: Best classified ad ever



MudAnt
08-31-10, 01:59 AM
While browsing though some various ads on my local Kijiji, I believe I have come across the most incredible description of an '89 Caprice ever written:

http://edmonton.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-cars-trucks-Classic-Chick-Magnet-for-sale-W0QQAdIdZ220726453#

77CDV
08-31-10, 02:03 AM
It could well be a chick magnet....if the chicks in question fondly remember voting for FDR for his first term!

MudAnt
08-31-10, 02:20 AM
Looks like he went for a more timid approach for his second ad:

http://edmonton.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-cars-trucks-1989-Chevrolet-Caprice-Sedan-Price-Lowered-W0QQAdIdZ225952694

Night Wolf
08-31-10, 09:15 AM
Quite an interesting way to polish a turd

ted tcb
08-31-10, 09:50 AM
A coworker showed me this Craigslist ad for a Nissan Xterra last week.


" OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for
> purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was
> possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow,
> this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
>
> It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that
> adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It
> wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No,
> that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're
> looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I
> mean it. Just stop.
>
> This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the
> highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats
> death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy
> boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost),
> heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt),
> or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).
>
> No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super
> action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's
> got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid
> kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of
> whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite
> down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an
> automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists,
> you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and
> drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
>
> It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to
> the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch
> to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also
> just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by
> The Man.
>
> My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll
> entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up
> and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a
> Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered
> eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the
> prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
>
> There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet
> Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will
> carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
>
> Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged,
> no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double,
> then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just
> chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do,
> we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen
> to Johnny Cash.
>
> To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer
> pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular
> pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
> "

The Tony Show
08-31-10, 10:08 AM
This has been one of my favorite internet memes for a while- the outrageously over-excited ad for a shitty product.

Stingroo
08-31-10, 12:57 PM
Free hammer pants, eh? Slightly intrigued.

The-Dullahan
08-31-10, 03:54 PM
Hah. Those silly Chevy owners. :bigroll:

greencadillacmatt
08-31-10, 10:32 PM
This is one of my favorites. It's an ad for a Postal Jeep Grille I found on Craigslist.

Postal Jeep Grille - $20 (Farmington Hills)

I don't know anything about these. But I have one. As much as I've enjoyed it taking up space in my garage, I would rather not have it anymore.

If you buy it and bolt it to the front of your sweet rat rod, everyone will ask you where you got it. And you can tell them you got it from this guy in Farmington Hills.

Or maybe you're restoring a postal Jeep. People probably do that, right?

It's solid. Really solid. That's about all I know. It has some vertical slots in it, in the grandest Jeep tradition. I've never owned a Jeep, but I understand they are just delightful.

You could make a coffee table out of it. But then your coffee would probably fall between the slots. So I wouldn't recommend that. You'll end up staining the carpet.

Come to think of it, it's so solid that I bet you could mount your 40 inch plasma TV on it. After that I'm not sure what you'd do next, but you're clever and you'll figure it out.

Ooh. What if you owned one of those restaurants that has kitschy stuff bolted to the walls? If bolted to such a wall, this grille would probably inspire people to buy more appetizers. I'm just guessing. But aren't appetizers your real profit center after all?

Want a sweet grille? Email me! Seriously. It's solid.

MudAnt
08-31-10, 11:32 PM
So it's just a grille from a Jeep?

ga_etc
08-31-10, 11:43 PM
This is one of my favorites. It's an ad for a Postal Jeep Grille I found on Craigslist.

Postal Jeep Grille - $20 (Farmington Hills)

I don't know anything about these. But I have one. As much as I've enjoyed it taking up space in my garage, I would rather not have it anymore.

If you buy it and bolt it to the front of your sweet rat rod, everyone will ask you where you got it. And you can tell them you got it from this guy in Farmington Hills.

Or maybe you're restoring a postal Jeep. People probably do that, right?

It's solid. Really solid. That's about all I know. It has some vertical slots in it, in the grandest Jeep tradition. I've never owned a Jeep, but I understand they are just delightful.

You could make a coffee table out of it. But then your coffee would probably fall between the slots. So I wouldn't recommend that. You'll end up staining the carpet.

Come to think of it, it's so solid that I bet you could mount your 40 inch plasma TV on it. After that I'm not sure what you'd do next, but you're clever and you'll figure it out.

Ooh. What if you owned one of those restaurants that has kitschy stuff bolted to the walls? If bolted to such a wall, this grille would probably inspire people to buy more appetizers. I'm just guessing. But aren't appetizers your real profit center after all?

Want a sweet grille? Email me! Seriously. It's solid.

I want it, because it's solid. I could use that in my life. Not a Jeep grille, just something, you know, solid. Or a new coffee table. Either way.

Night Wolf
09-01-10, 12:22 AM
I keep this ad on my toolbox at work

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e363/InoventionsEast/misc/cid__0831102110_01.jpg

ga_etc
09-01-10, 01:12 AM
Ummm, wow. Poor Metro.

greencadillacmatt
09-01-10, 01:37 AM
^My sentiments exactly.

nickc50310
09-01-10, 11:45 AM
Those are very good ones but here are my two favorites:

BE SURE TO READ THE COMMENTS! http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/19/the-most-amazing-craigsli_n_468664.html

Stingroo
09-01-10, 12:32 PM
Box one - hilarious.
Roommate one - not so much.

nickc50310
09-01-10, 02:35 PM
Box one - hilarious.
Roommate one - not so much.


oh cmon!


this place has windows so you can see outside and shit. WHATSUP NEIGHBORS??



LMAO! It is dumb but funny to me for some reason.....

Stingroo
09-01-10, 06:59 PM
http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/wan/1930028084.html

MudAnt
09-02-10, 02:30 AM
http://jacksonville.craigslist.org/wan/1930028084.html

A+, would read again


Box one - hilarious.
Roommate one - not so much.

Agreed- It had great potential, but they tried a little too hard. Mediocre vocabulary as well.