: girl advice. long post!



molotovman
07-15-10, 03:04 AM
sorry guys i didnt know where else to turn so i turned to you guys. Yeah im an old dude I just turned 23 years old. I met this chick back in February, we started hanging out maybe once a month untill recently we started hanging out like 4 times a week i get all the signs that she likes me, but in the other hand she also gives me signs that she is not interested.
here is what makes it seem she likes me.

1 she introduced me to her family
2 she blushes when i see her eat
3 she copys my body movement without noticing
4 she laughs at the dumest things i say
5 she gives me full eye contact
6 she is always trying to be close to me
7 she hits me in my shoulder playing around
8 she has been spending lots of time with me this past 2 weeks
9 she has shared some secrets with me that she claims only a few know
10 last weekend we where at a friends house and she put her legs on top of mine. and was snuggling on me.
11 every time I invite her anywhere she says yes.
12 she pays half the time we go out.

Now things that make it seem that she is not interested
1.
today i text her that if she wanted to go to the movies tomorrow she said yes, I replied "its a date" she replied "lets not call it a date im not ready to date" then i followed like "i ment date as in plan stop playing hard to get! LOL"
She replied "im not" notice the "not ready to date"

2.
We are both in another car forum and today some other girl joined and made a welcome thread I was know there back in the day for being the guy flirt on new girls (she does not know that) some guys commented look at molotov hitting on her already, she later replied maybe *NEWGIRL* should hit on molotov since she is not bad looking. notice she is trying to hook me up with another chick

3.
There was a convo about girl members on that site posting nudes, she claimed she was a good girl and would never post pics like that, I said i those girls are hard to come by with a smiley with little hearts. she replied "you like the rare girls" I said "i do but the rare girls dont like me" she replied

"Hey I like you, Cheer up!

You'll find that rare girl that's just right for you

I'm still waiting...i have been waiting 4ever..
I will hold on a little bit more before I explode in to tiny pieces. lol jk"

wich makes me believe she is not interested since she told me i will find that girl some day.

4. guys call her molotov's girl and she gets all defensive that we are just friends.

5 one time she told me that she likes me, because all of her guy friends hit on her except for me! which makes me believe she dosent want me to hit on her...


Honestly i was going to tell her that i liked her and that i wanted to be more than friends tomorrow but the not ready to date comment she made today really killed it. What do you guys think i should do be aggressive tomorrow hold her hand and keep her close, give her space, or ?????

-thanks guys!

BTW when i first met her in feb i was 200lbs with a body fat of mid 20's, 5 months later im down to 171Lbs and a 13 BF with decent muscles lol we have hung out like a total of 15 times and 10 being in the last 2 weeks or so

dkozloski
07-15-10, 03:34 AM
Whack her upside the head with your club and drag her into the bushes by her hair.

molotovman
07-15-10, 03:35 AM
in the state of Arizona i think we call that assault lol

ben.gators
07-15-10, 04:56 AM
So you are from Arizona too, nice to see people from here. May I ask which city? (please skip this question and forget it if you are not comfortable to answer). I live in Tempe.

About the problem you described, as far as I know (I am not a very experienced guy myself) a girl will not spend such a long time with a guy, except she likes him. About the signs that you listed as indicators of no interest, I should say most of them are not a very big deal. Some of them are just because of jealousy to other girls, more precisely I am speaking about number 2. She never ever wants to hook you up with another girl, instead she is very jealous of your relationship with another girl. Girls sometimes uses the reverse action to say their desire. We guys are straightforward, but girls are reverse, she is so jealous of the other girl that she is acting like hooking up you two together. NEVER EVER conclude from her action that she wants you to be connected with that girl! This is a fatal mistake from you....

Girls are so jealous of each other that hardly introduce a good girl to their guy friend. Just sisters, or very very near friends do so! And I do not think this is your case.

About her fear from moving forward and being more than friends, I can say that may be she is just afraid of it now, or maybe she is not ready now. We guys, have a *** between our legs that is 100% ready for s-e-x anytime, anywhere with almost any girl. But girls are not. If you like her, and if you think she deserves you, be patient and give her more time to feel more comfortable with you.... And by the way, meanwhile do not remain idle, try to improve your relationship with her by providing her more love, more care, more feelings, more support, "Do not wait until the flag of BF-GF goes on, instead keep going on your relationship....

And by the way, in like list, the last item, "12 she pays half the time we go out." does not necessarily belong to that list! :D

ben.gators
07-15-10, 05:06 AM
BTW, is she the same girl that your were speaking about her in your first thread here?

Stingroo
07-15-10, 08:04 AM
Whack her upside the head with your club and drag her into the bushes by her hair.

This seems the most time-effective solution.

Option two would be dragging by the legs.

ewill3rd
07-15-10, 08:09 AM
Explain to her that you are not capable of being her friend without having romantic feelings. It would be honest based on what I see.
The other alternative is to adjust your mindset and realize that she wants to be close friends and if you really want romantic involvement then look elsewhere.

You are looking for romance and apparently she is not. Even if she is being coy or hard to get, trying to do what you seem to be will destroy your relationship with her.

The only real alternative is to be frank with her, tell her that you can be friends with her if that is what she wants but you have been picking up clues from her that you interpret as her being interested.
Women are complex creatures but instead of getting wrapped up in silly mind games just be honest. Even if she can't appreciate it and she terminates your friendship you told her what you think and what you feel and you can't go wrong doing that.

mitchjagger
07-15-10, 09:21 AM
All good advise, except for the dragging her into the bushes. I personally would play it cool and keep doing what you are doing. If anything is going to happen let it happen naturally, you don't want to force anything, it could scare her away.

OffThaHorseCEO
07-15-10, 10:08 AM
If you look up some of my old posts you'll see i was in this exact situation a few years back. A girl i liked "was not ready for a relationship, with anyone".

I made it clear i liked her, and we continued to hang out. We went everywhere together, so we got to know each other. I eventually got tired of the one-sided-ness and started talking to another girl. The other girl came to see me at work and we started seeing each other more. "My" girl got really jealous and finally admitted that she liked me and wanted to be with me. We've been together for 4 years now.

What i think is, some girls want to "date" you without having the title and without the sex. To some girls sex complicates things, and changes people, and I've actually seen examples of that. If you're patient, keep taking her out. Make it clear you like her. Let her get to know you. If you're gonna make her pay her way at least make it SEEM like you intended to pay in the first place haha.

if you get tired of waiting, start talkin' to another girl! haha.

HAZZARDJOHN
07-15-10, 10:17 AM
Dude, you already lost IMO. You transitioned into the friend zone. I guarantee she already knows you like her, the fact that she toys with you and seems to be ok with it lets you know a little bit about her character. Stop playing her Girlfriend and man up. You have three choices,

1. Tell her how you feel and let the cards fall where they may. (best solution, if she likes you great, if she doesn't at least you know and instead of anguishing over it, you can start to move on. Both are tough, but at least the moving on part has finality.

B. Don’t tell her how you feel and stop seeing her cause you can’t handle this and she is walking all over you

&. Stay in the friend Zone and learn to hold down your emotions (not a good idea as this will lead to you exploding on her someday). Also if you go this route, you should shave your pits and legs, cause you are going to be wearing a brides maid dress at her wedding.

FTR, I have been there and done that. I have seen it done to others; this is a recipe for disaster. Sorry if this sounds rough but it is true, and I wish someone would have said it to me when I was younger.

~HJ

Stingroo
07-15-10, 10:32 AM
LOL @ shave your pits and legs. That's terrible.

Yet hilarious. :histeric:

V-Eight
07-15-10, 11:40 AM
5 one time she told me that she likes me, because all of her guy friends hit on her except for me! which makes me believe she dosent want me to hit on her...




This is the biggest one, and you're interpreting it wrong. I think she's saying this because she wants you to, or at least she wants some signs that you ar sexually attracted to her. Do you ever touch her, even in a playful context? If not start there, and then start to escalate. You're getting some pretty solid IOIs so I'd say go for it man.

drewsdeville
07-15-10, 12:03 PM
Dude, you already lost IMO. You transitioned into the friend zone. I guarantee she already knows you like her, the fact that she toys with you and seems to be ok with it lets you know a little bit about her character. Stop playing her Girlfriend and man up. You have three choices,

1. Tell her how you feel and let the cards fall where they may. (best solution, if she likes you great, if she doesn't at least you know and instead of anguishing over it, you can start to move on. Both are tough, but at least the moving on part has finality.

B. Don’t tell her how you feel and stop seeing her cause you can’t handle this and she is walking all over you

&. Stay in the friend Zone and learn to hold down your emotions (not a good idea as this will lead to you exploding on her someday). Also if you go this route, you should shave your pits and legs, cause you are going to be wearing a brides maid dress at her wedding.

FTR, I have been there and done that. I have seen it done to others; this is a recipe for disaster. Sorry if this sounds rough but it is true, and I wish someone would have said it to me when I was younger.

~HJ

Though it's attempted by many, I don't see "&", or staying in the friends zone, being a reasonable option, at least right now. If you have to "hold down" your emotions, having ANY kind of relationship isn't going to work or isn't going to be enjoyabl in the long run. That includes being friends or enemies, and anything in between.

In my opinion, "&" CAN happen, but for your sake either #1 or dragging her behind the bushes has to happen first. Then at least you are no longer hiding emotions. If it doesn't work out but some sort of relationship sustains after that, then friends is a viable option.

Why? Because relationships are all about enjoyment. That's the bottom line. If you play around with this too much, as in hiding your emotions, you'll never be able to fully enjoy whatever results. You obviously like where this has been heading and that's all that counts. So press on, keep it going.

Just do what you feel is right. Don't let us decide your fate. Don't try to overthink the whole thing.

Jesda
07-15-10, 12:07 PM
I feel that Florian would have some solid advice.

I say, find new p****. This isn't happening.

gdwriter
07-15-10, 12:31 PM
I have been frequently been put into the "friend" category, and you can either accept that's all it's going to be or tell her you want more and let her say yes or no. Don't leave yourself in limbo. I've retained some as friends and walked away from others.

It has been my experience that many women in their 20s are flaky and don't know what they want. Such types like to play games and toy with you because it gives them the upper hand. I have absolutely no use for women like that and refuse to play along. I'm also very up front about that. My last girlfriend had her shit together and never played stupid games. Although we got along great and enjoyed each other's company, after six months, she recognized that if she hadn't developed any romantic feelings for me, she wasn't going to, and she ended it. It hurt like hell because I had fallen in love with her and was ready to tell her that, but I appreciated her honesty.

At 44, I'm at a different stage in life, and I wouldn't even pursue a woman younger than 35, although I'd rather have a woman closer to my own age. There are still flakes at any age (and men can be flaky, too), but there's less game-playing bullshit.

dkozloski
07-15-10, 03:44 PM
Being truthful is the high road. Tell her how the cow ate the cabbage. You're playing her and she's playing you. Until somebody breaks out with some truth you're heading for a big drama scene.

Rolex
07-15-10, 04:46 PM
You're drawing dead bud. Find another chick that deserves your romantic interest, preferably a girl that doesn't play little head games.

RightTurn
07-15-10, 04:53 PM
:food-snacking:

billc83
07-15-10, 05:19 PM
When in doubt, whip it out.

drewsdeville
07-15-10, 05:22 PM
When in doubt, whip it out.

hahahahaaha :histeric:

RightTurn
07-15-10, 08:46 PM
I love these threads. :rofl:

ewill3rd
07-15-10, 08:51 PM
I figured RT would be in here sooner or later... :lol:

RightTurn
07-15-10, 08:53 PM
I figured RT would be in here sooner or later... :lol:

Hiya, Bill. :heart: How's your Dad these days?

Rolex
07-15-10, 08:53 PM
:food-snacking:


I love these threads. :rofl:


I figured RT would be in here sooner or later... :lol:

:yeah:

I~LUV~Caddys8792
07-15-10, 08:56 PM
When in doubt, whip it out.

Yep. If she's worth keeping around she'll play along with it, if not, she'll file harassment charges and it's time you skip town for a while. :lol:

ewill3rd
07-15-10, 09:40 PM
He is doing pretty good.
I think he got his prosthesis, he is about 100 pounds lighter (he was really overweight) and I think he is 5 weeks ahead on his physial therapy.
He was tired today because he has had a lot of activity this week.

(don't want to hijack the thread though ;) )

I'd say there is a good range of advice here, what say you on who's right? (or do you dare comment)

RightTurn
07-15-10, 10:41 PM
He is doing pretty good.
I think he got his prosthesis, he is about 100 pounds lighter (he was really overweight) and I think he is 5 weeks ahead on his physial therapy.
He was tired today because he has had a lot of activity this week.

(don't want to hijack the thread though ;) )

I'd say there is a good range of advice here, what say you on who's right? (or do you dare comment)

Glad to hear your Dad is doing better.

As far as advice to the lovelorn...I always say honesty is the best policy. I liked your answer on the subject.

ewill3rd
07-16-10, 08:25 AM
I am getting old... :lol:

When I was 23 I doubt I would have said that.

Patrick7997
07-16-10, 04:39 PM
Move on, dude.... Not happening.

Start seeing other women. If that forces her to make a move, so be it, but don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen....

Don't fall into these game traps.... Just leads to more games, then a lifetime of games...

Unless you enjoy that sort of drama. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Me? No. Enough drama finds me all by itself... I don't need to create more...

Frost
07-16-10, 05:13 PM
So,,, racy parlor games, like Nude Twister, or Musical Face are pretty well out of the question at this point. Coming from a long background of girlfirends, serious long-term noodling partners and even marriage, I can tell you that she is playing you for a patsy at this point.

Man up, cut it loose and get back inthe game. You'll be all the better for it!

I~LUV~Caddys8792
07-16-10, 05:20 PM
You could always just flat out ask her if she's DTF or is looking for a FWB. Hell, if she says no, you're in no worse position than you currently are.

OffThaHorseCEO
07-16-10, 06:00 PM
You could always just flat out ask her if she's DTF or is looking for a FWB. Hell, if she says no, you're in no worse position than you currently are.

DTF haha. BAMF acronym

I~LUV~Caddys8792
07-16-10, 06:02 PM
If she blows up at you, you could tell her you're a Cadillac fan and were talking about the Deville DTS or Fleetwood Brougham. :lol:

molotovman
07-16-10, 06:56 PM
If she blows up at you, you could tell her you're a Cadillac fan and were talking about the Deville DTS or Fleetwood Brougham. :lol:

lol!!!

Update:

We went out, and had a great time we saw a movie and laughed all night, We also went to dinner and she insisted on paying. When i dropped her off i asked her for a kiss on the cheek, when she went to kiss me i turned my head and got a small peck on the lips. (haha) She said "no" but laughing and then proceeded to give me another kiss in the cheek. I know she is not mad since she was texting me this morning.

Now I know for a fact she is into me, but is afraid to be hurt again. Guess her ex cheated on her.
any advice on how to prove to her i wont be another cheating as$ hole?
im 23 she is going to be 21 in november

ewill3rd
07-16-10, 09:32 PM
You can't prove that beforehand.
Just because people were hurt before doesn't give them the right to paint you with that brush.
With love comes risk and vulnerability. If she can't accept that then don't bother.
Again honesty is the best policy here.

Destroyer
07-17-10, 12:43 AM
This is the biggest one, and you're interpreting it wrong. I think she's saying this because she wants you to, or at least she wants some signs that you ar sexually attracted to her. Do you ever touch her, even in a playful context? If not start there, and then start to escalate. You're getting some pretty solid IOIs so I'd say go for it man.BINGO! She is asking for it, give it to her! :cool2:

ben.gators
07-17-10, 05:23 AM
Take her to a late night party, and dance with her + a lot of wine, it will melt all her guards, and during the party and dance try to break all of the taboos, e.g. kissing, touching her.... You can direct the relationship to the way you like, be active, not the passive partner in the relationship....

(This idea coming from a drunk guy, so watch out! :D :alchi:) What the hell was the wine that the waiter give me after I asked him to choose the type of wine! I never ever have had such a strong wine before....:alchi::alchi::alchi:

ewill3rd
07-17-10, 12:55 PM
Wow what thoughtful and heartfelt advice,

Get her drunk
Club her over the head
Whip it out.

Dear God!
I'm glad I don't have a daughter :lol:

ben.gators
07-17-10, 03:49 PM
Wow what thoughtful and heartfelt advice,

Get her drunk
Club her over the head
Whip it out.

Dear God!
I'm glad I don't have a daughter :lol:

I am totally innocent,the wine was too strong last night! :alchi: :histeric:

And by the way, as far as I know and read from dating books, the important stage in moving the relationship forward is starting the physical contact. And one of suggested ways is to go dancing, (after warming up with some wine :alchi:).

My real life observation from last night endorses this claim too, but I did not try, i was just sitting in one corner and :alchi: :histeric:

the recluse
07-18-10, 01:13 PM
There's only one problem with the "Get her drunk, club her, and whip it out" scenario:


im 23 she is going to be 21 in november

So unless anyone is promoting underage drinking :sneaky: that is not something you would want to suggest, right? ;)

RightTurn
07-18-10, 02:19 PM
And by the way, as far as I know and read from dating books, ...

LMAO. :lol:

billc83
07-18-10, 03:39 PM
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41J38DX4ZML._SL160_AA115_.jpg

molotovman
07-19-10, 06:32 AM
Thanks guys!
Well im done with this crazy chick! we hung out on Thursday we had a great time like always. I decided to give her the silent treatment as in no contact with her, and today on another forum she claims to have a new BF, I know she is lying since she text me today before she mentioned her new BF asking me about my day. I think this chick just wants to see how i react. I will just plainly stop initiating conversations if she text me i will give her short answers, and if she asks me to hangout I will just tell her im busy or that her BF might not approve. If she is truly interested she can come to me......

Rolex
07-19-10, 06:36 AM
Thanks guys!
Well im done with this crazy chick! we hung out on Thursday we had a great time like always. I decided to give her the silent treatment as in no contact with her, and today on another forum she claims to have a new BF, I know she is lying since she text me today before she mentioned her new BF asking me about my day. I think this chick just wants to see how i react. I will just plainly stop initiating conversations if she text me i will give her short answers, and if she asks me to hangout I will just tell her im busy or that her BF might not approve. If she is truly interested she can come to me......

Atta boy. Keep that stuff up and you'll have her wrapped around your little finger in no time. ;)

That girl is into the head games. The quickest way to run her off is to act desperate like you're WAY into her.

nickc50310
07-19-10, 10:40 AM
10 to 15 times and no kiss or relations? Not gonna happen.

Lupin
07-19-10, 10:45 AM
Does she have a facebook? Look at her relationship business.

molotovman
07-19-10, 03:30 PM
Does she have a facebook? Look at her relationship business.

it has been set to "married" since I met her, she also has "proud parent" but has no kids. I'm just gonna wait it out.

orconn
07-19-10, 05:11 PM
Why bother waiting on this girl? Sound as though she is a bag of "fail." With your new physique and experience you should have no problem seeking new company!

nickc50310
07-19-10, 05:21 PM
Thanks guys!
Well im done with this crazy chick! we hung out on Thursday we had a great time like always. I decided to give her the silent treatment as in no contact with her, and today on another forum she claims to have a new BF, I know she is lying since she text me today before she mentioned her new BF asking me about my day. I think this chick just wants to see how i react. I will just plainly stop initiating conversations if she text me i will give her short answers, and if she asks me to hangout I will just tell her im busy or that her BF might not approve. If she is truly interested she can come to me......


Awesome! Guess i should have read the other replies before I posted. I tried, i really did but this thread was full of suck until Chad's DTF statement! BWAHAHA!! Anyway, good work! Now dont give her any attention unless she confirms she is DTF. :thepan::highfive:BWAHAHAHA!!!

I~LUV~Caddys8792
07-19-10, 11:33 PM
I wish I could find me a good looking girl that was DTF ATT. Damn that'd be nice.

Even better if she would go A2M. :lildevil: :quagmire:

Lupin
07-20-10, 09:37 AM
If there's one thing I have learned in my travels, it is to NEVER wait for a woman. Confront her, be direct. I know it's a punch in the gut to get yourself to do it but it's the best way in either outcome. I got my girl by asking her over and by being as direct as possible. We've been happily together for half a year now.

nickc50310
07-20-10, 02:37 PM
I wish I could find me a good looking girl that was DTF ATT. Damn that'd be nice.

Even better if she would go A2M. :lildevil: :quagmire:

You have crossed the line. BWAHAHAHA!:canttalk::)

nickc50310
07-20-10, 02:47 PM
If there's one thing I have learned in my travels, it is to NEVER wait for a woman. Confront her, be direct. I know it's a punch in the gut to get yourself to do it but it's the best way in either outcome. I got my girl by asking her over and by being as direct as possible. We've been happily together for half a year now.


This! I waited for a girl for about a year and it was a huge mistake. I even dated and did things with other girls in the mean time and this one I was waiting on was always there. Then I started officially dating someone else and she flipped out. Stupidly, I dumped the girl (she was a bitch anyway) for the one I was waiting on. We dated for a couple months and it was stupid and pathetic, for many reasons. I told her to pound sand one night and never looked back. I started dating my current GF about a month later and we have been together for two years.

Lupin
07-21-10, 12:33 AM
Did I mention that my girlfriend drives a Cadillac? Clearly this means that I am correct and the direct method is the most scientifically awesome.

molotovman
07-31-10, 08:17 AM
Thought i would update you.......
I told her that i liked her and wanted to be more than friends and just got denied so /thread
thanks for those that helped I was afraid of rejection but for some reason it didn't phase me that much when it actually happened.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
07-31-10, 09:23 AM
Well that sucks, but I've been down that road before. As a matter of fact, the girl that I gave that line to most recently is a very good friend of mine now. So don't give up quite yet. What's your next step in the plan?

molotovman
07-31-10, 05:31 PM
Well i could had sworn and put money on it that she liked me. Last week she was drinking with her friends and out of no where she started texting me, she was obviously thinking of me, then followed by a good night phone call(she never does that). then she recently started texting me good night... I dont know if she is playing hard to get, but I will plainly just stop texting her. If she initiates contact i will keep it to a minimum. She denied me for a reason, but the point is that i got denied and if she is playing games im not for that. So i guess im moving on unless she is the one that asks me to be more than friends next time which will probably not happen. lol

Jesda
07-31-10, 05:33 PM
If you want a short-term girlfriend, find someone you like and treat her like dirt.

Stingroo
07-31-10, 05:36 PM
Next time you see her, whip it out and see where it goes from there.

:thumbsup:

Kev
07-31-10, 05:40 PM
If you want a short-term girlfriend, find someone you like and treat her like dirt.Ya know, you'd think that'd work in most cases ... just your luck, you'd end up with some poor, sick gal who can't seem to get enough abuse.

Jesda
08-01-10, 01:38 PM
http://www.q45.org/uploads2/Road%20Trip%202008/100_6052.JPG