: You Need To Read This 3



Cadillacboy
02-22-08, 03:42 PM
This time ,this thread to be mainly Walmart related and for you guys to enjoy and have good time :highfive:
Walmart


One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says
to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess
I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to
spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a
diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a
urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong
and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and
costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes
it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars, and the
computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He
pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds
later,the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology
was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the
mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Walmart,
eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and
awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal
shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into
rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow
will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Walmart

Here you're another one :
Keep in mind that this supposedly happened!!!! This was someone who was moving from a claims office.

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: "Hello Walmarts, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that, "We will miss you".

Walmart Employee: "Is that all? Okay, Bye

And this one :
"The Wal-Mart Greeter"

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins ?"

The ugly, nasty woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day."


Not over , another story :
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least, one who’ll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1: 30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE? On the job -- no, on my breaks -- no.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Oh yes, absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

:rofl:

CadillacSTS42005
02-22-08, 03:56 PM
Here you're another one :
Keep in mind that this supposedly happened!!!! This was someone who was moving from a claims office.

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: "Hello Walmarts, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that, "We will miss you".

Walmart Employee: "Is that all? Okay, Bye




i dont get that one at all

Blackout
02-22-08, 04:52 PM
Here you're another one :
Keep in mind that this supposedly happened!!!! This was someone who was moving from a claims office.

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: "Hello Walmarts, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that, "We will miss you".

Walmart Employee: "Is that all? Okay, Bye




i dont get that one at all
Glad to see I'm not the only one! I read it an was like :hmm:

SvB4EvA
02-22-08, 05:06 PM
:yeah:

I dont get the cake thing...

dkozloski
02-22-08, 06:49 PM
It's what's called a shaggy dog story. There's no point.

Blackout
02-22-08, 07:59 PM
It's what's called a shaggy dog story. There's no point.

Or in your case, a shaggy polar bear:p

dkozloski
02-22-08, 11:00 PM
Who's shagging polar bears?

Blackout
02-22-08, 11:06 PM
urbanski?

77CDV
02-23-08, 12:05 AM
I've seen the cake one before. There's a picture that goes with it that makes it make sense. You can easily imagine the picture if you think about the situation for a moment.

Eld01
02-23-08, 12:15 AM
Here you're another one :
Keep in mind that this supposedly happened!!!! This was someone who was moving from a claims office.

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: "Hello Walmarts, how can I help you?"

Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."

Walmart Employee: "What you want on the cake?"

Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that, "We will miss you".

Walmart Employee: "Is that all? Okay, Bye




i dont get that one at all

Damn, now I feel better.

Crown Vic Owner
02-23-08, 12:28 AM
http://www.theginblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/walmart_cake1.jpg

Ronster
02-23-08, 04:44 AM
oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
now I get it.

CadillacSTS42005
02-23-08, 09:03 AM
he/she misspelled neath....
neat...
lol

TexasCadillac
02-23-08, 10:46 AM
it still ain't funny.

CIWS
02-23-08, 11:06 AM
http://www.ciws.info/kirkladies.jpg

Ronster
02-23-08, 01:20 PM
I'm thinking
"best wishes suzanne under",
"neat that we will miss you"
?

gary88
02-23-08, 07:59 PM
http://xs219.xs.to/xs219/07381/Epic-fail-guy-ruin.gif

Eld01
02-23-08, 11:49 PM
Okay, for those if you who did not get it, I wiil try to explain. What the lady wanted an the cake was simply : Best wishes Suzanne

We will miss you

What she told the person who took the order was :

Best wishes Suzanne
(and) underneath that
We will miss you

I hope that helps explain a situation that still wasn't that funny.

gary88
02-24-08, 12:30 AM
Sorry, Epic Fail Guy has spoken.

BigJon
02-24-08, 12:53 AM
they were funny but the cake one... isnt even worth posting sucked was kind of gaay...

SvB4EvA
02-24-08, 05:59 AM
http://www.tea-lady.co.uk/blog/gaycake.jpg

urbanski
02-24-08, 08:26 AM
urbanski?

what

Blackout
02-24-08, 01:40 PM
what

Sup buddy?;)

dirt_cheap_fleetwood
02-25-08, 01:03 AM
As an employee of the Wal*Mart (Its a star now, not a dash, get it right) I find this funny as hell. In fact, I've already printed out a copy and posted it in the break room.

BigJon
02-25-08, 01:09 AM
anyone comment on it yet?

77CDV
02-25-08, 01:45 AM
anyone comment on it yet?
He's still waiting for the only other employee in the store who can read to come in to work.:duck:

BigJon
02-25-08, 11:16 AM
lol theres like what 3 of them out of 35 employees

charheep
02-26-08, 08:28 PM
I didnt get the cake one either. Adding the picture just made from wha? to eh. But the job application one was pretty good.