: Living together with a girlfriend/boyfriend



lev
10-06-04, 08:39 PM
Can anyone tell me what is the point of getting married if you already live with you other half?

Shouldn't relationship be a constant evolution? You know, first you date, then kiss, then date only each other, then get married, then live together, have sex, etc.

But if you already live together, how will the marriage change the relationship? And if it will not, why marry?

Thank you for reply.

Slick V
10-06-04, 08:48 PM
When you live with some one you learn who they really are inside. I wouldnt want to marry a women with bad living habbits

barge master
10-06-04, 08:53 PM
That is a thought provoking question lev. I think a lot of people do it because they think that's what they're supposed to do. It does have practical reasons too like making the other person your legal next of kin. In the event of something happening to one of you, the other can have the greatest say as far as the handling of your financial and personal affairs.

Stoneage_Caddy
10-06-04, 08:56 PM
alot of it depends on religon , years ago living with your "other half" was living in sin ...nowadays many folks look at it as a good test to see how it will be before you get married ....really isnt a bad idea at all ...

I always thought a realtionship should be a constant evolution just as you did and in that order , but i live in a fairy tale and in real life i am a gentleman due to my upbringing on small town or what some call country values (im just crude online).

In this day and age marrige doesnt mean what it used to , yousetoobe that it was death till you part ....

I dont want to sound like a shovenist but i firmly belive the advancemnt of womens rights has had an effect on marrige , women now know that they dont need a man (or in some states and cases woman) to live or rise there children . Instead of staying in a bad relationship or perhaps useing the proper channles to try to fix the relationship they just leave . Depends on whom you talk to if thats a bad or good thing . I always belived if the relationship was int rouble that boath man and woman needed to comprimise or fix what is wrong .

Marrige is like the formal declaration that your other half is your soulmate and you are boath exclusive (unless were talking about utah). Pledgeing to be with eachother for life regardless of what life throws at you . Bound by church, god, and state ......

Also if you live with eachother long enough (7 years i belive) the government looks at you as "common law" married

This is how i look at it , prolly why i find it so hard to understand what goes on in the world ...

I talk to lots of people around here(central florida) , they get married only if the sex is good , i just dont place much value on something like that , if a marrige is based off sex how can it work without infidelity ?

Adam
10-06-04, 09:00 PM
i know down here if you live with someone for 7 years you are common law married. i do believe it has to be male and female though. my cousin's roomate lived with him (female roomate) for 8 years and they just found out that they are or could legally claim marriage.

Ralph
10-06-04, 09:22 PM
I dont want to sound like a shovenist but i firmly belive the advancemnt of womens rights has had an effect on marrige , women now know that they dont need a man (or in some states and cases woman) to live or rise there children . Instead of staying in a bad relationship or perhaps useing the proper channles to try to fix the relationship they just leave . Depends on whom you talk to if thats a bad or good thing . I always belived if the relationship was int rouble that boath man and woman needed to comprimise or fix what is wrong .


Also if you live with eachother long enough (7 years i belive) the government looks at you as "common law" married


You're not a shovinist, I agree! I'm sure the feminist movement had something to do with it also. Sometimes I'm pessimistic and say "marriage is just for lawyers." It's the children who are always the victims because the couple is too lazy to give to a relationship and not put work into it. I live with my Fiance (well she is away for a few months right now working) and if you just "take" from a relationship it won't work. I used to have radical femiist movement professors in Sociology who actually taught Women don't need Men anymore.

Common law here is 6 months only! However, if you happen to break up you get to keep whatever you owned before you moved in together or anything you bought up to the 6 month deadline.

Elvis
10-06-04, 09:49 PM
The reason to get married is to show your commitment to the other person.

If you wanna shack up and screw around, that's fine, but it's really only a day-to-day operation. Each party can pack up and leave anytime they feel like it, no consequences.

I don't think of the two (shacking vs. marriage) in the same context. Different people want different things. Marriage is a cultural thing. Too many people enter into it lightly. It's not for everyone, and it's probably not for as many people today as it was 40 years ago.

Night Wolf
10-06-04, 10:08 PM
alot of it depends on religon , years ago living with your "other half" was living in sin ...nowadays many folks look at it as a good test to see how it will be before you get married ....really isnt a bad idea at all ...

I always thought a realtionship should be a constant evolution just as you did and in that order , but i live in a fairy tale and in real life i am a gentleman due to my upbringing on small town or what some call country values (im just crude online).

In this day and age marrige doesnt mean what it used to , yousetoobe that it was death till you part ....

I dont want to sound like a shovenist but i firmly belive the advancemnt of womens rights has had an effect on marrige , women now know that they dont need a man (or in some states and cases woman) to live or rise there children . Instead of staying in a bad relationship or perhaps useing the proper channles to try to fix the relationship they just leave . Depends on whom you talk to if thats a bad or good thing . I always belived if the relationship was int rouble that boath man and woman needed to comprimise or fix what is wrong .

Marrige is like the formal declaration that your other half is your soulmate and you are boath exclusive (unless were talking about utah). Pledgeing to be with eachother for life regardless of what life throws at you . Bound by church, god, and state ......

Also if you live with eachother long enough (7 years i belive) the government looks at you as "common law" married

This is how i look at it , prolly why i find it so hard to understand what goes on in the world ...

I talk to lots of people around here(central florida) , they get married only if the sex is good , i just dont place much value on something like that , if a marrige is based off sex how can it work without infidelity ?

Wow, I agree compeltly, and can relate :)

Stoneage_Caddy
10-06-04, 10:10 PM
They dont call me "Revrend" for nothing .....well maybe .....damn that impression i do.......

Adam
10-06-04, 10:56 PM
6 months? Canada :rolleyes: hmm.

Ralph
10-06-04, 10:59 PM
6 months? Canada :rolleyes: hmm.

Ya, the lawyers love it here too!

JohnnyO
10-06-04, 11:04 PM
:coolgleam Depends on the person I think. You can get to know someone pretty well without living together. We lived together for about 6 months before we got married last year but that was more to save money than anything else, plus her apt. lease was up. Regardless, I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on. :bouncy: OTOH, that didn't work out with my first wife. :rant2:

lev
10-06-04, 11:07 PM
alot of it depends on religon , years ago living with your "other half" was living in sin

As opposed to now when it's not living in sin ...


I always believed if the relationship was in trouble that both man and woman needed to comprimise or fix what is wrong.

I always believed that relationship was about compromising and fixing what is wrong. The phrase "I want" should disappear from you lexicon, once you're in a mutual loving relationship. Having things in common is essential of course, but it is the bond between the two that makes a person forfeit something for the other party.


Marriage is like the formal declaration that your other half is your soulmate and you are both exclusive (unless were talking about Utah). Pledgeing to be with each other for life regardless of what life throws at you. Bound by church, god, and state ......

That was the purest and beautifullest definition of marriage so far on this entire board.


I talk to lots of people around here (central Florida) , they get married only if sex is good, I just don't place much value on something like that, if a marriage is based on sex how can it work without infidelity?

Those people you just described are not man and wife, they are egotists and weak pansies, because only weak pansies run off when times are tough. Tough times strengthen us.

Wouldn't it be nice if your girl was your first love, first date, first kiss, first serious relationship, first marriage, first woman if you know what I mean.
If two people do something personal together for the very first time, it creates bonds that, in my opinion, do not weather under circumstances and curveballs life throws at them.

Just an opinion.

daacon
10-06-04, 11:08 PM
Well just to lighten it up ....my wife is against me living with my girlfriend :rant2: .....and my Priest is against me living my boyfriend ..... :bonkers: .

Been married (in a church and everything) 18 years and counting....lived in "sin" with her for a couple years before we "made it offical" (like it has been said see how the toothpaste gets squeezed, is the toilet paper comming from the front or back ..ya know the behind closed doors thing ) Actually neither of us are bothered by those type of things ....hell half the time I get new roll of TP I just leave it on the counter (where my longs arm come in handy :D )

Prefer marriage myself - but gotta be the right one :thumbsup:

Ralph
10-06-04, 11:22 PM
of us are bothered by those type of things ....hell half the time I get new roll of TP I just leave it on the counter (where my longs arm come in handy

You too! LOL! I'm kinda enjoying my temporary bachelorhood. It's cool to be able to make a pot roast at mignight. :shhh: Or French fries late at night. :yup:

p.s. I haven't forgot about the RH neg. info as I'm still looking through my books occasionally.

illumina
10-06-04, 11:31 PM
IMO, you had damned better know who you are with before you commit to living with him or her.

a guy i know knew his wife a cool 4 weeks before they got married! they met at a restaurant (she was a waitress), some how hit it off in between meals, and have been married now for 4 years. in my observation, this thing will not last. they always seem to ba at each others throats, and to top things off, they have 2 children together. not to include the 2 she had from a previous relationship.

anyways, it just seems like a big mess waiting to happen (im not speaking out of my ass here) when you don't know each other for at least a little while.

tru504187211
10-07-04, 03:16 AM
To become one with that person, a bond which no man created can break, except in the event of marital unfaithfulness.

barge master
10-07-04, 05:09 AM
I have always observed the dynamics that occur between couples I know to learn from their mistakes or successes. I've concluded that a lot of people end up together for the wrong reasons, like thinking the other is going to fulfill some idealistic image of what a partner should be. I've also seen that many think marriage will fix a flawed relationship. The day I got married a person whom I respect gave me a one word piece of advice:Patience.
My wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, I'd be lost without her, but she is far from perfect. I'm no prince charming to deal with either sometimes. The one thing we've kept in mind is to try not to take ourselves too seriously, and to use that word patience a lot.

T_Dogg8
10-07-04, 08:32 AM
my gf and i have talked a lot about this. we don't want to 'take away' from anything if/when we get married. my brother lived with his wife almost right away and then they got married 2 years later. the night after his wedding i was at his house with a few of his friends and they said something about adjusting and he was like 'well we've lived together for 2 years.' and that made me think. i don't want my marriage to be 'just another day'. my gf and i spend enough time together and spend the night together and go on vacations enough to know each other's habits without living together. it wouldn't surprise me if we lived together next year, but if we do it'll be because we're already engaged and it will be only to save money. but in a perfect world, i'd keep doing what we're doing now and wait until we're married to live together.

JohnnyO
10-07-04, 09:19 AM
A guy I used to work with lived with his girlfriend for about two years. They got married and somehow neither one of them could handle the "pressure" :rolleyes: and they split up within a month. Best advice I ever got was that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. It has to be more like 60/60, both people have to give a little extra.

Rolex
10-07-04, 06:55 PM
My wife is my best friend in the whole world. We lived together (bought a house together) before we got married, which is non-traditional but more normal now then it has ever been IMO (and saves rent on two houses...which I know doesn't make it "right"). For some reason tying the knot is different from just cohabitating. I used to really worry about "how do you know" when you should be married. Every married guy I asked that question to just told me "you just KNOW."

Picture your life without your partner....would it suck? I think men who are terrified of marriage let their ego get to them.....ie: when they're single they want to settle down and get married, and when they settle down with one woman, they worry about what they're missing out on and want to be single again. When you learn to love the things that used to drive you crazy about your partner you are probably ready to get married (funny but true). ;)

Marriage (and a wedding ring) is supposed to be an outward symbol of your total love and devotion to one person. There are never any guarantees when you get married (that's why people divorce). Both parties involved have to work at keeping the marriage together, but it shouldn't be a "job." I would suggest if you think you couldn't stand to be with a person for the rest of your life, you probably shouldn'y marry that person. Personally I couldn't imagine my life without my wife in it....it would definatley suck.

Jesda
10-08-04, 04:53 AM
I dont know people can share confined spaces with others. If I were married, my wife and I would have two houses on one big plot of land. We'd meet up for dinner and sex then go home. Im a loud snorer anyway.

barge master
10-08-04, 06:56 AM
Rolex, you hit it on the head IMO. It can only feel like work in the sense of creating something more solid and fulfilling. I had gone through a ton of women and one short lived marriage before I'd met my wife. I had a feeling deep in my gut on our first date that we were strongly connected to each other. It hasn't been easy some days, but in spite of a lot of challenges and ups and downs, our union strengthens. Anybody who says it's easy is on crack, but when you get the right girl, the memories of single life aren't so appealing anymore.

T_Dogg8
10-08-04, 08:50 AM
i know what you guys mean. i couldn't imagine my life without my gf. i don't think being single is very appealing and i could imagine spending the rest of my life with her. whenever i think about my life without her, there might be one or two things that would be better, but they would be better for a short time, and there are literally thousands of times it would much much worse forever.