I work at a Gas station/garage and we don't have public restrooms there; however, when I'm working alone, I always try to be nice and just let people use it anyway. Well this past Sunday (yesturday) I was working alone and this Japanese lady (in her late 30's or early 40's) parked her minivan on the side and came by wanting to use the bathroom. So I lent her the key, not thinking much of it.

Little did I know of the horrors that were to ensue later on. This is my account of what I think happened in that bathroom. The lady was just doing her business (number 2 apparently) when all of a sudden the Zorgon warriors of planet Xzython 5 opened up an inter-dimensional porthole which just so happened to end up in that very toilet bowl.

As the Zorgon warriors were trying to get through the portal to begin their invasion of earth, the leader bumped his head on her rear end. Startled, she jumped up off of the toilet and sprayed some urine on the floor.

When she looked back at the toilet there is an alien trying to climb out of it! The lady panics and goes for anything she can grab. She grabs the 2 fresh rolls of toilet paper and chucks them at the beast. The beast is just to fast though and dodges them easily. The rolls of toilet paper end up lodging themselves in the bottom of the toilet.

The Zorgon warrior then began to advance towards her. She's horrified now and cowers in the corner, pants still around her ankles. Then the warrior steps closer into the puddle of fresh urine she made. It burns him and his flesh begins to melt away from this new substance! That's when the light-bulb turned on in her head. The urine was his WEAKNESS! She knew she still had a pretty full bladder so she used it to her advantage, spraying urine all over him and everywhere else! She now had the upper hand and the beast was forced to retreat! He went back into the portal and back to his planet to call off the invasion.

She was happy that she had won the battle, but she wanted to be sure that they wouldn't come back. She used whatever was left in her bladder to do something truly ingenious; she coated the entire top of the toilet seat so whenever a Zorgon warrior tried to come out, they would be forced to touch the urine and just retreat back to whence they came. After that she cleaned herself up, washed her hands and presented the key back to me with a smirk on her face. She was proud of herself, which is well deserved since she single handedly put a halt to a large-scale alien invasion.

I never even knew any of this had happened until about an hour later, when I had to use the bathroom. I was like "WTF happened here?!?!" At first I was ticked off at her, because I now had a huge mess to clean up. But after thinking about how it happened and the epic battle that ensued just an hour earlier, now I just want to thank her for saving all of humanity.

So thank you asian lady, if you're out there reading this. No matter how much time I had to transfer from my work to cleaning that bathroom, it was worth it since we all will live another day.

That's just what I think happened... if it's not true, then I seriously don't know how to justify whatever she did in there.

I work at a gas station as well. As bad as it was, trust me, it could have been worse.... Props on the creative story. :thumbsup: I can only wonder what makes people do the things they do in "public" restrooms. You know good and well they would never do something like that at home, or at least you hope not anyway. Look on the bright side of things: when you get off work and are done dealing with all the weirdos that may wander through, you are still in Hawaii.

:postpics:

One of my daughters worked in housekeeping at a Holiday Inn. She didn't work there very long for these same reasons.

:postpics:

:yeah: It never happened without pics. :p

No pics!!! PLEASE no pics!!!!!

In a little town of 40,000 you'd think the lady might be recognized!

:postpics:

Hahaha! I didn't have my camera with me and taking pictures of that wasn't really going through my mind! This is more like what was going through my mind ==> :vomit:

I never saw her before so I dunno. I would definitely recognize her if I saw her again though. I used like half a bottle of clorox clean-up on everything, and to get the toilet paper rolls out of the toilet I grabbed a stick from a bush behind the building. After cleaning the bathroom I washed my hands a bunch of times, and then I removed the top layer of skin with a wirewheel, just to be sure... Ok, i made up the wirewheel part, but I was thinking about it!

^^ Buy a box of rubber gloves for that duty.

In a little town of 40,000 you'd think the lady might be recognized!


Little town of 40,000? What the hell? That's a freaking metropolis! There's about 700 where I live...

Little town of 40,000? What the hell? That's a freaking metropolis! There's about 700 where I live...


Sounds like my town lol....seriously not kidding.

Funny post! :thumbsup: Made me think of the scene in Wild Hogs:

Bobby Davis: You called The Firm? Clerk: Some truck driver must have crapped an entire cow in there, man. Good luck. I knew in my gut not to let him go, but I didn`t trust my instincts. I saw my father shot, but I did not cry till today. I was robbed yesterday, and I know now, your job is the bad one.

best story EVAR below (author unknown)

A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards.

It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.

I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...

Entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit. I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions. I began "The Move."

For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a ballet dancer.

I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.

In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed in Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass.

But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon. Now, back to the vomit...

While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.

In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid shit. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat. And there was no ****ing toilet paper.

What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing.

She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.

The manager then came back in with a half dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage of just slightly above.

At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose. Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door. The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.


F

That is a very good story. How many courics do you think your shit was?

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y193/inurok/2189568405_c1003315b0.jpg:hmm:

That is funny as hell and so wrong at the same time lol.

Florida is the worst. I can't seem to use a public restroom at a store, gas station, or rest area there that doesn't have sh*t and piss smeared all over the walls and on the floor.

ITS A HOLE IN A PORCELAIN BOWL. AIM FOR IT.

:postpics:

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y193/inurok/2189568405_c1003315b0.jpg:hmm:

Well you guys asked for it...


Note, pic is not for the squeamish.
http://www.hahakiri.com/wp-content/uploads/_DisgustingToiletEver.jpg


Here's one way to get every guy to wash his hands!
http://feministing.com/imageStorage/womansink.jpeg

I used to work in a convenience store and we did have public restrooms.

I won't share my story but lets just say that some homeless dude did something in our restroom that nearly made me barf and he plugged the sewer main for the whole building.
Sorry, no pictures.

One of my daughters has a husband and two of their children are boys...........In the downstairs "powder room" there is a small wooden plaque:

"My aim is to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim would help."

I have a sign in my bathroom at home that states "anything over 10 tons, lower by crane"


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