View Full Version : Holiday Party Memo

12-21-07, 02:26 PM

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2007
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.


************************************************** *
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.'

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.


************************************************** ***
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only'; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


************************************************** ***

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2007
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that this year December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party, ha ha!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon atthis time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross-dress: sorry, no cross-dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply sugar free desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: December 05, 2007
RE: The F****** Holiday Party

Vegan a**holes, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death,'as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch From HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2007
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!


12-21-07, 03:19 PM
Ha! Afternoon off with full pay sounds like the best way to go for anyways! :)

12-21-07, 05:14 PM
Pathetic, sad, but increasingly true.

Locally, a screeching bitch shut down a grade school holiday party because Santa Claus was not depicted as "Father Holiday": she had taught her 2 children that there was no reason for Christmas. Curious that she never learned the differing legends behind each.

Your great-grandchildren might never see any sort of holiday in the United States, but you can bet your bippy that things will be swingin' in the Middle East, where it appears that everything except pseudo-religious fanatacism is banned. The bitch in the first paragraph would be stoned to death tomorrow at sunrise.

12-21-07, 05:56 PM

12-21-07, 09:42 PM
I saw this the other day. was a pretty good joke !

12-21-07, 10:46 PM
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that this year December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.


otherwise :histeric:

12-22-07, 01:10 AM
lol speaking of work and the holidays, us cashiers have to say happy holidays, not merry christmas. Well I told a customer "You have a great holiday" and handed her receipt and she said "Why the hell don't you say Merry Christmas?!" I channeled Jason and said this with a straight face "Because I'm Jewish." She just clamped her mouth shut and walked away... oh yeah as she walked away my sister who was cashiering next to me burst out laughing... and THE BEST PART was I was wearing a Santa hat...

OH yeah... I was given off all next week... SA-WEET!! Not really, I feel the wrath of mom "Ask them to give you hours because you need money!!" speech.

12-22-07, 03:26 AM

otherwise :histeric:

Hahah you caught that too :D (close to Eid al-Adha though ;) )

12-23-07, 02:05 AM
i still say "merry christmas" , got a problem with it you can kiss my AMERICAN ass ....

i hate people .......

12-23-07, 11:27 AM
I'm Jewish, and damn proud of it and I wish people a Merry Christmas. Of course, if I know that they are Jewish I don't do that. Normally, it's best to say, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year. "Holidays" covers Christmas, Chanukkah & Kwanzaa. "Holiday" is a derivative of HOLY DAY. Christmas, Chanukkah & Kwanzaa are, in fact, HOLY DAYS. New Years is not.

By the way.... I am also ITALIAN !! Italian is my heritage. Italian is NOT a "Religion" - however..... eating Pizza is a Religious Experience !! :)

12-23-07, 12:16 PM
see , sandy gets it ....if i bumped into him on the street and said "hey , nice 60 and have a merry christmas" , and i didnt know he was a chanukkah man hed get my drift ....yoosetobee people were glad just to have someone wish them a happy anything ....now in the midst of the current crop of ungrateful bastards they are only accepting of well wishes if every criteria is met ....

luckily with all the political BS going on in the world now people will become ever more nasty and mean ...and one day people wont worry so much if someone wishes them a merry christmas just becuse it was so nice that someone even said anything rather then sneer at them or avert there eyes and walk away ...basicly it will one day be such a huge deal someone said something nice that it wont matter if it was 100% correct or not ....

sandy, merry pizza pie day !!!!