: M5 Driver LMAO!!!

06-27-12, 04:38 PM
So I am cruising around a few backroads this morning, and haven't seen a car for at least 20-30 minutes. I am doing about 50 or so coming up over a long hill and what do you know, I come up on an M5. I follow at a reasonable distance for a mile or so until the road flattens out. We come to a stop sign (literally in the middle of nowhere Tennessee), so I pull up next to him.

Now, I know that he has seen me following him over the last few miles, and I thought it was pretty obvious to him as to what my car was, as I could see him continuously glancing in his rear view and side mirrors.

So, here we are at the stop sign, I roll down my window, and he rolls down his. Nice enough guy, name is Jeff, no mods to his 2000 bimmer, and he bought it about 5 months ago. So we chatted back and forth for a few minutes and decided to have a go from the stop sign up to 60 mph.

So, game face on, I roll up my window, put it in 1st, and wait for him to honk his horn to signal the start. 10....20...30 seconds goes by, but nothing. I glance over at Jeff, and he is fumbling with something in his car. I give him another few seconds, but he never looks back up.

I put the V in neutral, roll down my window and lightly honk the horn. He looks over at me, rolls down his window and asks "what's up?". And this is the conversation:

Me: "Everything ok?"
Jeff: "yea...what's up?"
Me: "We still want to race to 60?"
Jeff: "What do you mean?"
Me: ".......uh.....didn't you just say that you wanted to race to 60?"
Jeff: "What are you talking about? I didn't say that I wanted to race!"
Me: ".........[crickets for a full minute]......"

So Jeff rolls up his window, looks forward and slams on the gas. He rockets across the intersection as I am scrambling to put my V in gear and punch it. So I feel like an ass, but WTH...

I follow Jeff for about 2-3 miles, pretty much riding his bumper as we shoot up and down hills and through a few twisty's. Sure enough, we come to another stop sign. I pull up next to Jeff again, and dejavu ensues...

Jeff rolls down his window, and is laughing his butt off. I roll down mine, and while not laughing but a little disappointed, I give him a smirk and he is the conversation:

Me: "Pretty sneaky guy aren't you? Did you learn that in ninja training?"
Jeff: "[still laughing]...Dude...I totally ripped your a$$! That thing is f'ing slow [as he points to the V]."
Me: ....[crickets but now probably visibly upset]....
Jeff: "[down to chuckles now]...you want to try again?"
Me: "Seriously? Are you sure you understand how to race?"
Jeff: "What do you mean? You said you were ready to go....so I went"
Me: ...[putting the car in 1st]..."Ok...ok...lets see if we can try this again...to 60!"
Jeff: "You sure?"
Me: ....[looking straight forward as my window rolls up]....

So Jeff starts reving his engine...pops the clutch and his tires light up.

*Pause* Now, I have been practicing my launches over the past few weeks, and have gotten pretty good (at least for my standards) at launching with minimal wheel spin. Mostly this effort was started so that I don't trash my diff, but also, most morons in a race think that starting with a cloud of smoke is the way to go...*Un-Pause*

I give the V the ol' one two and, while I heard a small amout of chirp, I launched pretty hard and was out of the blocks. Shifting to 2nd, I notice that I am about a 1/2 car length ahead of the bimmer. I hit 62(ish) mph and shift lightly into third, proud of my decent launch and that I took him. As I glance in the side mirror, I see Jeff rocket past and continue to go...

I leisurely continue down the road for about a mile and I see Jeff waiting on the side of the road. I pull up next to him and he is off laughing again...

Jeff: "Man...I really thought you were going to win that one! I smoked your sh!t all up and down this road!"
Me: "sure guy....you sure did...me being in front of you up to 60 must have thrown you off..."
Jeff: [puzzled look]..."what do you mean...I had you the whole time..."
Me: [putting the car in 1st and pulling away from captain oblivious]...

Seriously...wth man....lol!

06-27-12, 04:51 PM

06-27-12, 05:22 PM
Sounds like a typical bmw driver.

06-27-12, 06:07 PM
he must have been high

06-27-12, 06:17 PM
Excellent story of an idiot without a clue. It reminds me of someones signature on tech that says "Leave on the second honk and deny it". LMAO noob.

06-27-12, 07:07 PM
Lol what a jackass...

06-27-12, 07:31 PM
This reminds me of my friend with an auto m6 who gets beat up to 120 then I let off and he goes around saying he whooped my ass. Except the sad part is, we have done this about 5-6 times and he still doesn't get it. Daddy bought him the m6, another clueless BMW owner...

06-27-12, 08:00 PM
Entire reason I don't look at buying a BMW. I like the styling but the douche bags that drive them ruin the cars rep.

06-27-12, 08:05 PM
Whenever I meet a bimmer M driver, I always ask them what kind of engine they have, etc., just to have something to say. Invariably, they have no idea, besides sometimes being able to tell you how many cylinders.

06-28-12, 08:23 AM
Hahhahaha....He was probably fumbling around trying to hide his dildo.

06-28-12, 09:48 AM
This car wouldnt happen to be black or a very dark color? If so i ran into a similar instance with an older M5 on 840 not to long ago and he was acting like a fool so i decided to just leave him. When i slowed to down for my exit, i was actually getting off the exit (took him about 10 secs to catch up) he flew by and put his flashers on.

Sounds really familiar....lol

06-29-12, 07:54 AM
All of the tards own E39's anymore. That's what happens when you start to depreciate into the sub 15K used car segement. E60 owners are still driven by old men that are far more interested in taking pictures of my license plate or going the speed limit rather than doing something naughty too. :sneaky: but I can fault them less. I would be cautious with the E60's DCT being a time bomb if I had one too.

The only people you have a decent chance of getting a proper road race with are the E46's or E90/E92 people.

06-29-12, 06:06 PM
we are skirting the line here (actually we are across the line) but as long as evarbody stays reasonable...

07-04-12, 04:42 AM
That really just made my day ... BMW drivers Smh