: Well....



DopeStar 156
03-06-08, 06:09 PM
.....after making a really depressing post in another thread which I now wish I hadn't done I guess I'm forced to explain where I've been for the last few weeks and what's been going on......

My fience and I are no more.....

Through a long and drawn out three weeks of twisted events that I don't want to go into anymore involving her, myself, and someone who I thought was a close personal friend, it has come to a close with her and him together and me alone with two people who want me to be their friend......sick....

She and I had some honesty issues on my part, just stupid shit I made up about myself for the sole purpose of making myself more interesting. Being that I clinically suffer from social anxiety disorder and paranoia (diagnosed) I have next to no confidence in my ability to make friends or start relationships on my own without some sort of a mask. This would explain why most if not everyone on here knows me only as "DopeStar."

When she had found out that there were many things about the person she had been dating and was engaged to for two years were untrue she got really upset and the stability of the relationship was put in danger. I had introduced her to some old friends of mine from high school about a month ago and she had started to get close to one particular person in that group. They had a conversation that in the end had revealed my secrets. Once she was informed she approached me and interrogated me as to what was fact and what was fiction. She also decided it was the appropriate time to inform me of a few key points in the relationship that she was unhappy with which if brought to my attention two ****ing months ago I could've done something to address, but since I guess I'm a world renowned psychic I should have known all along.

Through out a week and a half of spending time apart she came to the conclusion that she didn't want to be engaged anymore, and eventually that she didn't want to be with me anymore, however she wanted to continue to see me as a friend. As expected I went off on her in a hail of verbal gunfire then apologized later for it and said I would give being friends an honest try. It lasted a good three days until I found directions to my so called friend's house on the floor of her car, and a bunch of text messages from him on her cell phone. One of the messages in reference to March 2nd heavily suggested that the two of them had sex on that day. What's so screwed up about that is that's the DAY AFTER she broke up with me. So as soon as the shackles were off she ran to his dirty ass.....

In all honesty there's nothing in the world I'd rather do than go to his house and push my thumbs through his eyes but I'm expected to keep my head (and my thumbs) in the right place. After trying to propose we start over and try the relationship again from the beginning, then later begging for another chance, she has informed me that even though she "still cares for me," there is no longer any love for me and she doesn't want to date me.

Since she's now with my so called friend I can't even hang out with any of them because she'll be there. When I'm at school I have no where to go because I can't crash at her house anymore. When I'm at home I have no where to go because she's most likely out with MY friends. I feel like she screwed me and took most of my friends with her. There's nowhere I can go to escape the torment that rolls around inside my head. Everywhere I turn there's a momento of her or our relationship that stares me in the face. Whenever I'm alone it haunts my mind and the image of him on top of her projects itself in my head and can't be blocked out. I'm starting to lose it almost every second of every day and my ability to function during my day to day routine has been demolished. I seek help around every corner and no one can give me what I want. My mind has warped into two parts, one that hates her and one that wants her back. I'm living my life and making decisions based on coin flips alone and I can't take it anymore. The thought of committing myself has come up at least two dozen times in the last 48 hours and it's gotten to the point where I have pamphlets on crisis centers and to top it all off my social anxiety/paranoia dessert combo is worse than ever and has left me in a state where I can't even talk to people so there goes my ability to "find another fish in the sea......"

The lesson here is don't make someone your entire world because they can take it all with them when they go......

JC316
03-06-08, 06:23 PM
Damn, I am sorry to hear that man. My advice here is to let it go. She obviously doesn't care that much about you if she would do this and your friends aren't friends if they would do that to you. I would NEVER do that to someone that I called a friend.

NOT ON MY WATCH
03-06-08, 06:24 PM
Dopestar. Really sorry to hear about your situation. Breakups are painful and life will suck for awhile - quite some time perhaps if your circle of friends has been impacted - but time will pass and one day you will meet someone else - someone better in every way. In other words, love will hit you upside the head with a 2 x 4 when you least expect it.

I realize you're probably not in the mood to hear this, but since you posted details - you have to expect older and somewhat wiser folks to respond (yes, I'm including myself in that batch).

The lesson isn't primarily about not making someone else your entire world - it's about learning to forge relationships based in honesty. Yes, we all tell little white lies to make the world go more smoothly, but making things up about yourself is not going to allow you to build a trusting and lasting relationship. When someone makes up lies about themselves and their significant other discovers it - it is a slap in the face and you are a very lucky person if they will forgive you fully.

Again, I know this isn't probably what you want to hear, but you need to focus on yourself right now and involve yourself in POSITIVE things - and things that will help you better yourself. You're still a young guy - plenty of time to focus on a new hobby or daily regimen (try something artistic, lift weights, study martial arts, etc.). Set some new goals for yourself and get disciplined about your daily routine.

Also, you might try writing things out - that helps a lot of people when they are feeling overwhelmed by events and emotions. Just the act of writing seems cathartic. Just don't obsess over things too much - you're young and have a whole spectacular life ahead of you.

Chin up, bud!

ejguillot
03-06-08, 06:27 PM
Whoa! Slow down and don't do anything stupid, OK? While having a relationship end like that sucks (and there's no way around it), it's not worth having it dominate your world from now on. Take it a day at a time, and remember that you have some good friends here on the forum.

While this is the first time I've replied to one of your threads, I do enjoy what you post and would say that you're one of the better forum members. :)

RightTurn
03-06-08, 06:34 PM
So sorry to hear this, DS. Take care of yourself, please. :gurl:

nickc50310
03-06-08, 06:34 PM
Damn DS sorry to hear it.

Youre much better than those dirtbags anyway. I know it hurts but just hang in there. It will get better, I promise friend!

If she is gonna pull some shit like that, that skag aint worth your time obviously.

If your friend did that shit to you he is just a worthless POS and will likely get his ass kicked pretty bad at some point. Personally, I would stomp him out if I was you.

DopeStar 156
03-06-08, 06:38 PM
Also, you might try writing things out - that helps a lot of people when they are feeling overwhelmed by events and emotions. Just the act of writing seems cathartic.

In one day I completely filled a 5 subject notebook, cover to cover with my feelings and emotions expressed into words and depressed/enfuriated drawings....

I even wrote on the manilla colored parts.....

dkozloski
03-06-08, 06:45 PM
Give it a couple of days and the edge goes off. The day will come when you'll look back at this and be damned glad you got out with a whole skin. There could be kids or debts or the lord knows what involved.

gary88
03-06-08, 06:46 PM
Damn man, I'm real sorry to hear about that. Time heals everything, just keep your head up and make the best of each day.

NOT ON MY WATCH
03-06-08, 06:53 PM
In one day I completely filled a 5 subject notebook, cover to cover with my feelings and emotions expressed into words and depressed/enfuriated drawings....

I even wrote on the manilla colored parts.....

Writing is great, but you need to make sure you're doing OTHER THINGS - POSITIVE THINGS.

Do not let yourself get sucked into obsession about this. Yes, I realize it sounds like I'm asking the impossible, but most if not all of us have been through at least one terrible breakup in our lives, and we all came out the other side. I also realize your emotional/social/mental challenges make this more difficult - you are likely at the point where you do need to talk to a counselor if you are unable to focus on anything else.

Whatever you can do to involve yourself in other activities is really important right now. Maybe there is a friend or relative you could hang out with for awhile - whether you talk about things with them or not isn't critical (might be helpful, but isn't critical). Getting your mind *naturally* (no doobies) into a calmer and positive state *is* critical.

CadillacGurl
03-06-08, 07:00 PM
I'm so sorry Dope. Similar to Notonmywatch said, focus on your job. Work you way up :) Also setting goals and getting a new hobby always helps out.

Lord Cadillac
03-06-08, 07:00 PM
It's bad, but it could be worse (as others have mentioned).. Hang in there....

DLE
03-06-08, 07:28 PM
Hang in there man, it'll get better! I promise!




P.S. Go to a titty bar. :)

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-06-08, 07:47 PM
I remember when I got ****ed over by Samantha and Ellie about two years ago, you were there to help me Dope, and your solutions were great. So I know you've got it in you to get better and dig yourself out of this current emotional hole.

Sure, it'll take some time and it won't be fun, but I'm sure after a while you'll be 100% again.

The best of luck to you friend,

Chad.

Destroyer
03-06-08, 08:35 PM
Pheww, thats bad man and I'm sorry to hear it. I've been in your shoes though and I know the trauma you are experiencing. Make no mistake people this is a traumatic experience, worse I think than if a guy cheated on his girlfriend/wife. Of course the problem thickens with the fact that she is with your friend and that she is hanging with all your other friends because of it.

Thing is, IF you were ever to get back with her you would NEVER ever let her live this down, even if you promise her you will. What you have to do is man up, swallow it and pretend it doesn't bother you. Let her see it doesn't bother you and that it was her loss. Obviously you have to vent, you have to keep busy and keep your mind off it. I suggest working out, especially with a punching bag. In time you will find another girl, you are still very young. As much as this seems like the end of the world, it aint. No woman is worth what you are doing to yourself and your agony.

ahahnu
03-06-08, 09:32 PM
Wow, this is something that happens to alot of peope and when you read it, it brings back your own memories. I am truely sorry man. Love is a powerful emotion that just takes over and can make you blind. Atleast you lifted off the blinders to figure out what is best for you. If girlfriends and friends are like that then who need enemies? A person(s) like that is not who you need to be around anyway. You'll find people who have the same interests as you and it will get better. As you get older your friends revolve anyway depending on what you are doing in your life at that time anyway so don't really consider it a loss, just a new chapter, pages turned. Things happen for a reason, and no matter how bad now, the clouds will lift and you'll find right again. Really seriously though, consider it a lesson, which it sounds like you are, and time will make it better. Time is the only thing. And a new girl, but take your time and don't get sucked in.

TexasCadillac
03-06-08, 10:02 PM
sorry to hear that bro. It has been done to a lot of us. The sooner you go out with another girl, the sooner you will get over the ex. Time will help heal your pain. good luck TexasCadillac

Destroyer
03-06-08, 11:36 PM
............good luck TexasCadillacWhy are you wishing yourself good luck?.

MauiV
03-06-08, 11:36 PM
Sorry to hear that but remember, your 22 years old. Live life. Like someone earlier said some of us older "wiser" ones have been there and done that, in my case SEVERAL times. I didnt get married until I was 34 years old because I refused to settle for less than I deserved or change who I am for anyone.

I hope the thing you learn from this is to be yourself. If someone cant be with who you are, they dont deserve you. Its not worth it and in the end you will always still end up being yourself anyway and its better to find out if they can accept it earlier than later.

I went through a HUGE breakup with a fiance when I was about 27. We lived together and it got UGLY, but I think the powers that be everyday when I wake up next to my wife that I didnt compromise who I was to satisfy someone else. I damn near went broke because I went out every single night and made new friends. I refused to sit at home depressed and if it meant I was broke, then so be it. It was a hell of a lot better than sitting at home looking at 4 walls and pondering what "should have been".

Just remember, its better you two did this now rather than when she gets half your stuff!

DopeStar 156
03-06-08, 11:50 PM
Obviously you have to vent, you have to keep busy and keep your mind off it. I suggest working out, especially with a punching bag.

I'm not one to work out typically, but I did lose 12 lbs in two and a half weeks from depression. I've been doing a lotta drawing actually, something I used to love to do but I'm outta practice. I'm trying to get as good as I used to be. I'm working on an ink sketch of Venom from Spider-Man, my all time favorite comic book villain which I'd like to turn into a tattoo......

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y250/DopeStar156/venomsketch.jpg

Destroyer
03-07-08, 12:41 AM
I'm not one to work out typically, but I did lose 12 lbs in two and a half weeks from depression. I've been doing a lotta drawing actually, something I used to love to do but I'm outta practice. I'm trying to get as good as I used to be. I'm working on an ink sketch of Venom from Spider-Man, my all time favorite comic book villain which I'd like to turn into a tattoo......

The weight loss is typical and expected. This is a serious ordeal and it consumes you to the point you dont even give a crap about eating. I lost much more when I went through this almost EXACT same thing, but my situation was worse and I actually put a hurt on my so called "friend". By coincidence, I was the exact same age as you when it happened to me. Drawing is great, you seem to be real good at it, but I'm tellin' ya hit the bag, really release some of that rage inside. Worked for me.:beavis:

dmarlow
03-07-08, 01:36 AM
I remember my first heartbreak growing up in a small town in the south......... we were high school sweethearts for the most of two and a half years........she was the leading member of her class, the star of the girls basketball team and a year behind me.

I was not much of anything at that time in my life other than hunting, fishing and hanging out with my friends.
As I graduated and went on my way to find myself she decided to go with the football Capitan and his team.........damn that hurt.

My best friend's dad told me something I would always remember............."Women are like street cars, don't chase after them because they'll be another one come along any minute."

Later I thought.....street cars in Tennessee............WTF...........it worked for me.

After 10 years of concentrating on my future I meet my wife and partner of 22 years and couldn't be happier.

We have our first grandchild that turned 4 months old on 2nd of this month and I couldn't be more proud.

What I'm trying to tell ya is there are a lot of fish in that there big ocean and I'm sure you'll land the one that's right for you in time.
Concentrate on what is most important/interesting to you..........

She's not worth it if she was willing to go on her own............it was her choice.

CIWS
03-07-08, 10:11 AM
Just read through this Dope, sorry to hear man. But things do work out for the best, it just doesn't seem that way at the time.

slk230mb
03-07-08, 03:13 PM
Sorry to hear this Dope. Hang in there, other people have given some good suggestions.

93DevilleUSMC
03-07-08, 03:20 PM
I'm sorry to hear about this, man. It makes my dog thread look like nothing. She stabbed you in the back, but like dkozloski said, you at least got out with a whole skin. If she was going to do that to you, then she wasn't good enough for you.

My condolences, sir.

Stoneage_Caddy
03-07-08, 09:11 PM
dope ....dude ....not good man ....thats so terrible im too scared to even talk to the "new prospect" tonight ..im going for a ride for the evening .... ive been there , what your writing is bringing back alot of pain that ive seen .... in a way your helping me , reminding me of whats possible and to keep my head on the swivel for impending doom ...

Hardest part is not thinking of your bud with her.....But dont worry , things wont last long with him ...Hes "rebound i dont wanna be alone" boy ....he'll be dumped too ... hell be destoryed by her too ...he will the whole time be haunted from her talking about how good things were with you....it will drive him up the wall ....My advice ...dont ever let her back in , she will try to hurt you again ...you must run , fast and hard ....burn the bridge and piss on the ashes ...

Now , go grab your bed , tear the sheets off ....throw them away , get new ones , same with pillows , same with anything on it ....rearrage your entire room ...EVERYTHING...redo where you place your clothes ....go thru everything and clean the hell out of it looking for things related to her...put them in a bag....

BURN IT

Delete the crap from your computer , cell , everything , leave nothing ....change everything around you ....now is a great time to think about who exactly you are....what is it that "dopestar" alter ego that you like so much? How hard would it be to make the "false" things about him true? Funny thing about an alter ego is it is YOU without the censorship ...

Buy a harley ....thats what i did ....get an old one ....its the fastest way to get a new group to roll with ....if it wasnt for the sportster Pamela would still have me crying for her every day ...well dont run out and buy one on my accord , but you get my idea ...you need something to create all sorts of change in your life , something that brings you into a new group with a new sense of comraderie ....as much as i enjoy this place and the people.... the cadillac doesnt do that the way the harley does ...

Stoneage_Caddy and Mike were two differnt people 6 years ago .....Stoneage represented everything i needed to be , more gutsy , more out there , more freindly, not afird to be funny .....i used stoneage caddy for parts , and become who i am nowadays ...stoneage caddy proved people liked who i wanted to be ...a way to test the real you before the real world has to see it ...

After my most recent breakup i too was paranoid , becuse my girl used so many online areas i use to play games on me ....she used every site i went on outside cadillac forums ....i had issues even with myspace , she was useing it as a weapon to get me to cheat on her...Its possible i may never be able to date anything off the internet again .....but .....is that such a bad thing? Its just like you , is it such a bad thing you have to be paranoid about the group you roll with ? maybe its time to remove yourself from that group ....

Above all , you must live .....Regardless of what anyone says there is no gaurantee of what awaits your soul on the other side , thats significantly more time then your your stay here on earth with us my freind ...

Dope , this took me awhile to type out ....so dont think that no one cares ...

DopeStar 156
03-08-08, 02:48 AM
"DopeStar" is mainly an entity that took over when I was 15. He became a way to get over my discomfort in social situations. He would tell people to **** off when it was needed and knock teeth down throats when someone screwed with him or his friends. He wasn't afraid to fight back when someone tried to kick him down and had all the confidence he needed to do it. He was the casual, superior, gutsy, and outgoing person I always wanted to be. He's not so much a character I play, he's become me and he's my preference. The problem is lately I've disconnected from him and I've got to get him back......

It explains my obsession with the character Venom. As Eddie Brock alone he always got the short end of the stick, always trampled by others. When the Black Spider-Man ruined his reputation as a reporter Eddie wanted to get back at him but couldn't do it. When he was melded with Spider-Man's newly rejected Symbiote it brought his urges together with its own and the two became "we." Not always a villian, Venom acts more like a vigilante who just happens to have Spider-Man on the same list as those who will pay for their sins. Eddie was better off with the Symbiote on a personal level.

This is what happens when a comic book nerd associates his own reality with that of the Marvel universe......

77CDV
03-08-08, 04:23 AM
The funny thing about created personalities is that they were always a part of us all along. You felt the "real" you was too timid, too shy, too introverted, so you created DopeStar to counter that self-perception. I would submit that DopeStar is the "real" you, insofar as there is a "real" any of us. We are all ultimately who we choose to be and what we choose to present to the world as our public face.

Breakups hurt (been there). But, and I'll try to be kind, you need to be loved for who you think you are, not for what you think will make you more loveable to someone else. If you think you're DopeStar, then that's who your woman needs to love. If you're really that shy, introverted, socially awkward guy you say, then the woman worthy of you will love you because of it, not in spite of it.

Take time, work on the car, hang out with whomever you damn well please, and generally get on with life. Time and distance will bring the proper perspective. After a while, you'll wonder what you ever saw in her (been there, too).

Be safe, stay sane, unload on us whenever you want.

Craig

OffThaHorseCEO
03-08-08, 05:53 PM
i had a bad breakup a while back, i sulked and got all depressed, im skinny but i think i still lost weight because (i think) i was depressed. It finally hit me that i was making myself feel this way. its almost as if i wanted to be sad. The good think about it was that since i was so disconnected i never did anything but work sleep and some eating, so i had a lot of extra money. The turning point was when my cousin and older brother invited me to the mall on a weekend. we went and i spent a good bit of what i had extra but i felt good. Of course there were girls at the mall and since I was in a good mood i approached one, and got her number. I never called her but just knowing i could made me feel alot better.

maybe im rambling, i usually do, but good luck and get out of the house, hit the mall, spend some money on Dopestar. Go to wherever the ladies are. Hell you live in fla im sure its warm right about now, hit the beach

Destroyer
03-09-08, 10:20 PM
All this talk of alter egos is a bit confusing. "Destroyer" is simply the name of an old KISS album not the other "me". If however this alternate personality works then by all means go with it. I may try it myself and destroy some stuff tonight.:alchi:

DopeStar 156
03-09-08, 10:40 PM
Hell you live in fla im sure its warm right about now, hit the beach

Thanks, I live in Jersey though.... Haha.

Florian
03-10-08, 01:06 AM
.....after making a really depressing post in another thread which I now wish I hadn't done I guess I'm forced to explain where I've been for the last few weeks and what's been going on......

...snip....

The lesson here is don't make someone your entire world because they can take it all with them when they go......


In one day I completely filled a 5 subject notebook, cover to cover with my feelings and emotions expressed into words and depressed/enfuriated drawings....

I even wrote on the manilla colored parts.....

Dope,

I went thru the same thing as you, with the big exception of that mine was a marriage, not an engagement. The damn dirty whore ran off w/another swingin dick and then had the nuts to tell me she wanted to be friends. Fook her.
Anyway, you have to focus on something that makes you happy...comic books/Caddys/music, whatever it may be and work your way past the shitty emotions. You may not eat much, you may not go out much BUT you cant dwell on the past. It took me about a year to get over my situation. You will get thru yours. Remember, there is new poon on the horizon, and there will be no emotional strings attached...its a fresh start.
If ya need an ear, or need to spill...feel free to PM.

F

77CDV
03-10-08, 02:39 PM
I may try it myself and destroy some stuff tonight.:alchi:
I thought that was your SOP all along!:)

DopeStar 156
03-10-08, 04:20 PM
Dope,

I went thru the same thing as you, with the big exception of that mine was a marriage, not an engagement. The damn dirty whore ran off w/another swingin dick and then had the nuts to tell me she wanted to be friends. Fook her.
Anyway, you have to focus on something that makes you happy...comic books/Caddys/music, whatever it may be and work your way past the shitty emotions. You may not eat much, you may not go out much BUT you cant dwell on the past. It took me about a year to get over my situation. You will get thru yours. Remember, there is new poon on the horizon, and there will be no emotional strings attached...its a fresh start.
If ya need an ear, or need to spill...feel free to PM.

F

Thanks. I'm feeling ok actually. I took a little vacation to NY to see some cousins of mine I haven't seen in a while and it did me good to get away for a while. I've also been seeing a lotta people I haven't had the time to see so I'm gathering tons if insight on the whole thing. It still hurts but it's getting easier as time goes on......

Everyone here's being really cool.....

NOT ON MY WATCH
03-10-08, 05:59 PM
Thanks. I'm feeling ok actually. I took a little vacation to NY to see some cousins of mine I haven't seen in a while and it did me good to get away for a while. I've also been seeing a lotta people I haven't had the time to see so I'm gathering tons if insight on the whole thing. It still hurts but it's getting easier as time goes on......

Everyone here's being really cool.....

Glad to hear it, DS - keep up the positive activities.

The Tony Show
03-10-08, 06:46 PM
Having been through practically the exact same scenario, I can offer you advice that will seem stupid now, but in time you'll realize that it's great:

Be glad this happened now, before you got married. At least there's no divorce, loss of property and other legal entanglements. It'll hurt for a while, but once you move past it you'll realize that the two of you splitting was a good thing.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-10-08, 09:58 PM
Be glad this happened now, before you got married. At least there's no divorce, loss of property and other legal entanglements.

Yeah, exactly. Atleast this way you're not "tangled up in blue" to quote Bob Dylan. And by blue I mean legal problems.

Destroyer
03-11-08, 12:57 AM
Yeah, exactly. Atleast this way you're not "tangled up in blue" to quote Bob Dylan. And by blue I mean legal problems.
Let alone kids and all that crap. You got out of this squeeky clean Dope and its probably the last time you will make such a quik getaway. ;)

Blackout
03-11-08, 01:02 AM
Damn Dopestar that sucks to hear man. I say we go to Atlantic City and I'll get ya a hooker and we can paint the town red ;)

DopeStar 156
03-11-08, 12:23 PM
we can paint the town red ;)

How about black.......

Blackout
03-11-08, 01:05 PM
How about black.......It's your day so whatever you want:thumbsup:

gdwriter
03-12-08, 02:35 AM
This episode just confirms my belief that all Samanthas are evil (that was my ex-wife's name).

Sorry to hear it, but it sounds like you're already coming around. And as others have said, it's good you got out now. Having been through an ugly and very expensive divorce, I can tell you you don't want to go through that.

DopeStar 156
03-12-08, 02:36 AM
Really bad day today....... Nothing happened, just went into a total relapse...... Some people have expressed they think I should get some kind of help.......

MauiV
03-12-08, 02:59 AM
I would suggest you listen to the people that you deal with on a personal level if that is their suggestion.

I went into deep depression after a bad break up. It isnt worth it. Do whatever you need to do to stay in a healthy state of mind. There is no shame in getting that help and it is WAY better than all the other options.

NOT ON MY WATCH
03-12-08, 03:13 AM
DS - definitely sounds like it's time for you to talk to a professional. There are plenty of mental health clinics in every state - just CALL ONE near you. Your health insurance company can also point you in the right direction.

Don't hesitate. Just call.

77CDV
03-12-08, 04:32 PM
If you feel professional help would be of benefit to you, by all means avail yourself of it. Remember, though, that counselling is not a panacea, and that you'll still have good days and bad days. That's just life. Counselling may help you deal with it better, medication can help conceal the symptoms, but life will still be there and you still have to deal with it. I see too many people in my line of work who think popping a handful of pills every day solves all their problems. It doesn't.

Regardless, please do whatever you need to do to take proper care of yourself. We're all behind you.

Craig

DopeStar 156
03-12-08, 05:30 PM
I really don't want to go the way of professional help. I'd rather just bleed it out on my own, that's how I've always done it......

Snapping the little ****er's head off wouldn't hurt either....

HITMONEY
03-12-08, 05:43 PM
Been there DS, got the t-shirt.

Only thing I can promise you is.. "This too Shall Pass".

Time heals everything, and in the end you will be stronger for the experience.
The mistakes you learn the most from are the ones that hurt the most.

Just about everyone goes through this sick feeling at least once, it doesn't go away quickly... but I promise it goes away.

Here are the stages you will, and for the most part must go through.. sometimes you see-saw back and forth between them before they completely separate..especially the first 3.
1. Hurt
2. Depression, just don't let it get out of hand. In this stage comes the feelings of wanting her back no matter what... it is quite sickening later when you look back on it.
3. Anger - towards yourself, her and him.
3. Indifference, this is where you start to feel much better... you rarely care about it anymore.
4. Finally, you are completely over it, and have moved on.

One bit of advice I can give you... set a time limit for feeling depressed, angry, sad.. etc.. Mark that date on a calendar and feel as bad as you want until that date. After that date, when you feel sad tell yourself that you have allowed enough time for this emotion to rule your world and that it is not going to be tolerated anymore. The date is not magic, of course you will feel bad after it, but that is the time to fight it back.. its a sort of goal setting exercise that will help you to restore a sense of order and responsibility in your life.

I feel for you, but know this is just a normal part of life, a shitty one, but normal. They don't call it "Heartsick" for nothing.

It WILL pass.

I~LUV~Caddys8792
03-12-08, 05:52 PM
It WILL pass.


Just like a kidney stone.

HITMONEY
03-12-08, 06:09 PM
Just like a kidney stone.

If he is going through anything to the extent I have experienced 15 years ago... I'll take the kidney stone, thank you.

I ended up in the hospital, I hadn't eaten or hadn't slept for god knows how many days, I slipped into a whole new world... utter despair.

I finally collapsed one day and was rushed to the hospital.. my blood sugar had dropped and so did I.. like a sack of potatoes. I spent the night in the hospital getting fluids and nourishment through an I.V. I had lost 20+ pounds in little more than a month.

I woke up in the hospital the next day and the fog had lifted. Maybe because of the fluids, but I seemed to have my wits back about me.
then a rush of utter embarrassment came over me. I couldn't believe that I had let it get to that point... I was released from the hospital and had to drink Ensure for the next week to get my systems back up and going before I could tolerate solid foods.

Depression/despair is a windy dark rabbit hole, in my case I didn't eat or sleep which made the depressed feelings worse.... a vicious circle that feeds on itself that took having to eat through an IV to break the cycle.

But once I got some real rest and nourishment, I regained my senses and it was over and have never looked back.

But even now, writing this, the feeling of embarrassment is all that is left. I believe this is what has kept me from ever going through that again.

That whole experience over a girl, whom I fall to my knees and thank god I am not with now. Everything happens for a reason... and you must learn from everything that happens or it will repeat itself until you do.

And to steal a line from Forest Gump...

"And thats all I have to say 'bout that."

DopeStar 156
03-12-08, 07:30 PM
3. Anger - towards yourself, her and him.

Do homicidal fantasies fall into that gap.........

NOT ON MY WATCH
03-12-08, 08:18 PM
Do homicidal fantasies fall into that gap.........

Come on now...you know the answer to that.

You really need to force yourself to focus on other things...positive things.

If you can't focus - seek help from a sympathetic friend or family member. If that doesn't work, seek professional help.

G/L, DS.

RightTurn
03-12-08, 08:38 PM
Hit left out one stage...."thirst for revenge." And of course, revenge is sweet. muhahahaha.

DopeStar 156
03-12-08, 09:49 PM
It's just a fantasy. It involves me and the Venom symbiote and that's the beautiful death I have selected for him. Nothing else will do and since the Venom symbiote doesn't exist outside the pages of a comic book, I'd say it's safely filed under "fantasy." It's just something I fall asleep to.....

RightTurn
03-12-08, 10:03 PM
Whatever gets you through the night. :yup:

xshrpshtr
03-13-08, 05:21 AM
I just read all of this...I litterally moved from Nevada to Wyoming to get over one. I am not young nor a fool. I let one nearly kill me. It is easily the hardest thing I have ever been put through emotionally. I had one VERY good friend who was a lot of help. She is a close family friend. The only woman I have ever met whom I could truly say, is a lady. She is the real deal. She gives me hope I can find one like her.

DP, it is a long road. DO NOT stay in contact with her or your "friend" whatever. Succes is the best revenge. You holed up in your own pain does nothing to her. She won't feel soory for you. She is not capable. She is a cheap vengeful tramp and you are damn lucky to have found out now than later. Find ways to be where they are not. Take up a past time that 1: fully emgages your mind and 2: will be a positive influence on your life. >>working out/ a project of some sort, like building a car?/ getting an online degree...something. Volunteer for big brothers or a homeless/veterans place...whatever flats your boat. You MUST get your mind onto something else. Time heals...

DopeStar 156
03-13-08, 06:40 PM
RELAPSE

This is irritating.....

DILLIGAF
03-13-08, 08:53 PM
Sorry dude!We all have been there.I only read the first page,it was depressing me so I didn't read on.My advise,re-invent yourself right now.You have a clean slate so to speak.Your a young ,good looking intelligent man that has the world at his finger tips.I'm not adviseing you to be a ignorant red neck hick with a flat top like me, but maybe land yourself somewhere in between.

Jesda
03-18-08, 11:40 PM
Ahh, young love.

Don't speak to her ever again. Ever.

Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

EVER.

Do as I say and you'll be fine. Now go find a beat-up old Cadillac to buy and fix up to occupy your mind.

gothicaleigh
03-19-08, 11:03 AM
You're letting me and the rest of the counter-culture down. Where's the bad poetry? There's always bad poetry. :gothicaleigh:




:D

:shifty <crickets>

:( sorry.




Truly sorry to hear that things didn't work out. :(

I want to say something helpful, I really do. But honestly time is the only thing that will help (that and everyone already beat me to the conditioned responses http://www.8thdaycreations.com/images/gothicaleigh/gothiraspberry.gif ).

Eventually you will be able to get over most of this and months or years from now reading your notebook filled with angsty goodness will only make you feel embarassed that you let it affect you this much.
Sure, because you obviously cared deeply for her, the good memories will always prick at you. That is life though. Looking back, the bad parts make the good that much better. In the meantime find something else to focus on, sketching is good, get lost in it. If you're not having fun with whatever you are doing, quit doing it.

...and ...um that's about all I have at the moment.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Hope you survive the experience. *HUGZ* http://www.8thdaycreations.com/images/gothicaleigh/gothismile.gif

pimpridein
03-19-08, 06:47 PM
Man that really sucks . My advice is to try to find 1 new friends 2 someone to talk to ( mom dad bro sis pastor or counsler at school ). You seem to be a good guy and she will get hers coming ( KARMA ) . Better to find out now than get married and have it happen then . Good luck and don't let some dumb ho hold you down.

AMGoff
03-20-08, 01:56 PM
Wow... I realize this was originally posted some two weeks ago now, so hopefully time has at least numbed some of the more stinging, superficial wounds. To be honest, I couldn't be bothered to read through all seven pages of comments, so bear with me if I happen to repeat something that's already been said.

While I know you've probably heard this several times and hated it each time you've heard such, the fact remains you are still so young - that has both it's own unique drawbacks as well as benefits.

The biggest drawback is one that's completely relative to you, in that being so young, two years with someone equates to a tenth of your entire life... which is a lot. Because of which I can totally empathize with your sense of loss. The benefit however, is that you have way more years to go than you've already covered. Beyond that... you're lucky in the fact that you're basically coming out of this with no less than you came into it with, to the contrary - you're actually coming out ahead. You're lucky that there were no kids, no house, no life that you've built with this girl... so you've got to take from it what you can, and that is a valuable life experience.

I don't know what you lied to her about exactly, but to be honest I don't think it really had all that much to do with it. She was obviously looking for an out and just used that as a timely excuse. That right there shows just the kind of person she really is - she wanted out but she didn't have the decency nor scruples to put it on herself, so not only did she dick you over but she also put it on you, without any regard to what torment it might cause you - that's almost as low as they come.

But that's not the lowest... there's a special place in hell for people like your "friend."

Let me tell you... he was never a friend. If he truly was your friend, such a thoughts would have never crossed his mind. He was thinking, and planning, and doing things well before everything exploded. He was and is concerned with one person - and that's himself.

Why would you want to surround yourself with such people?

If nothing else, you can take solace in knowing that things won't last long between them. Either she's going to dick him over as well, or vice-versa. I don't know what your relationship is with the rest of your friends, but the last thing you should do is cut yourself off from them. If they did nothing to you, then why abandon them? I'm pretty sure they already see what kind of person this other guy is... and if they have significant others of their own, they're going to be watching him very closely.

Live and learn... that's all we as humans can do. Without the former, the latter isn't possible - and without the latter, we're bound to repeat the same mistakes.

As soon as you realize you're better off, the sooner things get a whole lot better a whole lot quicker... but the only one who can make you realize such is yourself. As patronizing as that may sound, it's the truth. Bottom line is - these sort of people aren't worth putting yourself through any of this, and by doing so you're only helping them hurt yourself even more.

F-'em.

DopeStar 156
03-20-08, 04:45 PM
Thanks everyone, things are good though. There's a girl at the moment, It seems to be going well but I'm not saying anything just yet......

pimpridein
03-20-08, 06:03 PM
Good for you move on and don't let that Bitch hold you down

DILLIGAF
03-20-08, 07:55 PM
Thanks everyone, things are good though. There's a girl at the moment, It seems to be going well but I'm not saying anything just yet......
Awesome news Dope!Best way to get over a girl is getting a different girl under you asap!:thumbsup:

DopeStar 156
03-20-08, 10:22 PM
Awesome news Dope!Best way to get over a girl is getting a different girl under you asap!:thumbsup:

Over, actually....

xshrpshtr
03-20-08, 11:12 PM
Dude...Out of nowhere I just met easily THE best woman I have ever dated. We are hitting it off nicely and I am just beside myself at how wonderful/kind/thoughtful...etc. She is. I am no fool. I can read contrition before they even try it. This one is the real deal. I have all fingers and toes crossed.

Stoneage_Caddy
03-27-08, 07:00 PM
Bump ..

Dope , you ok buddy ? explain the myspace thing ....

DopeStar 156
03-27-08, 11:56 PM
I'm great. Still seeing the same girl and things get better each time we hang out.

Which MySpace thing?

ejguillot
03-28-08, 07:21 PM
Good to hear you met someone new, and good luck! :thumbsup:

Sandy
03-28-08, 09:30 PM
Yo, Dope, remember me? Millburn, NJ ?

Think of a girlfriend as a dove. You set her free, and she flies away...
if she returns, she's yours;
if not....she never was!

Find Another, or better yet, buy another Caddy !!:thumbsup:

Stoneage_Caddy
03-29-08, 06:44 PM
I'm great. Still seeing the same girl and things get better each time we hang out.

Which MySpace thing?

the bulletin ....can be taken the wrong way by people like me who are a little high strung and alot polish ....

DopeStar 156
03-29-08, 09:23 PM
Yo, Dope, remember me? Millburn, NJ ?

Think of a girlfriend as a dove. You set her free, and she flies away...
if she returns, she's yours;
if not....she never was!

Find Another, or better yet, buy another Caddy !!:thumbsup:

How could I forget the legend? She is set free and if she flies back I'll slam the ****ing window......


the bulletin ....can be taken the wrong way by people like me who are a little high strung and alot polish ....

The MySpace bulletin was pretty much like, "We broke up, if you wanna ask us about it feel free." Personally at the time I wasn't in the mood for the 20 interview messages I got about it and was pissed off that she went ahead and posted our personal business on the internet. As if to say, "Hey guys, shackles are off, come take me."

By the way, at this point in time, the two have joined together in unholy roachery. They're official now.......

77CDV
03-30-08, 01:15 AM
By the way, at this point in time, the two have joined together in unholy roachery. They're official now.......

Meaning they're begun reproducing like roaches or they've become 420 friendly?:confused: Anyway, glad to read you're moving on. Best of luck with the new girl.

Craig

Destroyer
03-30-08, 01:21 AM
How could I forget the legend? She is set free and if she flies back I'll slam the ****ing window......




Hell YES!!!!. Now THAT is the spirit!. :thumbsup:

TomDeville
03-30-08, 01:40 AM
Hey Dope you've even got Sir Sandy
in on this; so I've just got to pipe in & say:

That your ex buddy is a dick; and, that
chick was never good enough for you!
I always thought she was kind of lame and
pastety; even back when you went to Atlantic
City and were all in love on the beach & shit.
You could have done better; and, now I trust
you are and/or otherwise can.

Best Regards,

TomDeville:cool2::cool2:
:cool2::cool2::cool2:

Destroyer
03-30-08, 09:50 AM
Yo, Dope, remember me? Millburn, NJ ?

Think of a girlfriend as a dove. You set her free, and she flies away...
if she returns, she's yours;
if not....she never was!

Find Another, or better yet, buy another Caddy !!:thumbsup:If your wife boinks your best friend, leaves you and the comes back after he's through with her, you'll take her back?.

CIWS
03-30-08, 10:17 AM
Think of a girlfriend as a dove. You set her free, and she flies away...
if she returns, she's yours;
if not....she never was!


Then wait till dove season opens....



uDmYVidO_AM



(no offense Dope, just having some fun with the inet)

70eldo
04-01-08, 06:39 PM
Hey DopeStar!
Love sucks! My other alias is Blues Almighty. A broken heart can corner you for a while, but you will recover.

All the best!

DopeStar 156
04-04-08, 12:17 AM
Well aparently I wasn't as good as I thought. I can't stop thinking about it lately and to be honest I kinda blew it with the girl I was seeing because I kept talking about the break up. I didn't even realize I was doing it too. I haven't been all right ever since I found out the two of them are officially dating and now that the entire family has taken quite a liking to that little *******........

This is getting to be more than I can handle.....

CIWS
04-04-08, 11:08 AM
If you've ever quit smoking (or any hard habit) you'll realize that even though you have stopped the thoughts are still there. You think about it from time to time. The longer it has been since you stopped, the less you think about it, but only time solves that and unfortunately there is no way to speed that up. It will pass though.

No surprise that another chick isn't going to want to hear you talk about a previous break up / relationship for very long. Would you want to listen to a chick talk about their previous break up for very long if you were dating ? It's simply a sign the person isn't over them yet and it is weighing on their mind. If they are looking for someone to be with they recognize that will not work because they will want you looking toward a future and not the past. Again not a big deal. If you now acknowledge that, you can prevent it in the future. Concentrate on what you want to do, not what you have done. :)

77CDV
04-04-08, 11:41 PM
Ups and downs are to be expected. I was really surprised you'd started dating again so quickly. Just give it time so you can get perspective. Best thing to do is not to keep track of her. That only prolongs the pain. Keep focused on school, work, and the cars. In time, she'll fade and you'll wonder why you thought it so important to hold on to her. Play Sinatra's version of "I Wanna Be Around" to get in the right mindset.