: Funny as hell



CVP33
01-27-05, 09:44 PM
Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:

"Aim towards the enemy."
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
US Marine Corps.

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
USAF Ammo Troop.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal.

"Tracers work both ways."
US Army Ordnance.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
Infantry Journal.

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
Anon.

"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
Your comrades.

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
USAF Ammo Troop.

CTSV05
01-27-05, 10:54 PM
Thats good.

trukk
01-28-05, 09:46 AM
Heh,

I work at a Navy Installation. They have insulated pipes all over the place with bright red stickers that say:

"FREE ASBESTOS"

I guess you can take all you want ;)

I'm not sure why they didn't phrase is 'asbestos free'. Come to think of it, I hope that's waht they meant.

-Chris

DgtalPimp
01-28-05, 10:26 AM
Some interesting information regarding the National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Top Fuel class of drag racing....from an engineering friend. Some of the data is mind boggling.

One Top Fuel dragster 500 cubic inch Hemi engine makes more horsepower than the first 4 rows at the Daytona 500.

Under full throttle, a Top Fuel dragster engine consumes 4 liters of nitro methane per second; a fully loaded 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate with 25% less energy being produced.

A stock Dodge 426 Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to drive the dragster's supercharger.

With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lock at full throttle.

At the stoichiometric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitro methane the flame front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.

Nitro methane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.

Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. This is the output of an arc welder in each cylinder.

Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After 1/2 way, the engine is dieseling from compression plus the glow of exhaust valves at 1400 degrees F.

The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.

If spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with sufficient force to blow cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half.

In order to exceed 300 mph in 4.5 seconds dragsters must accelerate at an average of over 4G's. In order to reach 200 mph well before half-track, the launch acceleration approaches 8G's.

Dragsters reach over 300 miles per hour before you have completed reading this sentence.

Top Fuel Engines turn approximately 540 revolutions while traveling a quarter of a mile! Including the burnout the engine must only survive about 900 revolutions under load. The red-line is actually quite high at 9500 rpm.

The Bottom Line: Assuming all the equipment is paid off, the crew worked for free, and for once NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run costs an estimated $1,000.00 per second.

The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.441 seconds for the quarter mile (10/05/03, Tony Schumacher). The top speed record is 333.00 mph(533 km/h) as measured over the last 66' of the run (09/28/03 Doug Kalitta).

Putting all of this into perspective: You are riding the average $250,000 Honda MotoGP bike. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel dragster is staged and ready to launch down a quarter mile strip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the RC211V hard up through the gears and blast across the starting line and past the dragster at an honest 200 mph (293 ft/sec). The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that moment. The dragster launches and starts after you.You keep your wrist cranked hard, but you hear an incredibly brutal whine that sears your eardrums and within 3 seconds the dragster catches and passes you. He beats you to the finish line, a quarter mile away from where you just passed him. Think about it, from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 mph and not only caught but nearly blasted you off the road when he passed you within a mere 1320 foot long race course.

DgtalPimp
01-28-05, 10:27 AM
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way QUANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Stoneage_Caddy
01-28-05, 11:35 AM
[b]
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
USAF Ammo Troop.


Guys over at EOD (the bomb guys) all had squadron shirts they wore at work that said "If you see me running try to keep up " i thought that was funny and worrysome at the same time ......whats worse is they worked next door to the shop i worked in .....ocasionally id get worried ....i hated it when they played football

Kev
01-28-05, 11:41 AM
Guys over at EOD (the bomb guys) all had squadron shirts they wore at work that said "If you see me running try to keep up " i thought that was funny and worrysome at the same time ......whats worse is they worked next door to the shop i worked in .....ocasionally id get worried ....i hated it when they played football
Scary type, like a 'Catch 22', you wouldn't want a crazy man on the Bomb Squad but, you'd have to be crazy to do it!:cookoo: lol

Kev

D148L0
01-28-05, 12:12 PM
Great posts, people!

D148L0
01-28-05, 12:21 PM
Dgtal, I just posted your NHRA text at one of the motorcycle forums I belong to. Amazing figures!

DgtalPimp
01-28-05, 12:24 PM
Cool, I got it from a friend of mine (http://www.baer.com/Media/ContentDetails.aspx?ContentID=167).

Cheers,

Kev
02-06-05, 10:52 PM
Sorry to revive a dead post but, I just found this and had to share! ;)

Kev

davesdeville
02-07-05, 12:38 AM
Bomb technicians have a sense of humor.

http://500caddy.us/Random/bomb_squad.jpg

Kev
02-07-05, 12:42 AM
Bomb technicians have a sense of humor.

http://500caddy.us/Random/bomb_squad.jpg
Oh, that's just wrong! lol

Kev

Kev
02-07-05, 03:14 PM
Is it just me or does this picture look like a Photoshop special?

Kev

flutie flakes
02-10-05, 01:13 AM
LOL that's some of the funniest stuff i have seen yet!