one of our cubans....

Nonethless to say we never had that problem again ..... :histeric:

Why "Stoneage"

The name itself has a story....Years ago when i was in the military i went thru a time where i fell into a depression. Mainly caused by the 3 suicides i witnessed (2 were "sucessful"). There was something about being helpless to save them that really got to me. So for awhile they placed me on pills to keep me on a even keel till i could work thru it. Unforeneatly these caused me to get VERY angry about VERY small issues. They also caused me to get a nasty case of vertigo. I spent my days in the shop mumbleing and dragging things around to what i was working on. Only to bash the item i was working on with a large hammer. Then to top it off id fall over just walking around. One guy claimed i looked like a caveman , and as a joke in the breakroom refered to me as the "Stoneage Technician". I awnsered by lungeing across the table at him and grabbing him by the shirt.

After 3 weeks of this and throwing a wrech at my supervisor they jumped me as i went outside and tied me to a chair with ducttape so i could be transported to the hospital. Where they figured out they gave me the wrong doseage and took me off of the crap perminetly. I dont really remeber much of those 3 weeks , most of it came from the storys i heard once i was able to get back to work. The name stuck in some circles , so when i ventured online for the first time i took the name with me , changing the tail part of the name to reflect the forum i attend. In the long run things worked out , and after a few months i finnaly realized deep down that those poor kids that commited suicide was there own fault and not mine...

One day , I was sitting there at my shop in the desert. Me and a couple of my buds are kickin back , smoking cuban cigars and talking about the states. Base commander even walks up and chats right along with us. Pretty slow night , ive got one truck down awaiting parts. After a long converation about the war he picked up and left to go to bed.

Everynight this girl would "entertain" a dude across the dirt road in the gazebo we built. Normally we let this go , but sometimes it got pretty noisy over there. A few a few nights of this and none of us getting any for ourselves we decided to put a stop to it. So we finished our cigars and and walked into the shop and started the firetruck , made sure it was full of water. We then drove it out of the shop and across the road full lights and siren stopping right infront of the gazebo. This of coarse got the lovers attention , i pulled the bumper turret valve open and gave them a nice cold shower. Coarse by this time the base commander got a little curious as to "where the fire was". Living 60 feet fromt he gazebo he walked up just in time to see the lovebirds sopping wet missing there clothes . Niext night he came over and talked to us again , basicly saying he cant approve of what we did but that it was damn funny.....he left telling us not to do it again and toteing one of our cubans....

Nonethless to say we never had that problem again ..... :histeric:

LOL, I'd be totally pizzed if someone did that to me. :bomb: ;)

Why "Stoneage"

The name itself has a story....Years ago when i was in the military i went thru a time where i fell into a depression. Mainly caused by the 3 suicides i witnessed (2 were "sucessful"). There was something about being helpless to save them that really got to me. So for awhile they placed me on pills to keep me on a even keel till i could work thru it. Unforeneatly these caused me to get VERY angry about VERY small issues. They also caused me to get a nasty case of vertigo. I spent my days in the shop mumbleing and dragging things around to what i was working on. Only to bash the item i was working on with a large hammer. Then to top it off id fall over just walking around. One guy claimed i looked like a caveman , and as a joke in the breakroom refered to me as the "Stoneage Technician". I awnsered by lungeing across the table at him and grabbing him by the shirt.

After 3 weeks of this and throwing a wrech at my supervisor they jumped me as i went outside and tied me to a chair with ducttape so i could be transported to the hospital. Where they figured out they gave me the wrong doseage and took me off of the crap perminetly. I dont really remeber much of those 3 weeks , most of it came from the storys i heard once i was able to get back to work. The name stuck in some circles , so when i ventured online for the first time i took the name with me , changing the tail part of the name to reflect the forum i attend. In the long run things worked out , and after a few months i finnaly realized deep down that those poor kids that commited suicide was there own fault and not mine...

Were those military suicides? Sorry to hear.

Were those military suicides? Sorry to hear.
yah .....i told tomm some of it when we went to the hocky game ...

i hear peple tell me "ive seen shit"....well there is nothing (in my book) that comapres to dealing with a suicide , esp when your right there ...something about someone hurting themselves that defys all convention, ideals , its almost as if its a movie or something , it just doesnt seem real ....when it sinks in that its real is when the folks that are left behind really have some stuff to deal with

yah .....i told tomm some of it when we went to the hocky game ...

i hear peple tell me "ive seen shit"....well there is nothing (in my book) that comapres to dealing with a suicide , esp when your right there ...something about someone hurting themselves that defys all convention, ideals , its almost as if its a movie or something , it just doesnt seem real ....when it sinks in that its real is when the folks that are left behind really have some stuff to deal with

You think that's bad, think of the parents!! My good friend in HS named Sheldon committed suicide in his bedroom. His method....a 12 ga. Imagine what his parents must have gone through when they found him!!! I feel for the rest of the family in that situation, or any witnesses.

....you guessed it, it was over a GIRL!! :helpless:

You think that's bad, think of the parents!! My good friend in HS named Sheldon committed suicide in his bedroom. His method....a 12 ga. in the mouth! Imagine what his parents must have gone through when they found him!!! I feel for the rest of the family in that situation, or any witnesses.

Sorry, I know it's a bit graphic, but how else can it be told accurately....you guessed it, it was over a GIRL!! :helpless:
girls cause too many of them ....well they dont cause them , but you get my drift ....

none of the ones ive dealt with were about girls , military suicides are a really strange animal ....part of the whole military experence is that you have no options , there is no quitting , no going home ....you go and do and dont think .....so these poor kids really belived the only way out was to die ....they really thought things were that bad ...the one we saved , we cuaght him as he was slashing himself say "i wanna go home, i wanna go home" over and over ....one of my buddies knocked his ass out with one blow , thats all i could think of to do , so thats what i said "****ing knock his ass out cold"...we did our best to keep as much blood in the kid as we could till the medics arrived ....none of us left the room for a good 3 hours ...we just sat there looking at eachother , saying "what the hell just happend?" our sargent came in with the chaplin and after a few words we all just kinda left and got a few beers at the bar ...

girls cause too many of them ....well they dont cause them , but you get my drift ....

none of the ones ive dealt with were about girls , military suicides are a really strange animal ....part of the whole military experence is that you have no options , there is no quitting , no going home ....you go and do and dont think .....so these poor kids really belived the only way out was to die ....they really thought things were that bad ...the one we saved , we cuaght him as he was slashing himself say "i wanna go home, i wanna go home" over and over ....one of my buddies knocked his ass out with one blow , thats all i could think of to do , so thats what i said "****ing knock his ass out cold"...we did our best to keep as much blood in the kid as we could till the medics arrived ....none of us left the room for a good 3 hours ...we just sat there looking at eachother , saying "what the hell just happend?" our sargent came in with the chaplin and after a few words we all just kinda left and got a few beers at the bar ...

You did the right thing Dude. Hopefully he is doing ok now.

i guess , he got his wish tho ...they sent his ass home on a looney discharge and he was back working for his dad in the construction bidness getting stoned everyday .....

We need to lighten the mood, any more Jenna Jameson stories?? I could tell you about the time I emailed Natatsa. ;)

Well....no more jenna stories .....sometime i wish there were more ...

"this one time me and jenna were going after it in the back of a black 63 continential..."

ill see what comes up for tomorrows story ....i wanna do something more ....current ...

I remeber one time i tried internet dateing ....

I met this girl online , seemed like a really nice girl. She bugged me all times of the day on messenger and such. So when i had some time off i had het meet me at a blockbuster there in North Pole alaska. I figured wed meet , rent a movie and head to my place and bullshit. At the time i was young and stoopid , so when she rolled up wearing blockoma sunglasses and signifcantly overweight i ran. Top side of 3rd gear at 105 mph i said to myself "what kind of shallow bastard are you?", I turned around and met her at the movie place. Explined to her that i thought i had an emergency call back at the firestation and got on with selecting a movie. Got the moive and went back to my place. Watched the movie , every conversation i started was ended promptly by her. After the moive the conversation was still terribly short no matter what i did. I had a pre arrnaged phone call set up at a certian time by my boss to call me in for to in case i wanted to get out of this date. Phone rings , i take the call and head to the shop. She supposedly leaves for home.

So the next morning my boss calls to ask about the date , and i told him...I was pouring my cereal when i relaized i was out of milk. So wrapped up the conversation and went to the car to go get some milk in northpole. as i get into my car i see her car ....With her in it....stareing at me....I thought "gee thats strange"....I got out and asked her if everything was ok .....No reply.....I looked at her and said "i really dont understand the silence thing". Still no reply....Got in the car and headed for the store. There she is following me. So i took my car to 70 mph , shes still there in that beat up corsica. At this point im a little freaked out. Poped 3rd and let the hammer down. I dusted the corisca by 4th. I went the back way to the store ensureing i lost her.....

When i got back to my place she wasnt there ....I thought "well good thats over"...Next morning , that damned car is back.....it went that way for bout 3 weeks .....still to this day dont quite know what the deal was .....

Weird!!! That girl was a freak!!

ive dated some real winners over the years .......and damned near married one ....

i met a girl on a dating site.she started talking to me and my friend. she had a nice voice and even though part of us probably knew she couldnt be good looking, we couldnt give up hoping for that one in a million chance. so one night i was talking to her and decided, what the hell ill drive over and see her. i dont want to be mean, but that drive was over before it started. awkward silence for the whole 5 minute drive, i dropped her off and in a panic went home and deleted any chance of contact she had with my, i feel shallow about it but oh well. part of life i guess.

The Hotrod Humvee

When i was in the desert was played a few games out there. So did everyone else ....Apprently dureing the night the base secuirty Guards drag raced our Humvees against the local cops in there toyota trucks. Any one here who has driven a REAL humvee knows how slow they are. Apprently the toyotas arent much beatter but for some reason were a bit faster than the humvee. One night they roll a Humvee into my shop. Since i work from 8pm to 8 am its night and noone is around. The base security guys tells me about looseing to the toyota and asks if theres anything i can do. He said he would pay me in cigars and gatorade , when all you have is bottled water gatorade is like gold.

So that night i made a work order for the paperwork guys saying "minor mantenace",and set off to work. First i gutted the truck , and i mean GUTTED. There must be around 500 pounds of "stuff you dont need" in a humvee. I then removed the eaxust and advanced the injection pump timing.

But the biggest part was Propane. When i was back in the states i had done alot of readin about how propane acts like nitrous in a diesel engine. I had a propane tank for a gas grill laying behind the shop , which had some propane in it . I crudely plumed the propane to the engine , and told the secuirity guy how to use it ...I drove the truck round the shop just to see if i made any difference , it felt pretty decent for a humvee. I then handed it over to the gaurd and he set off.

We apprently did very well that night , slaughtering 2 toyota trucks and one of the local cops corolla........Before he blew the motor .....Luckily i told him if anything happens or breaks to get rid of that propane tank ....otherwise someone would have been privvy to my games ....truck rolled back in , boss asks "where is the exaust?" , i showed him a parts order for the whole exaust and said "it was rusted , so i took it off and gave it back to the user"...no one never knew any diffrent , except for the guys that got dusted by a humvee

Stoney are you past the "statue of limititations" on the last story?? I met a chick online from australia and about 3 weeks after chatting she sent me a letter stating how she wanted to feel me inside her and make love and the whole nine. It got pretty graphic. I almost bit but I thought what if ths girl is a guy who's built like a tank and has a fondness for stocky 18 year old boys?? Threw the letter away and never responded.

LOL .....i have no clue .....

haha, thats a good one. what are some of the stuff you removed for wieght? hopefully not armor, lol.

hopefully not armor, lol.
um yeah ....why ?

Boredom is a nasty thing lemme tell ya ....

We were in the desert one night , once again cigars and and talking about "back home in the states". I decided id go back under the firetruck i was rewireing . Grabeed the ceeper and my wireing tools and went under. I look up and theres the biggest damned spider i ever saw looking right back at me. He was chillin there in the frame rail of the truck. Coarse i damn near shat myself. You see these aint ordinary spiders. These damn things are called camel spiders. They spend there day looking for camels and once they find one they jump onto its belly and eat there way into the camel. There mean as hell as you might imagine. So i got back out from under the truck and got a box and a screwdriver. I coaxed him into the box via the screwdriver and shut the lid . I then tossed the hole thing into a little metal bucket and called my buddies over at the base security. You see they had an Undefeated Scorpion. Undefated meaning that we held "fights" between scorpions and spiers or scorpion on scorpion. Similar to the rooster fights on TV.

So that night we set up the fight , the firetruck mechanics spider VS the undefated "Cop Scorp". Well my spider kicked its ass and killed it. And i got there beer rations for the next 2 days.

They went and got them another Scorp and wanted another go at the "Firetruck Spider". Well my spider killed that one too. They ended up useing 4 Scorpions till they got one to kill my spider. I claimed "foul" becuse my spider was injured and i was given no choice but to make him fight that night....Didnt stick , i didnt get beer ratations for 4 days after that ....

But for awhile i was the "don king" of bug fights , only in the desert ....

Lmao

One night ...

In the desert i got a call from the firedept telling me they got a truck with an issue. So i had my freind give me a ride down in my shop truck and drop me off. The truck ran fine so i decided it would be best for me to bring it back to the shop. Keep in mind this is 3am when this all takes place (i worked at night to avoid the heat). So i bring the truck back to base , about a 4 mile drive. I roll up to the gate and the gaurd is asleep. Keep in mind i just rolled up in a HUGE firetruck with a deisel engine. Guys still asleep. I decided he needed a shower. I put the truck in nutral , and flipped it over into "pump" mode , and slightly opened my bumper turret. Gave it just enough pressure to gradualy bring the stream of water right to him. Before i could get the water to him the truck went into high idle , basicly the engine is now screaming. this wakes the poor guy right up just in time ot see this stream of water headed his way , scares him so bad he falls out of his chair and fumbles for his radio. Just back from the gate is a trained marine with a 50 cal gun thats pointed stright at you. He saw the whole damned thing and was laughing so damned hard he was crying. At this point the guy with the 50cal tells the kid "open the damn gate".

The kid never fell asleep on the job again ....

LMFAO

Bonus night .....

A few of you know i messed up my back and thats why i am no longer a mechanic. I might have even told a story that was a little bit of a "tall tale"....I told the real story the other day and the guy liked it so well i de