: Hollywood (BS) logic



CadillacLuke24
04-12-13, 05:51 PM
Just thought of a few of these this morning, and I thought it'd be fun to see what we come up with. So, here goes.

When hit, no matter what the speed or angle of impact, a vehicle will spontaneously explode.

The villains always want to take over the world or obtain large sums of money. In order to do so they usually take a hot woman hostage.

Although there are many ways to find that special someone, there are usually two ways in which it happens:

1. You hate their guts at first, but you grow to love them.
2. You are instantly attracted, and regardless of all possible circumstances, eventually tie the knot.

Cops die on their last day before retirement.

No matter how bad the previous day, your vehicle is always showroom new the next morning.

Everybody has a cubicle. Just so you have to clean it out when you get fired.

Bad guys never win. Good guys never lose.

No matter how crafty or clever the villain is, they always do one thing wrong to tip them off to the cops.

In order to go faster in a car, all you have to do is downshift.

Villains couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Heroes make snipers look like noobs.

Despite often obvious evidence that they are the same person, a superhero is never confused with their alter ego. NEVER.

The hero never dies.

The villain goes to prison, never to be heard from again. Unless there has to be a sequel, in which there is some minor detail overlooked, allowing them to escape.

There are ALWAYS happy endings! :xbs:

Hoosier Daddy
04-12-13, 06:06 PM
Don't forget that all vehicles and drivers have identical performance. A clapped out step van (or any other car) can keep up with (or ahead of) a new 911 turbo (or any other car) in a car chase.

The-Dullahan
04-12-13, 06:23 PM
Naked college kids always die first.

Slow killers are the worst. Leatherface is pretty quick and can run, but you CAN outrun him. Michael Myers or Jason on the other hand never run, but will magically pop up in front of you when you least expect it.

Never trust the government. They are ALWAYS out to get you (If you're an immigrant minority, this is true about reality, too)

Large companies are evil. Especially ones with immense wealth, influence and political power. Or if they had become the largest commercial entity in the world and nine out of every ten homes contain it's products. Oh, and a good tipoff is if they fund and own their own city and have a subterranean, multi-level building.

I know that sounds like Hollywood fiction, but that is not simply the description of "Resident Evil's" "Umbrella Corporation" but a completely valid and accurate description of a particular Florida-based company that has set up such establishments across the world and shall remain unnamed.

CadillacLuke24
04-12-13, 06:26 PM
Oh yeah! And any car of any type can go off a jump and land with no terminal suspension failure.

When the main character is fleeing the cops, the cops drive like teenage girls on their phones, and the main character drives like Mario Andretti.

cadillac kevin
04-12-13, 06:29 PM
I love watching the F+F movies and seeing vin diesel and paul walker upshift about 20 times while only downshifting 2 times on their way to a top speed of 200 mph in a car that should be capable of only 130-140 (but has unlimited nitrous for the ultimate performance boost) all the while taking corners and driving through traffic and never hitting anything. I also love the rubberbanding how a car that is 20 car lengths back can pull even with another car while both are going WOT, yet the car that just gained those 20 lengths (if it is a bad guy car) cannot pass the leading car.

orconn
04-12-13, 06:30 PM
Ah, come on guys, it's only just Hollywood making a buck. You haven't mentioned the over riding rule that takes precedent over all else in Hollywood ..... what ever it is it must make money, lots of money! The more spinoffs and cheesy products that a thing generates the better ...... taste be damned to make a buck is the ultimate good.

After all it is all that doe-re-mi that allows Hollywood to pontificate about what we should think and who we should vote for!

Hoosier Daddy
04-12-13, 06:40 PM
I love watching the F+F movies and seeing vin diesel and paul walker upshift about 20 times while only downshifting 2 times on their way to a top speed of 200 mph in a car that should be capable of only 130-140
Don't forget movie street races that go neck and neck until someone decides to just push the gas pedal down farther, like when the road narrows to one car width or something.

truckinman
04-12-13, 06:48 PM
Never open the fridge in a scary movie, bc the killer is bound to be on the other side of the door once you close it.

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Don't forget movie street races that go neck and neck until someone decides to just push the gas pedal down farther, like when the road narrows to one car width or something.

Not to mention, when a 99 Malibu keeps up with a corvette zo6. Oh yea. That could happen. If the Z never shifted above 2nd gear. Lol

The-Dullahan
04-12-13, 07:01 PM
Citing every one of George A Romero's "The Dead" series as examples (Since he is the all-father to the Zombie flick) If you are not Irish, Pennsylvanian or some combination of the two...you cannot survive. You MAY sneak by, so long as you stay in the direct company of such people though.

Having had the time to sit down and chat with Mr. Romero though, I can see why he believes this.

Kev
04-12-13, 09:58 PM
If movie and television programs emulated reality they would be horribly boring and depressing.

That is all.

CadillacLuke24
04-13-13, 12:17 PM
Well yeah, good role models are never entertaining, but it's fun to mock them nonetheless :D

Aron9000
04-13-13, 07:16 PM
The bad guys with automatic rifles shoot hundreds of rounds of ammo at the good guy and always miss. The good guy armed with a glock 9mm, a colt .45 or Walther PPK manages blow them all away from 20+ yards. Total BS, its hard enough to hit your target with a pistol, much less while you're sprinting, breathing hard, and trying not to get mowed down by four bad guys with kalashnikovs.

CadillacLuke24
04-13-13, 07:51 PM
:yeah:

Any wounds obtained by the good guys are nothing more than flesh wounds they srug off as they battle.

The slightest explosion kills handfuls of bad guys at a time.

vincentm
04-13-13, 08:30 PM
I'll just leave this here:

http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/

The-Dullahan
04-13-13, 09:11 PM
If movie and television programs emulated reality they would be horribly boring and depressing.

That is all.

You must lead a depressing and boring life.

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The bad guys with automatic rifles shoot hundreds of rounds of ammo at the good guy and always miss. The good guy armed with a glock 9mm, a colt .45 or Walther PPK manages blow them all away from 20+ yards. Total BS, its hard enough to hit your target with a pistol, much less while you're sprinting, breathing hard, and trying not to get mowed down by four bad guys with kalashnikovs.

While I agree at how ridiculous this is, but at the same time, I have never managed to get plugged by any number of semi or fully automatic weapons of the many fired at myself or those I was with. Sometimes, I suppose it cones down to the fact that even the "bad guys" can't hit their target either.

Hoosier Daddy
04-14-13, 12:41 AM
Sometimes, I suppose it cones down to the fact that even the "bad guys" can't hit their target either.
Absolutely. My old man was a bank manager in the '60s. The bank was robbed. The cops arrived as the robber was leaving. My old man jumped into the cop car that ran the crook down. They stopped with the cars side by side. Cop and robber both jumped out of their cars and emptied their guns at each other over the top of the cop car (and my old man). Nobody was hit and the crook took off on foot. I guess adrenaline affects aim.

The-Dullahan
04-14-13, 03:16 AM
^Oh yeah, definitely. A lot of people have difficulty hitting a target under those circumstances. Most don't even take the time to mentally count the shots they fire and only realize they are out of ammunition when their firearm goes click.

Not much for guns myself. You can get a lot done without them that a little bang-bang just never trumps. Besides, I have a girl for that. Not the reason I started working with her to begin with, but definitely what she specializes in. I think last time I had to assign a name to her job it was "Long-Range Artist"

CadillacCastle
04-14-13, 06:14 AM
I want a movie gun because some of them never need reloaded and get shot for hours. All of the reality shows are scripted Duck Commander just got a raise to 200,000 per episode, Chum Lee of Pawn stars gets 25,000 per episode (not bad). Storage wars buyers are multimillionaires. Barry 8 million, Brandy 975,000, Darrel 1.5 mil. You would think these were just junk dealers. They are entertaining.

CadillacLuke24
04-14-13, 03:57 PM
I want a movie gun because some of them never need reloaded and get shot for hours. All of the reality shows are scripted Duck Commander just got a raise to 200,000 per episode, Chum Lee of Pawn stars gets 25,000 per episode (not bad). Storage wars buyers are multimillionaires. Barry 8 million, Brandy 975,000, Darrel 1.5 mil. You would think these were just junk dealers. They are entertaining.

Like Ray was saying, she was lying out her ass when she said she was struggling to make ends meet. Twatwaffle.

The better the bad guy and the good guy know each other, the more likely they are to have an epic battle at the end of the film.

During said battle, the bad guy can mow down a ton of cops, but he can't hit the good guy at all.

No matter how fantastic the crash of any vehicle, if the good guy and bad guy are on it at the same time, they land unscathed, with a fiery inferno of a crash in the background.

CadillacCastle
04-14-13, 08:20 PM
This is interesting to see how much money they have. (if it is true). Barry is the richest on storage wars. http://how-rich.com/331/how-rich-is-barry-weiss/

The-Dullahan
04-15-13, 01:58 AM
It's my understanding that the Pawn Stars guys are only actually at the shop when they are filming, which is of course, how they make most of their money. However, I can personally vouch that ANY day you drive by, you can find a line going on for blocks as people wait to enter the store.

Even worse when all you drive are large antique cars (usually black) and apparently that makes you confusable for one of them, who is also apparently an avid fan of antique American motorcraft.

Aron9000
04-15-13, 06:09 AM
It's my understanding that the Pawn Stars guys are only actually at the shop when they are filming, which is of course, how they make most of their money. However, I can personally vouch that ANY day you drive by, you can find a line going on for blocks as people wait to enter the store.

Even worse when all you drive are large antique cars (usually black) and apparently that makes you confusable for one of them, who is also apparently an avid fan of antique American motorcraft.

That's one thing I never understood about Pawn Stars. Why in the hell do you drive around in antique black cars when its 120 ****ing degrees outside. Better hope those ancient R12 air condition systems in your old Cadillac, lowrider Regal, or Imperial are working right.

The-Dullahan
04-15-13, 03:47 PM
I don't know. I never mind driving my black '73 Oldsmobile around Vegas. Cool too, because this Whole Foods place has these parking spaces for hybrid vehicles up in the front of their parking lots and I get to block them all off. Surprising number of Hipsters (Prius-Owners) in the Vegas area, most likely sue to our proximity to Seattle/California.

Of course, in Florida I had always done the same. My Cadillac is black and when I rebuilt the Pontiac, the only realistic option was to make it triple black. I drove the Cadillac around in FL weather (which is way worse than Nevada, because though it is not as hot, it is VERY humid) WITHOUT Air conditioning for like...three years.

orconn
04-15-13, 04:13 PM
Believe me, a well functioning '60's air conditioning (HVAC) system is more than up to cooling a 1960's size car (black of other color). I would think the "Old Man's" cars are in tip top condition so that he can enjoy then heat or cold !

RippyPartsDept
04-15-13, 05:54 PM
This is interesting to see how much money they have. (if it is true). Barry is the richest on storage wars. http://how-rich.com/331/how-rich-is-barry-weiss/

I always thought that it was pretty obvious that Barry was wealthy


Believe me, a well functioning '60's air conditioning (HVAC) system is more than up to cooling a 1960's size car (black of other color). I would think the "Old Man's" cars are in tip top condition so that he can enjoy then heat or cold !

yup - R12 cools better than R134a ... waaay better

The-Dullahan
04-15-13, 06:06 PM
R12 is where it's at. Only what the kids call "Noobs" these days are dumb enough to convert them.

talismandave
04-15-13, 10:59 PM
This is interesting to see how much money they have. (if it is true). Barry is the richest on storage wars. http://how-rich.com/331/how-rich-is-barry-weiss/

He was the only one who came into the show with money already.

The-Dullahan
04-16-13, 04:55 AM
I know nothing about this Storage Wars show. I am pretty familiar with the the concept, mind you (plenty of work experience with SU auctions. I have even put things in them and intentionally let the lease expire, because I was tired of people not claiming their belongings and would rather actually invest the effort in doing that over simply trashing them) and I can say that MOST people who do it already have a lot of money. That is how they fund their collections/warehouses/storechains that sell what they find.

On a related note, it is also a good way to find illegal firearms, stolen goods and the occasional murder victim. My understanding is that it happened to one of the chaps from that show one time even (not sure who, but I gather he is a Redneck, if that narrows it down)

Somehow, I feel that this does not regularly get mentioned on the show nor do they talk about the 100 other people who show up at these auctions, as there seems to be a general "cast" from what the lot of you are saying. If something like it DID happen, I imagine the quantities of stolen goods or money would be completely over dramatized and there would be plenty of Hollywood cop cars and whatnot on film and worried reactions from the cast member who purchased the locker.

CadillacCastle
04-16-13, 05:31 AM
It is sad that one of the buyers commited suicide Mark Balelo in Feb. http://tv.yahoo.com/news/storage-wars-death-mark-balelo-committed-suicide-medical-222921542.html It is sad that he did not get help or talk to someone to change his thinking. RTP Mark

CTSCHICK
04-16-13, 05:58 AM
This is interesting to see how much money they have. (if it is true). Barry is the richest on storage wars. http://how-rich.com/331/how-rich-is-barry-weiss/

Grandpa munster haha

Thanks I always wondered about that because of the way he tossed money around and lost it

Jesda
04-16-13, 07:37 AM
Kurt Vonnegut's take on storytelling:

http://www.brainpickings.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/vonnegut_cinderella.jpg

http://htmlgiant.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/vonnegut.jpg

http://www.brandstoryonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/kv-04.png

Aron9000
04-17-13, 03:05 AM
I've watched the Storage Wars a little bit and always knew Barry made his money a while ago doing something else. This is kind of a like a hobby and a way to source weird junk for his collection. He's also an attention whore IMO, nothing wrong with that, because he is pretty charismatic on camera.

As for Dave Hester filing the lawsuit about the show being fake, I'd say its probably true. If he is anything in real life like they portrayed him on the show, he HATES to lose. He wouldn't file a baseless lawsuit, because he wouldn't win. Trust me, the guy is a greedy bastard, and is using his dirt on the producers(the show is faked) to make more $$$$.

ben.gators
04-17-13, 03:40 AM
^
Today I was watching the storage wars. They aired one of the old episodes too, where Mark was there. Boy, I felt so bad.... What a shame! Drugs claimed another victim, this time indirectly!
Barry is my favorite character, I love to have a buddy like him! And as noted earlier, he is there just for fun! I have read that he is going to have his own show too! And by the way, it is very obvious that this show is mostly scripted and fabricated! But it is still entertaining. And Dave is an A$$$!

CadillacLuke24
04-17-13, 02:16 PM
^
Today I was watching the storage wars. They aired one of the old episodes too, where Mark was there. Boy, I felt so bad.... What a shame! Drugs claimed another victim, this time indirectly!
Barry is my favorite character, I love to have a buddy like him! And as noted earlier, he is there just for fun! I have read that he is going to have his own show too! And by the way, it is very obvious that this show is mostly scripted and fabricated! But it is still entertaining. And Dave is an A$$$!

LOL I think anyone who watches this show, myself included, strongly dislikes Dave.

cadillac kevin
04-17-13, 03:27 PM
lol i think anyone who watches this show, myself included, strongly dislikes dave.

yuuuuuuup!!! (tm)

ben.gators
04-17-13, 06:24 PM
In defense of Dave's character and his presence in the show, any movie or show needs bad guys too.... And when you dislike or even hate a character, you are engaged with that character, and that is another way to keep viewers watching the show, hoping that good guys will kick his ass....